A
male
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:Hello!My mom says i shouldnt date until am 20aboveBut how can i show her am matured enough to handle a relationship? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2021): Thank you FA
for your feedback.
Trust is the keyword
Mom is very wise so it`ll take a ton to make her trust me!
I`ll try
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (1 December 2021):
 hey, thanks for the follow up.
I'm going to need more than a one word for a definition.
Let's start with a relationship of trust. A relationship of trust is a person you regularly communicate with who you trust and who trusts you. When one of you makes a promise to the other the other can be confident that the promise will be kept.
Eventually every relationship, becomes a relationship of trust, Family relationships, business relationships, spiritual relationships, and especially romantic relationships. If you want your mother to believe you are mature enough to have a romantic relationship of trust with a person of the opposite sex, the best way to demonstrate that is to have a strong relationship of trust with your mother.
Trust is built up of promises made and kept. Most often parents feel their children are immature when they fail to keep a promise and thus break trust. It takes much more than one promise to rebuild broken trust.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2021): By dating i literally mean in a relationship with the opp.sex
Thank you though.
i`ve learnt a one or two at the least!!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 November 2021):
 I didn't date until I was 19. Simply because I hadn't met anyone I wanted to date. I had no limitation put on me by my parents I just didn't have any interest in dating.
I think FA is entirely right in that YOU have to "define" what you think dating is.
And I think he is also right that keeping sex out of it, for now, is a good idea.
My guess is that your mother might fear you could knock someone up and then miss out on your own "future" goals and dreams. (or maybe HER goals/hopes for you).
You can't really "prove" to her that you are mature enough to date. I do think the advice to talk to your dad is excellent.
I think your mom saying wait until you are 20, is perhaps what she would have done if she could do it all over again.
Talk to your mom too, ask her why she feels you are too immature now. And realistically, you ARE immature... because you are young. Maturity comes not only with age but with experiences. We live and we learn.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (29 November 2021):
Notes:
I was surprised when WiseOwlE wrote his reply to a young woman. I thought the OP was male, but, the advice and mine is fine for either gender. We are both from the US, where age of consent varies by state, so the ages we are throwing around are general guidelines and not a matter of law.
Also OP only mentioned Mom. While I wouldn't advise playing mom against Dad even if they are separated, I would always advise asking both for help and advice.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2021): I don't think your mother is serious about that. She's exaggerating to make a point. Our parents know us better than anyone, and they also know how trustworthy, dependable, obedient, and level-headed we are. I agree with Fatherly Advice about showing some early signs of responsibility.
You have to develop trust between you and your parents. If you're the type who talks-back, you're lazy, your grades suffer in school, and you tend to runaround with a bad-crowd; your parents have you pegged as a handful, and a likely candidate for a teen-pregnancy. They also know you'll bring home the spawn of the devil as your choice of a first-love.
You'll have to play-it by mama's rules for now; but they will become more flexible when she sees you've got a good head on your shoulders, you put-in extra effort on your schoolwork; and you seem to have some goals and aspirations for your future. She wants you to finish university, and make a way for yourself; so you won't have to depend on a man to take care of you. She also doesn't want a grandchild before you've finished your education. At your age, she's worried you'll put a boyfriend above and beyond all reason and common sense. That's a parent's nightmare...she was your age once, and she knows what it's like.
Yes, sometimes parents are overbearing and overprotective. You're underaged, and her decisions and judgement supersede yours; until you are capable of supporting yourself. That shouldn't occur before you reach 18! Girls your age go a little gaga for their boyfriends! If your dad is in your life, he'll make your mom be a little more reasonable about when you can date; because he will behead and dismember any boy who does you dirty. He will lock you in your room until you're 30, if you prove him wrong!!!
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (29 November 2021):
Well the classic answer is, Get a job, pay your own way and move out. Of course that may take until you are 20 or maybe 18.
Here is the deal, "dating" is a word that means a lot of different things, and I have no idea what definition you are using. I think that 16 is a great age for dating casually, in groups. Meeting a lot of different people with different backgrounds and ideas. It is not a great age for getting involved sexually. But it is pretty difficult to keep 16 year olds out of it. And that is where you get parents throwing out ideas like "wait until you are 20."
In my opinion waiting until 20 only gets you a 20 year old who acts 16. Which is why I strongly suggest non sexual dating at your age.
As a direct answer to your precisely stated question, you probably can't prove to your mother that you are mature. Her perspective never actually allows that. She will always see you as her child.
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