A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My ex and I have been separated for the past 8 months (he initiated it after 5 years together). When we split I discovered I was 5 wks pregnant. He didnt want me to carry on with the pregnancy and told me to abort. I told him where to get off and concentrated on getting my life back on track and moving on. He was not impressed and threatened me that Id better not name him or try and get child support as he didnt want another child (he has 2 to previous exes). I said fine I didnt want his bloody money anyway but I was going to name him as father. He said he would see me in court etc. Anyway I had a great pregnancy and gave birth to our beautiful daughter in May, unfortunately she was stillborn. I rang him a few days after to tell him and before I could get it out he said youd better be ringing to tell me you decided not to name me. When I did tell him she was stillborn he said sorry etc and what a tragedy it was, I was devastated and so angry that I said alot of things I now regret. I have not taken any of his calls since then but I have just sent out cards (with babys photo) to friends and family etc. I feel I should send him one just so he can see what we made together, is that wrong or should I just leave well enough alone? If the shoe was on the other foot I know I would be curious to see the baby. Your advice appreciated.
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (22 June 2007):
 My heart goes out to you. My deepest emotion for you and your child.My advice is to walk away from him. He is a monster. Stay away from him. Dispite what he says now, he sounds like he would have wanted her dead anyways. Do not send him any photo, do not have any contact with him at all. Seriously, nothing good can come from future contact with him.He had his chance and he blew it.Take time for yourself. HEAL.My guess is that you want to share your mourning for him, but a shit like him would not be mourning the way you would need him there for you.-Frank B Kermit
A
female
reader, Jenii  +, writes (21 June 2007):
 Dear anonymous,
Firstly, I am sorry for your loss. In answer to your question, it may be better to calm things down between you and come to peaceful circumstances, giving him the option of whether he would like to see a photo. If you send it now for good reasons it may come across as spiteful in someway. This as you know is a delicate situation and even though he may of said several times clearly he didn't want another baby I am sure he is also feeling loss and regret. Maybe you should answer his calls when you feel ready and see what he wants to say, maybe he has genuine feelings of regret.
With Warm Wishes
Jenii
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (21 June 2007):
 Dear, I beg to differ with everyone else. If I were you, I wouldn't send the bastard any picture or have any contact whatsoever with him. He didn't want the girl before she was born, or after, and he didn't want any part in that. I don't think he would like to see a picture of the baby. But, he did participate in her coming to this world. Now that's the behavior a man should have.
My point of view is, feel so very happy and lucky that you are not longer involved with such a bastard. Leave this man in the past. You will find someone who will appreciate your worth.
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A
female
reader, stina  +, writes (21 June 2007):
 Hello Anonymous,
I'm so, so sorry you had to go through all of that stress and devastation. Especially without any support from the guy who was supposed to be supporting you and left when you needed him the most. Awful.
Given his reaction, it seems like he really is pretty upset. Since you two have had a rocky time of it this past year, I would ask him if he would want to see a picture of the baby. The reason I say this is because you have already been through enough drama. I'm afraid that if you give him a picture of the baby, he might think that you're trying to make him feel even worse/more guilty about the situation. But then again, I don't know him so he may not act this way.
Let me put it this way - put yourself first. What would ultimately be best for YOU? If you think you risk getting yelled at again, don't do it. You're at a very delicate state emotionally right now, and you don't want to fall even deeper into the negative feelings you've been experiencing.
Take care of yourself.
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A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (21 June 2007):
 I'm so sorry to hear about this. I really am. I'm actually near to crying... I'm so proud of you for getting through all this. You're truely inspirational.
Lovely, if that's what you want to do, do it. You have every right to do what you think is best and he was the father after all so I think it's a lovely idea.
If I was the father, I'd love a little picture of the angel no matter what the relationship had been like in the past.
Look after yourself. I'll pray for you and your beautiful little girl in heaven.
xxx
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A
female
reader, flower girl  +, writes (21 June 2007):
 I would like you said you would like it if the shoe was on the other foot, you have nothing to lose by doing this.
I would just like to say that i really feel for you and i'm sorry to hear of your loss.
Take care.xx.
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A
female
reader, Clarey +, writes (21 June 2007):
 How completely devastating. I think you must do whatever you need to, to celebrate your beautiful daughter and her life. Showing her father who she was will help you to establish her reality and that is a wonderful thing. I think you are brave and courageous and you must do this - don't listen to anyone who says not to, if that is what your heart says. This is your celebration of love for her and it is very important.
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