A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Id like some honest advice from men and women to see if I am just being over jealous or if anyone else would feel the same as me.My boyfriend of a year has a 4 year old girl from a previous relationship. He has lots of female friends which I don't have a problem with but he has this one female friend whom he sees maybe 2 times a year, its not a regular thing so ive never met her. She has a girl of the same age so they occasionally meet up and have a day out with the kids. I think they have known each other for a few years now but he doesnt regard her as a close friend as has only mentioned her twice to me in the whole time ive known him. That's all fine, I don't mind that at all. However I have found out that she asked him if they can go away for a mini holiday together for a weekend just the them two and the two kids and hes said yes. She said she needs to get away for a while so he said he'd take them on a mini caravan/camping holiday.I know they are friends but im not comfortable him going away on holiday with her. I know they will be taking their kids with them but why do I still not like the idea? I think whats more upsetting is that he hasn't actually told me about it, I overheard a discussion between the two of them and he said he'd arrange a weekend. He still hasn't mentioned it to me so I know he hasn't booked anything, but shouldn't he run it by me first before he does book it?am I ok to feel jealous, would you guys/girls mind if your partner had a mini holiday with a person of the opposite sex without you? thank you :-)
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female
reader, Scotlass65 +, writes (6 August 2013):
 If that were me id have my suspicions unless you were invited too, the fact he hasn't mentioned about it to you really raises high suspicions, have it out with him and if your not invited stand your ground
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2013): I dont think its wrong that friends of the opposite sex can go away together HOWEVER I think its wrong he didnt run this by you. He should of definately made sure you were ok about it and maybe introduce her to you to help you feel more comfortable. I wouldn't go mad at him as that could cause all sorts of problems but tell him how you feel. Dont stop him from going as you'll look posseive and jealous.
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A
female
reader, cgrlygo  +, writes (2 August 2013):
 a man who loves you would run this past you... and btw I would tell him "hey I overheard your conversation the other day... I wasn't snooping but I cant help but have hearing " so whats up with that? then when he tells you tell him.. hey im not comfortable with that... (nor should you be)!!! if he responds with anything but oh yeah" I was going to speak to you about it... can you go" ?? as in he is going to go without you.... uh uh.. big red flag... maybe not even on his part.. my bf is the same way.. cant see a snake right up on his boot... but still you should be first in his life... period... some broad does not come first.. you do. if your not invited on that trip you need to uninvite him in your life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2013): That's so rude and dodgy from the female friend... Maybe your BF hasn't mentioned anything yet because he's not going to go on this holiday because is aware that it crosses a line, and will just say no to this friend later.
In any case, you are absolutely right about this not being a normal situation (about her offering these holidays, and if he accepts it).
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (31 July 2013):
 I'm hoping your boyfriend assumes that you are a part of the mini holiday. Otherwise, you can say goodbye and move on. He cant possibly be THAT clueless about boundaries, I mean, come on!! He cant possibly think that it's OK to have a girlfriend at home and then expect her to be normal about the fact that he's holidaying with another girl!
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (31 July 2013):
Does his "friend" even know about you? Yes, he should run it by you first and you should be invited. If you're not invited, I would second guess your relationship.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (31 July 2013):
 i think in relationships, we know what is and is not appropriate. and when we love someone, we naturally shy away from doing things we know our significant other would be uncomfortable with out of respect for them. if i were in his shoes, i'd have either said no to her proposal straight away or asked you to go so you would feel comfortable. either way, you would have been my first thought. ie, how you would feel about it, etc. that's a part of being in a partnership. you start thinking about what's best for "we", not just "me." i wouldn't wait for you to have to confront me and tell me it made you nervous or uncomfortable. i just wouldn't put you in that position to begin with. i think that's what love is all about.
either your boyfriend is up to no good or he's absolutely clueless about boundries. either way, he should know that arrangement would be more than a little uncomfortable for you. and therefore, you shouldn't even have to ask him not to go. he should just not go on his own accord.
so no, you're not unjustified in your feelings. i don't blame you at all for how you feel about it.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (31 July 2013):
 My gut tells me she has plans for a nice family holiday of one mummy, one daddy and two little girls. Your boyfriend is possibly too clueless to see this.
I would, when he gets around to discussing it with you, just naturally assume you are part of it. If you are then advised otherwise, let him know its a deal breaker and leave the ball in his court for at least 24 hours.
If he decides to continue with his plans kiss him on the cheek and tell him it was great knowing him. Save your tears for people who care.
If he decides not to go, give him a big hug and tell him his words remind you what a great guy he is and why you love him so much.
Good luck, I hope for you he does not turn out to be one of the dumb ones!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2013): I'd consider it a red flag that he's making plans with another woman without mentioning them to you.
As I see it you have two choices: wait it out and see how he explains his absence during the planned "holiday", or tell him what you heard right away and watch his reaction carefully. Either course of action should tell you what you need to know.
Good luck and best wishes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2013): I would definitely not be ok with that. In fact, my boyfriend was invited away once by a female friend of his and I was so "not ok with it" that I told him if he went on holiday, I wouldn't be waiting when he got back. So he didn't go, and we're still happy together now.
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A
male
reader, LivingWithBadDecisions +, writes (31 July 2013):
 you should have been asked to go because its not like your a new gf.
the holiday idea is nice for the kids but it is a little suspicious that you werent automatically invited.
if it was a day ago maybe he hasnt remembered to ask you yet. if its been more than a day then you need to bring it up with him
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (31 July 2013):
 I find that a little odd, specially since she wanted it to be just the two of them.. Is she single?
I think the invitation should have extended to you as well.
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