A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I've been with my boyfriend for close to a year about, and I've always felt, or rather, thought about sleeping with other people, but I guess it's normal to entertain the idea even if you're in a relationship, so long as you don't act on it.Here's the problem:I don't think I would ever do it, but I have an intense urge to cheat on my boyfriend with another guy (and I know it would never be serious with the other guy. I'm not attracted to 'bad boys', or guys I can't get, this is actually a first). It would only be a one time thing as he lives in another city, and would be coming here for a trip.I've never felt this compelled to even entertain the idea of cheating on my boyfriends, but I guess past relationships have scarred me a bit, and I haven't been able to invest all of myself since, or see a genuine future with any of my boyfriends after the fact.This is honestly such an intense feeling, I'm looking at pictures and videos of the guy constantly, and have even had a couple of dreams about him. The guy isn't that great of a dude -- like, there's nothing wrong with him, but there's nothing that he has that would attract me to a guy normally.So what gives? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2013): Break up first
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (31 July 2013):
 I would definitely disagree about it being normal to think about sleeping with other people while in a committed relationship. I've been with my partner almost a year now, and never once have I considered being with someone else. And in my previous committed relationships, it was the same. If the thought of cheating floated into my mind, I would know something was wrong.
My thoughts are that it seems you perhaps need to be single and experience the dating around life before you settle down into something serious and committed again. After being hurt a good time or two, we sometimes get jaded and can't give all of ourselves to the people we are with. This isn't your fault and I'm in no way blaming you or think you're a bad person. Its completely normal to be where you are. I just think you need your freedom and independence for a while until you're ready for something serious again.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (31 July 2013):
 I hate to break it to you, but just because you are in a committed relationship doesn't mean that you won't be tempted from time to time. Part of being human is being attracted and being attractive to other people.
How you deal with these thoughts is what makes you capable of being in a committed relationship -- or not.
It may be time to take a look at why you are so fascinated with this other guy. Is something missing with your current boyfriend? Have you hit the relationship doldrums? Or simply put, are you attracted to another guy?
Eventually this will pass if you don't act on it. I would certainly try to spend more time with your boyfriend and if something is missing in your relationship, work together on achieving the level of intimacy you desire.
Eddie
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A
male
reader, LivingWithBadDecisions  +, writes (31 July 2013):
 'I don't think I would ever do it' goes against your 'I know it would never be serious with the other guy. I'm not attracted to 'bad boys', or guys I can't get, this is actually a first). It would only be a one time thing as he lives in another city, and would be coming here for a trip' planning.
You are entertaining the thought of cheating by looking at pics and vids of him and thats why you keep thinking about cheating.
get rid of the thoughts by not entertaining them anymore
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