A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is too controlling.i got a new job as a cabin crew but my boyfriend want me to be pregnant and leave the job if not he will leave me alone.what shall i do?... I am 29, i am living with my boyfrend for 2 years he is 43 and he is separated.he have two children in his country they live with their mother.he work in my country for one international organization.i used to work before i meet him but currently i stayed in the house becouse he don't want me to work.He makes a lots of money and he him self pay all the bills and other expenses but he don't like to give me money for shopping and transportation rather he preffer to drive me.some times i feel like i am a prisoner. He pay a lots of money for car rent than buying one becouse he sayed he don't trust me becouse i am not from his country.i have no money in my accout.currently i found this cabin crew job at the air lines and i am taking the 3 month training but suddenly he wanted me to leave the job and be pregnant.A year ago i did an abortion becouse he sayed he is not ready but now as soon as i got this job he promiss that every thing will be changed once we have baby and he will transpher enought money to my account every month for me and the baby; but i asked him to diposit some money to guarantee me that i will not regret if i got pregnant and live my job for him,but he sayed he will after i leave my job and get pregnant. i love him so much to the point i want the baby to him but i beleive i need to be financially secure becouse i am tired of ask him money like a child for ever single thing. If i get pregnant before i finish my training i will loss my job so i told him to wait for one year but he sayed he can't other wise he will leave me alone. i don't know what to do,
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female
reader, Loiselle  +, writes (19 July 2011):
 Get some counseling. You need to understand why you are willing to consider continuing in this relationship.
I too think there are red flags all over this and you need to get out. But it seems you cannot see these problems clearly.
So do yourself a favor -- get some help to see what you are actually involved in by being with this man.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you all ur advice gave me strength. yesterday he bought me a beautifull gold braslet and flower, i was surprised and also he cooked dinner for me and taking care of me like a princess. then start talking about what our baby can look like so i asked him why he want to have a baby suddenly after i got this oppoprtunty?he sayed "this job doesn't deserve me if i like he can find me a better job in UN organization". I am expecting my LLB degree in law in two month period after 5 year study. so he sayed as soon as i graduate he will find me a job better than being a hostess(cabin crew). in the contract agreement with the airlines i must serve the company for 5 years.but if i fail to do so i have to pay the amount of money which is equvalent to 10,000 USD for the trainig i got,for the pocket money they gave every month,the housing allowance ,lunch n breakfast they serve untill the end of the training period. so i told him i can not afford to pay 10,000 USD for the airlines just to have a baby. u know what he sayed ,he sayed"I WILL PAY" .Can u beleive he want to spen this amount of money to let me loss the great oportunity i got . but i am still confuse why he want to do all this .is it becouse he love me or he think he will loss me if i start travell ing all over the world or coz he care about me? he sayed he want to marry me n spent the rest of his life with me.i love him i want to beleive what he sayed but it is so complicated. ..... i am getting strussed don't know what to do.he will travell on 1st of auguest to asia for one month so i am planning to tell him that i leave the job and ask him to transfer the money as he promissed, then i will see how he is going to react.what do u think about it??
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 July 2011):
 There are RED FLAGS (warning signs) all over this post. You are in an abusive relationship, where he wants to control you to the point of rendering you dependent on him. Please find a way to leave him safely; get friends or family to help. He may have isolated you from them but it's time to ask for them to help you.
Complete your job training and get started on that career, once you are independent.
Best wishes to you.
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A
female
reader, Orbiter  +, writes (18 July 2011):
I have to agree with the other aunts who say leave him. I seriously doubt he actually wants this baby, why has he suddenly changed his mind after only a year? It sounds like he's more anxious about the fact you have a job and therefore some independance from him.
He's trying to trap you into the relationship by making you completely financially dependant on him. It's extremely controlling behaviour and in a lot of relationships this behaviour continues to get worse and worse. I don't think there's any chance at all that he'll transfer money to you if you get pregnant.
If you won't leave him then keep going with the job, save up a bit before you get pregnant. If he wants to leave let him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2011): Get out now. He doesn't care about you at all. When you are in a relationship with someone, it's normal to trust them. He obviously doesn't trust you, you said so yourself. A baby will do nothing but add complications at this point. You should tell him that you're taking the job whether he likes it or not, and then take it. Don't be dependent on him for everything, it isn't healthy. If he leaves you, I promise you're better off.
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A
male
reader, Ronnie70 +, writes (17 July 2011):
 I'll tell you what to do - pursue your career and forget about getting pregnant. You'd regret giving up your job, a very glamorous job at that, where far better opportunities will present themselves in future.
Whether you take my advice is entirely up to you, but the age gap of 14 years between the two of you is a big one and that doesn't bode well for the future - not least because of his controlling nature which is never a good trait.
Forget about him and concentrate on your hard-won career.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2011): Believe me he will be doing you a HUGE favour by leaving you!
Know one needs this kind of jealous behaviour, and to go on and say he doesn't trust you because your not from his country? That's ridiculous!
I doubt very much he really wants you to have his child, rather this is another ploy to control you. Do you really want to be tied to a man who gives you no money? Who demeans you on a daily basis by not trusting you? Who has total control over your every move? That's not a life, that's an existance!
Run away from this man now while you still can. Your still young and now you have this fantastic oppurtunity to make a career for yourself and he doesn't like it. Show him you deserve some respect by giving him the boot. He's a waste of space!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2011): The reason of having a baby in his point of view if to keep you at home because he is jealous and not because he loves you, that is the worst reason to make a baby!! Having a baby out of marriage with someone who is not from your country, how about if you gave him a baby and then he moved back to his country? Who wants to pay for your baby and how you will get the support? You said he is separated how do you know? He is still married. If he wants a baby and you love him as well so he can get divorce and marry you. Ask him to see his reaction! Then he can have a baby.
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