A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Im a 14 year old and i´m currently dating a 19 year old, but he wont tell anyone because he´s embarrassed of dating some one so young. Do you think the age difference is a problem ? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, butterfly0916  +, writes (1 November 2009):
 Hey Honey....
i may not know much about relationships i must admit for i am young myself but if he is embarrassed by you then not only does he not really love you but it means he is only looking for one thing....plus he is 19 and you are only 14...im sorry if i sound harsh but you know better than that..you should (if i were you) break up with him and find something new you have a whole life ahead of you....find something worthy of you...not this 19 year old because when someone really loves nothing can hold you back.
hope you have a good day and i hope i helped in a little way.
A
female
reader, hannahgolightly  +, writes (30 October 2009):
 Hello,
I am glad that you are mature enough to question your situation with your boyfriend. At 14 you are quite likely to be rather grown up in a lot of senses. Unfortunately, your boyfriend is likely to be breaking the law by going out with you. It is likely that rather than being 'embarrassed', he is actually hiding his 'shameful criminal behaviour'. Of course this does not take into account how you both feel about eachother.
Having said this, I would be surprised if a 19 year old man would be willing to forfeit having sex during his sexual peak years to go out with a girl, even if she is as wonderful as you. I hope he is keeping his hands and other appendages to himself, but assuming he isn't, he is breaking the law. That is the bottom line.
You have nothing to hide here and nothing to be ashamed of, since you are the one who is underage and by law, not allowed to grant permission for sex.
My main concern for you is for your self esteem. Even though I have just explained why your boyfriend is keeping your relationship a secret, you have been feeling like he is embarrassed to be with you. This is very bad in terms of your self image and self worth. You deserve to be with a boy who parades you around with pride. I hope this experience has not robbed you of your ability to recognise that you are truely worth it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2009): You are too young for him based on your maturity levels and where you are in your lives. It says a lot about him that he would be dating a girl your age rather than one closer to his own age...he isn't very mature and he may be dating you for all the wrong reasons, like you are easily manipulated into giving him sex, for example.
I would take his embarassment as a sign that he is not really in this with you, he is in it for himself, which is bad news for you.
I think you would be best to be on your own or dating some kids in your age group, you will have a lot more fun if you do and less pressure from outsiders.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2009): I understand why he is embarrassed, I would probably be embarrassed too (hence the reason I wont date anyone that much younger than me). Especially when you are under the age of 20 the age difference is much bigger than if you were 24 and him 29.
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A
female
reader, bitch +, writes (27 October 2009):
Absolutely! You are too young for him. It is not just the age but the maturity level and what a young man wants at his age from a girl. I am afraid for you because I think guys at his age are very sexual and want sex more than anything else and you could end up in trouble for many reasons including getting pregnant. please use condoms if you do stay with him and you decide to have sex. You do not want to get pregnant or a sexually transmitted disease. I am just scared for you at this point. You are definitely too young to be dating this older boy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2009): At 14 and 19, 5 years is a big difference. It's because you two are at such different places in your lives: He's in college, or at least at that age, and you're in High School! He can legally drink, you can't (I know, most kids can if they want to, but I'm talking law here). In fact, I'm not sure about Germany, but where *I* come from, it's illegal for him to be sleeping with you.
That said, cut yourself - and him- some slack. In 5 years, that 5 years will be nothing. You will be 19 and he will be 24. Suddenly doesn't look so different, does it? What about 20 and 25? Completely OK. It's a funny thing.
Frankly, I think you should be careful, and not get swept up in the world of 20-somethings. You're 14, and there are such great experiences in that age that you could miss out on. Focus on the simple things, and don't grow up too fast. I did, I regretted it.
Headaches and love problems will come soon enough without us chasing them like a butterfly. :)
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A
female
reader, SweetCheeks. +, writes (27 October 2009):
I dont see why not.... age doesnt matter if yur in love...
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (27 October 2009):
I would suggest that there is a problem with this age. If I had a daugher who was still at school and still very young, I'd be a bit worried, I have to be honest. That said, if he's embarassed, then he's not totally committed to you. No man is supposed to be embarassed of the girl he loves. Ever. Think carefully about this. you shouldn't allow yourself to be his secret love who is kept away when he's with his friends.
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