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age
51-59,
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writes: My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for 6 months. We are serious, and have even just come back from a week long trip together. Now Thanksgiving is around the corner and he is not sure what his plans are. Says if he goes to his grandparents' house that I may not be spending it with him because he has to ask them first (that's a given) and there may not be enough beds to accomodate me. He will be there for a week, and said he has to ask his parents what the plans are because it is TG tradition for them to go to his g.parents house. He is 31 and I am 39. He said this doesn't mean he does not want to spend the holidays with me and he hopes I understand this. I am looking for a marriage partner and not someone who only wants me 98% of the time. He said not to get upset because he hasn't made a commitment what he's doing yet. He says he didn't think to ask me because he didn't think I'd want to go. This just doesn't make sense. He brought up the lack of beds thing last and it just sounds like he's afraid of commitment or doesn't want to spend the holidays with me. Should I move on and see this as lack of commitment, that we don't share the same goals? He's a great guy and treats me well otherwise.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think you are still misunderstanding. I DO NOT expect him to give me 100% of his time. That is totally unrealistic. I do want my partner to give 100%. There is a difference. We each have our separate interests and spend time alone and doing our own thing, which is completely healthy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhat I meant by I want someone who wants me 98% of the time was that I want them 100% into the relationship. I do not mean I want him to spend 100% of his time with me at all. Just wanted to clarify.
As for him trying to protect me, his parents and grandparents love me. I have been told that I could pass for 25 yrs of age and you would never guess we are not the same age. So age is not the issue. I was not trying to barge on his family event; I would have been okay with him spending it with my family. If your goals are the same, and marriage is in mind, seeing how your partner interacts with their family members is part of getting to know them as a person.
Update: He did come back the very next day and told me that he checked with his parents what the plans were and that his grandparents do have enough room. He said that we just got our wires crossed, that he wants me to know that he does want to spend the holidays together. He was very sweet and I know he meant it. But now, with all the wires crossing and me getting upset, I feel like I have invited myself. Oh brother!
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2009):
Oh get off your highhorse. You have only been together for 6 months so you have no right to barge your way into a family event.
And he may be protecting you- its possible that the family may not react positively to a their little boy being lead around by the nose by a 39 year old.
Maybe he wants to spent the day playing touch football with friends from the old neighborhood, watching the afternoon games and then sleep on the couch and doesnt want to have to entertain you.
When you guys are actually engaged there will be plenty of time to meet the family members in a less stressful setting.
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