A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Iv'e been going out with a guy i met at uni since april now and weve been on holiday together,hes met my parents and stayed with us and ive stayed with his parents. im 21 and hes 20 but sometimes i feel like we are soo different in how we view things. He tells me permenantly that he loves me and he texts me a thousand times a day even when i say please dont because im busy. one of the things i really liked about him initially was that he was fun and really made me laugh but also had a soft and kind side. but now i just seem to get annoyed at him because of his niceness. hes planned out when hes marrying me, how hes going to do it and when we're going to have kids!! ive said that its not something i want to think about right now and lets enjoy what we have but he will lay off for just a few days before he starts again. he seems to have a constant need to tell me he loves me and how wonderful i am too, but its annoying. i feel horrible but hes driving me mad with his constant need for reassurance,his clinginess and his obsessive behaviour. he seems to also make a huge point of telling me when he hasnt done something (eg.hes only told me three times that week that he loves me and we're getting married on the 22nd of april 2022 that day instead of his usual 6)!!!. All my friends and family have said he is very poilte but they wouldnt have thought he was my type at all.All the things i really liked about him i dont see now most of the time because of this annoying obbsessive niceness and clinginess. if i break up with him it will crush him.sometimes i love being with him when hes not talking babies and marriage or obsessing over how wonderful i am. am i just been hard hearted ,is he worth being with for when hes not being annoying? i dont know what to do,help please!!??
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks very much for all your answers, im going to talk to him but if things aren't going to change then i guess hes not right for me
A
female
reader, Stayc63088  +, writes (12 September 2012):
 I don't think you are being hard hearted. And to anonymous, girls want to hear nice things, they don't want to hear their future being planned and how in love the guy is every minute of the day. We would like an inbetween ignoring and overly clingy, you know, like a normal person. I am a clingy person but this is smothering and ridiculous. It begins to sound so insecure. I couldn't take it. It could be a young thing and I'm curious if you are his first serious girlfriend and that's why he is this way. Even so there would be nothing you could do, it would take more life/relationship experience and maturity to stop being this way. I don't think there are a lot of things you can say to stop it. I say that because you have already told him-
"ive said that its not something i want to think about right now and lets enjoy what we have but he will lay off for just a few days before he starts again."
And read anonymous123 again because it's exactly right. He will attempt to change himself for you but it won't actually last and he will become paranoid he is doing wrong and it will get even worse. Plus you will be trying to change who he is. You can try to talk to him again and let him know you are on the verge of getting out because you can't handle such seriousness so soon and see what happens. But I predict he will smother you until you leave. Since he annoys you so much it can't continue how it is now forever with no change. You either try and change him or get out.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (11 September 2012):
 Then, trade him in on a boyfriend who doesn't exhibit these traits that you find so annoying.....
There are - after all - about 3+ BILLION men in this world!!!
Good luck.....
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2012): If you love him then being clingy is not a bad thing. If you don't love him then I am sure it is quite annoying. Do you love him?
You women are so fickle it amazes me. I'm sure if he ignored you then you'd be complaining about that too.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (11 September 2012):
 He's clingy and always will be. Even if you talk to him about it and tell him that his obsessiveness is getting too much for you, he might tone it down for a while but then he would get paranoid thinking about how he's gone wrong and what if you leave him. And then he would get even more clingy.
In any case, you can telling him that you are not going to commit to anything because you are both very young and there is a lot to do in life than plan your future and babies at the age of 20! If things go right, then you can talk about this 5 years down the line, but not now.
Its very difficult to be with guys like this and I personally cannot deal with it. The best thing is to cut it short as soon as the drama starts. As soon as he starts gushing about you and the future, tell him to stop. You know you're wonderful, you dont need the reassurance. And you dont want your future planned for you, you will see how things are and then decide what you want. He cannot smother you in this way, and good as his intentions are, they are annoying and slowly getting intolerable.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (11 September 2012):
 I think you've gotten involved with an insecure guy who needs constant reassurance. Have you clearly told him how his behavior bothers you at all?
"John, look, you are a lovely person and I do care for you but I have to ask you to stop planning our wedding or talking about babies. We've been dating for 5 months and that is all too much too fast too soon and it frankly is bothering me.
"I know you care for me and I don't need the reminders every 10 - 20 minutes. It feels oppressive and clingy and I feel smothered by this.
"Can we please just date without planning a whole future? I will agree to start planning the future after 2 years of dating, okay? That will be enough time to get to know one another really well."
Personally, though, I dated guys like this and could never tolerate the neediness and insecurity. I would stop seeing this type as soon as I figured it out. He needs more help that you can give. He's in love with the fantasy he has about you, not the actual you. He's building a fantasy future with the fantasy you, not the real, flesh and blood, human who will make mistakes you.....
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A
female
reader, lmao1989 +, writes (11 September 2012):
 Have you tried talking to him about his obsessiveness?
perhaps he doesn't realise what he is doing
is actually really very annoying for you.
Maybe he thinks this is what he needs to do in order to make you feel special.
Perhaps talk to him let him know that it isn't something you need all the time and let him know that he's being a bit obsessive and it's frustrating you because you don't want to talk about the future yet you want to concentrate on the now.
He may not even realise that what he's doing is actually too much he may think it's what you want.
Just try talking to him and if it doesn't work then you'll have to consider the break up because it isn't fair if he feels there is a future with you when you feel the opposite and that there isn't one.
Hope this help hun chin up.
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