A
female
age
36-40,
*arnet85
writes:i would like to ask about my boyfriend of six years. he got another girl pregnant. i saw them dating through the pictures in facebook. i ask my boyfriend first but he refuse to answer. thats why i directly ask the girl. she said that my boyfriend is her boyfriend and shes pregnant and they are getting married and that i should back off. i ask my boyfriend regarding this and he said that he loves me and ask for a chance to fix the mess. i am deeply hurt because i love him so much. he said that he is not planning to marry the girl and he is asking for a chance to fix what happened. what shall i do? should i give him a chance?
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male
reader, Hnk  +, writes (8 July 2014):
 Well, you can not ask the question, why in many instances!
Like why me, why my girlfriend died?
Or why he left when I loved him dearly?
Sometimes we don't have answers and we can't blame anyone but to FOCUS ON OURSELVES and be more stronger in life!
I think its time for you to focus on yourself and be strong!
What's past is past, look for future and I'm sure there's a lot more to come and there'd be a lot to look forward to
Good luck
A
female
reader, garnet85 +, writes (8 July 2014):
garnet85 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni was thinking how could he do that to me..ive done my best to be a good girlfriend..i gave him all the love that i could..its tearing me apart..why is it that guys are cheaters most of the time..how can i ever trust a guy again..
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (7 July 2014):
 I would let him go. Let him be with this pregnant chick. He will tell you whatever he THINKS you want to hear.
Personally, I don't see what there is to fix. HE screwed up BIG time. HE cheated on you. HE got another woman pregnant and MADE her think he will marry her. Nope, nope and nope. He is not a keeper. Though... the other girl can keep him if she wants.... he will cheat on her too at some point. ANd he will cheat on you AGAIN if you stay.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2014): "i would like to ask him a lot lot of things..is that okay?"
What's the point? You already have irrefutable evidence that he's a lying, cheating, self-entitled, cowardly scumbag and so you would be foolish if not delusional to expect anything approaching the truth from him. If you must ask then he'll tell you what you want to hear while not taking any responsibility and deflecting blame towards everyone else but him.
"do you think that if he lied and cheated on me..he will also do the same to the girl that he got pregnant?"
He already is lying and cheating on her. Telling her he's her boyfriend and they're getting married is lying, and having sex with a woman she didn't know existed (whom would be you) behind her back is cheating on her.
But why do you care? You already know he's lied to and cheated on you, shouldn't that be enough for you to wash your hands of him? I'm sorry, but if you need to be "reassured" that he will treat her with the same disrespect and contempt as you for the sake of assuaging your vanity and your ego then your priorities are seriously out of balance.
You can't use "love" as an excuse to let abhorrent behavior slide. At some point you need to stand up and display some standards, morals and values, and the only way to achieve that is to walk away head high and eyes forward.
Men can't disrespect women who respect themselves.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 July 2014):
 No it's not OK !
I'd be curious how would he go about fixing this.
What is he going to do, is he going to un-date, un-fuck, and un-get pregnamt the girl whom he has been cheating on with, you and about whom he never came clean before you caught him red handed P
Or , does he mean he is going to give her the shaft and take back his promise of being with her and marrying her ( which, unless she is crazy and delusional, he must have done ? )
Nice guy, very reliable. Yeah right.
The second chance he wants is the chance to cook up some other lame bullshit to justify his , basically, having being leading a double life.
I particularly love his explanation of the why he got her pregnant- it's because you did not want to give him a baby and he wanted one.
Oh so he MUST have anything he wants , right ? If he wants a new car and you won't buy him. one.. he'll just go out and steal one. Has he ever heard of " you can't always get what you want " ?-
Mo matter what your position was about babies, he was not at freedom to go and make one behind your back. If having babies was such of an all important issue for him, he should have BROKEN UP with you first, then go and make his baby.
The truth, probably, is that he did not plan any baby, he was just too lazy and self complacent to use condoms and ... voila ( btw, go get checked for STDs, if he was having unprotected sex with both of you ).
No, don't bother asking him a lot a lot of things. He is a liar and will just tell you a lot a lot of lies.
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A
female
reader, garnet85 +, writes (7 July 2014):
garnet85 is verified as being by the original poster of the questiondo you think that if he lied and cheated on me..he will also do the same to the girl that he got pregnant?
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A
female
reader, garnet85 +, writes (7 July 2014):
garnet85 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you so much for those who helped..ls send me more encouragement coz i really need them right now..
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A
female
reader, Jane Shepard +, writes (7 July 2014):
 Looks like you'll just have to try the best you can to fix it with him, if you try hard enough you will succeed. You just need to be determined.
You just need to clear through and you'll get there in the end.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (7 July 2014):
 Six years you and him are still not prepared? I think he's lying about not loving her and trying to make it sound like an accident, or mistake so that it won't make him so wrong. He did a worse thing here which is to put the blame on you instead of owning up to cheating. He is stringing two women along. The only difference is that you used birth control, you are more careful and a planner while the other one is not and does not think things through. Regardless whether they are getting married I would back off, for the sake of the baby. Of course it's okay to ask him questions. He's at fault here. I don't think the answers will help convince you that he loves you. He betrayed your trust badly.
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A
female
reader, garnet85 +, writes (7 July 2014):
garnet85 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni asked him also why did he do that me..and he said its because i dont want to have a baby..i told him that its not that i dont want to have a baby..we have to prepare building a family..not just a baby..i know we are not yet prepared i dont want to risk our future..i still has a lot of questions running through my mind..i would like to ask him a lot lot of things..is that okay?
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (6 July 2014):
 "Sounds" to me like your "boyfriend" has a WHOLE 'nother life going on... and YOU aren't in it.
Are you content with that???? OR, do you realize that you'll be much better off once you dump this cad and get on with your life....
Good luck...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2014): First hand experience with this, however I had more going on. I moved out of where my boyfriend I was staying (with his relatives) because he refused to keep a job while I worked. I told him if he loved me he would change, 7 years of constantly walking away from jobs. Month after I left, he went on Craigslist and found a woman nearby to have sex with. Lied to me, pretended he was still working on himself, and eventually got her pregnant. (Even though he did not want to have a baby with me) Before I found out he had got her pregnant, he wanted me back and I was thinking of trying, but after find that out, I said NOPE, I'm done. Like someone else said, he wanted to string me along, just in case this other woman did not want a relationship with him. I was the longterm relationship girl while the other girl was the crazy sexy girl. He even said to me once if he could combine us into one person, we'd be the perfect girl. Sorry, if he loved you, he would never of cheated, unprotected. There is someone better out there for you, it may be hard. It was for me. 7 years was a long time, however I have found myself a wonderful man who actually loves me and wants a family/life with me. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2014): "he said that he loves me . . ." Don't believe what he says, believe what he does. If he really loved you then he wouldn't have cheated on you with another woman, got her pregnant and lied about it. ". . .and ask for a chance to fix the mess."He wants to string you along so he can continue having sex with you while he also strings his baby mama along. He's telling you what you want to hear while he's doing what he wants in the hope that you are dumb, desperate and/or naive enough to do believe him."what shall i do?"Muster up some self-respect, pride and dignity and dump him. If your standards are so low and/or you have so little self-esteem that you are willing to let a lying, cheating scumbag use you as a doormat, then you can expect to be treated with such contempt in the future.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (6 July 2014):
Dear OP,
I don't see a way in which your boyfriend could stay with you and "fix this".. I am sorry. But I am out of ideas how that could work. My advice is this: When it comes to men, don't just listen to what they say. Every guy can throw around words like "love", and some will say "I love you" as another way of saying, "I think you are very convenient to be around and I want to have sex with you, too". When you ask yourself if a man loves you, look at the actions. A man who really loves you will act like it. And not get another girl pregnant behind your back and then lie about it.
My advice would be to break up. You've been together for a long time now and I understand it would be hard at first, to be without him. But in the long run, I think it's better for the both of you.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (6 July 2014):
 Can you fix it? Your boyfriend has lied, cheated and now a woman is pregnant. How is he going to fix it? The woman thinks hes going to marry her. Did she just dream that up herself? I really kind of doubt it. You say it on facebook that they were dating....??? What is that all about?? I think you'd better figure out what is really going on and figure out whether you want to stay and listen to lies or walk away. I'd love to know how he's going to try to talk his way out of this. Time for you to see him for what he really is. I don't think there is much more of a wake up call then the one you just got. Sorry but I wouldn't trust anything that came out of this guy's mouth.
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A
male
reader, Hnk +, writes (6 July 2014):
I am sorry to hear about your ordeal!
I think he is double crossing you and the other girl!
I think you should break up with him because he can not be trusted! He is telling the other girl that he wants to marry her and telling you, he will leave her and be with you!
He's playing both of you as long as he can! Then one girl leaves and hr stays with the other. But after some time, I'm sure he'd find a new girl again beside his girlfriend.
What exactly is seen is that he's a liar and he would keep on cheating and find ways to make you believe but he wouldn't STOP.
How can he fix this all ? I don't think it can be fixed! Breakup, you deserve a lot better
Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2014): No leave him and move on he's done one of the worst things he could do get someone else pregnant. He cud do anything n ud take him back but don't, ur madly in love with him now but he clearly isn't with u no matter what he says because he wouldn't of gone behind ur back n betrayed u. He wouldn't admit to u what he did and u have had to go further by asking her . U will get over what he's done and u will find someone who loves and respects u unlike him do not take him back it shows u are weak and a door mat if u do he wants the best of everything to suit him he's selfish and only thinks of himself everything what he wants 6 years is a long time but u don't just accidently make someone pregnant take time out from a relationship have u time enjoy doing things with family and friends forget about him change ur phone number and do not contact him in any way show the world u r a strong person
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