A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I have a negative attitude when it comes to relationships and have many fears. I've been through hell in many of my past relationships; some of my exes were good guys but some of them made me feel like sh*t such as one of my first boyfriends when I was 15, who threatened to break up with me everytime I said no to giving him blowjobs (so I gave in and did whatever he wanted me to do, whenever he wanted) and who ended up messing around with 2 other girls while we were together. But I guess that's partially my fault for not having enough respect for myself to leave the first time I was mistreated by my exes. My last boyfriend who I loved very much, left me after a year because he fell out of love with me and I was single for a long time. I feel like this period was very good for me; I became happy without a relationship and got self respect. I enjoyed not having to be emotionally dependent on a guy, and guys would pursue me but I would never really take them seriously or catch feelings for them. Until I met my current boyfriend and fell for him.Now I have a boyfriend again and he treats me really well. He is very sweet to me, affectionate, and just about all the things I need and want in a relationship are present in ours. I love to see him happy and I love all the little things about him. I love him a lot and I've shown him things (thoughts, feelings, memories, etc.) that I haven't shown any other guy, he makes me feel very comfortable and safe. Yesterday he hinted that he wanted to marry me someday and I asked "What did you say?" And he wouldn't repeat what he said and said it just slipped out by accident. I'm not ready for anything like that yet and won't be for a long time but it was at least nice to hear he is serious about me. We're very close, and happy. I want to stick with him as long as possible.But I sometimes have a hard time feeling happy because I think of all the ways it can go wrong, and when he doesn't text me back or if he doesn't seem as excited to see me, etc. it makes me feel very anxious and I start overthinking everything and wonder if I would be happier if I was single, even though he hasn't really done anything wrong. It makes me anxious that I'm getting close to someone who could completely break my heart or disappear from my life one day. How can I overcome my negative attitude? Thanks for taking the time to read and answer this.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 July 2014):
 I think everyone has anxiety like yours to some extent. Some people try their best to contain it while some vocally express what's in their minds. As long as you are not overbearing and he is understanding then your relationship will be fine. A better way of saying overcoming your fears like it's an enemy would be to tell your nagging "friend" that it's all going to be okay. I've had a lot of people to "thank" for my negative attitude but one thing I keep reminding myself is that the person who loves you just wants to see you happy.
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