A
female
age
30-35,
*mith1012
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for over a year. When we initially started dating he seemed flawless! After we began to get serious I started finding porn stashes in his room, and caught him staring at women. It really hurt me, to the extent of making me feel crazy and jealous. Some times he would tell me "I am not checking them out, just glance at all people". So i took him for his word. Well we had our goods and our bads, and finally I ended things with him. I couldn't take feeling like I was less than, or not good enough for him, and I knew I deserved better. After a few months passed by without talking to him, we ran into each other. We starting hanging out again and trying to reconnect. And we did. He had really seemed like he changed. He wasn't looking at other girls, or porn. Things seemed just peachy in the beginning, just as it did the first go-around. Well recently we got into an argument because I caught him looking down his cousins, yes I said cousins, shirt. His cousins who has very large breasts. I know it may sound silly for me to be concerned, but I figure if he looks at his cousin's boobs, why wouldn't he look at other women, just as his did before. Well after I confronted him about it, he admitted to it, but said he wasn't looking at them like "that" just looked at them because they are huge and were hanging out. And since we were on the topic of looking at girls, I asked him if he checked out girls when I wasn't around, he was honest and told me, "Yes, sometimes I look, it's just a guy thing." I respect him for being honest, but it still hurts. Currently we are not speaking. I am 18 years old, and really need advice from an older woman. I am too embaressed to tell my mom or anyone else. Some one please help me!
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male
reader, Cupid Boy  +, writes (11 March 2011):
 Your bf has a "roving eye". I won't say being 19 fully excuses it because my friends and I were 19 once and never behaved like that. Maturity isn't just a matter of age. There are middle-aged men who leer disrespectfully at others, and also teen boys who never do.
So if you don't want a guy who does that, then just keep looking. Decent guys are out there, though they may not be as flashy and exciting as your pervy bf.
A
female
reader, smith1012 +, writes (7 March 2011):
smith1012 is verified as being by the original poster of the question to reply to the previous two answers, my boyfriend is 19... so yes, young and immature!
Thank you to you both! This has helped!!!!
please keep the answers coming!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (7 March 2011):
 I know it is difficult, but your loved one will always have eyes, and those eyes will eventually be used to look at other people. There will always someone out there who will catch your loved one's eyes. There is nothing you can realistically do about it.
If your loved one does love you, this crush or infatuation of this intense attraction for, say, cousin's breasts, won't last much. It will be a thing of the moment and nothing else.
The same with porn. I take it this man is young. So he has a high sex drive and this is one of his outlets.
As to his looking, I think it would be unrealistic of you to expect it will not happen again, with anyone else. It will happen. I am sure you will also check someone out from time to time. You have to learn to live with it. If you can't take it from this particular young man, then you have to leave him.
As to the pornography, maybe he will grow out of it, or maybe not. That is all I can realistically say.
All the best.
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A
male
reader, rivi +, writes (7 March 2011):
If everything else about the relationship is fine just stop fixating on this minor thing : it IS just a guy thing.If you think you're going to find some guy who never looks at other women prepare to remain single for many years !
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A
female
reader, Libra1963  +, writes (7 March 2011):
 You have not said how old your boyfriend is but he sounds very young and immature. Its obvious he has a high sex drive by the way you have described him. It does not sound like any amount of talking is going to change him. Either you love him for who and what he is now and hope he eventually matures, or leave him.
Young guys do tend to have a high sex drive and often can not help themselves and the body language they portray. some older men have this problem and their women learn to accept it although its not really acceptable.
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