A
female
age
,
*ipsqueky
writes:My partner of 10 years is often insulting about my family to the point where I get really upset. We are both in our 50's and have had several falling outs about his attitude. If I mention my son, daughter, sisters, brother etc. he doesn't reply and seems indifferent. Today, I am really upset because my brother has gone to a lot of trouble to put together my late grandmother's memoirs which she wrote when she entered sheltered accommodation in her 90’s. She was very much all there, and her writing was excellent. I showed my partner to which he replied 'you aren't going to read the boring ramblings of an old woman are you?'. This is my grandmother he is talking about and her life story which took her through two world wars, widowed at 27 with 4 children to look after and a very interesting and eventful life. Reading it is very moving to me as I am seeing her in a different light, not just an old woman who looked after us a lot as children, but as an interesting individual. Am I just being over sensitive? If he said 'sorry for being an ignorant pig' I would be ok about it now, but he has gone off in a strop because I am not speaking to him and I am wondering why we can't just get on. Thanks for reading the 'ramblings of an old woman'! Any feedback would be appreciated.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2011): What a horrible thing to say. I would take the job and move out. I'm not sure what his reasons are for not liking your family, but it doesn't in any way justify anything like the sort of behavior you're describing. That is all about him and he needs to work it out on his own and stop hurting other people. I think your grandmother's life sounds very interesting.
A
female
reader, pipsqueky +, writes (7 March 2011):
pipsqueky is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank all of you who have taken the trouble to reply. I can understand why people would think he's a total insensitive jerk and on some issues I agree. To his credit he does a lot of things for me but then he has plenty of time and money so maybe they are no sacrifice to him anyway. We discussed things this morning and he said he stormed off because he was in a temper with me for over reacting to what he termed 'light banter'. I said that after all these years he should know me and what upsets me. He can't or won't see my point of view though. At least I have just been offered a job so it gives me some freedom and independance to move out if I decide that's the right thing to do. Thank you again everyone.
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A
female
reader, AlwaysHereToHelp! +, writes (7 March 2011):
 Hello :)Well from what you have told me this man just sounds like bad news. Especially if he is too insensitive and pig headed to even say sorry.I think that you should have given him the boot along time ago. You sound like a nice lady and I am sure you deserve better than someone who constantly insults your family and doesn't care if you get upset.I think you should tell him that you think he is insensitive and you don't like the way he bad mouths your family tell him that they are your pride and joy and you wouldnt change them for the world. If he doesnt like it and can't accept it he might as well leave. If he does, it proves that he must not care about the way you feel and cannot come to terms with accepting your family and trust me you are alot better off without him. If he agrees that he will try to appreciate your family and you as a human being then give him another chance but any of this behaviour and get rid of him straight away! I hope my answer helps and please don't let him bad mouth your family and upset you. Be strong don't give him the satifaction! :D
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (7 March 2011):
 Here's the problem. You've been together for 10 years. You've had lots of fallings out about this subject. It's something that repeats itself over and over in the relationship.
Frankly, this continues because your fights don't have teeth. He doesn't respect your feelings, and you have given him no real reason to change that viewpoint. Shout? Cry? Scream? Issue ultimatums? All child's play to him because he can tune out your emotions and he's convinced that you will never follow through on any ultimatums.
Yes, he's insensitive. To insult your family is to insult you. Do you still have sex with him after he treats you this way? Do you give in because you feel he has the "balance of power" in your relationship financially? Are you terrified of being alone should you leave him? Do you prefer the unhappy rut you find yourself in rather than break free from him and face the unknown?
You have to put teeth to your words, or it will never change. Leave him. Stop having sex. Stop *insert thing he likes it when you do it for him*.
Also, on the other side, when he does things that are good (i.e. respects your family, treats you well) likewise, reward him for it. Too many times, a guy will do something nice, yet it goes unappreciated. It's a dual edged approach.
If you feel it's beyond repair, don't spend any more time with him. But if you have a weakness that inhibits you from giving your request teeth, he'll spot it and exploit it and it will never end.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (7 March 2011):
 Comments like that come from insenstive boors. No, you're not being too sensitive, he's being a jerk.
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