A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi and thanks!My boyfriend and I have been together almost 2 years. I recently purchased a new cell, it was well needed as my other one was old and not functioning properly. My bf decided he should also have a new one, at my expense. I was a bit shocked! Maybe I'm being petty but I believe he should get his own phone. After a couple weeks of him nagging I did say I would help get him a good used one, he wasn't thrilled and mentioned he couldn't put anything towards it. I ended up getting him a nice used one and when i gave it to him he wasn't appreciative at all. The next day he gave it to his brother. I was hurt, but it was my own fault for trying to help. I have told him not to expect anything fancy from me in the future and I felt he was inconsiderate. He mentioned I'm stingy and petty. Any thoughts?
View related questions:
my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2021): Is your self-esteem so low you are willing go settle for this piece of trash?
Please!
Do yourself a favour and trade him in for a man! You don't need a boy!
A
female
reader, Tinacandida  +, writes (24 August 2021):
 I dont think my husband of 40 yrs would demand anything off me. Now if he had a different approach he might get something.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2021): Do not buy this dude anything.He does not respect you at all.If you stay with him and get married your future with him would be terrible.You would be the only one working....taking care of the kids...doing all of the housework on your own.All he sees with you is...money.You deserve to be loved for who you are not your money.This dude needs to go back to his mommy because he is still a child.Dump him get a real man who will actually love and respect you for who you are.This guy is not it!!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2021): Once you are naive enough to buy him a phone he loses respect for you and treats you like dirt. Hardly surprising.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2021): How ungrateful and entitled!!! Even if the phone was refurbished, I've seen some pretty nice well-functioning pre-used phones! He gave it away??? You still paid for it, it wasn't free! What kind of a man demands a woman to provide for him?
I think he got it backwards; HE'S the petty one!!! I think you should learn from this and realize what kind of person you're committing yourself to.
A real-man would have bought himself his own phone. Whether you can afford to buy him one or not; his attitude was nasty, privileged, and out of line! It's a gift, not an obligation! You had to hold-on to your old phone, until you were able to replace it with a new one. Why didn't he spring for a new phone for you, when he saw the condition your old phone was in?
If you were stingy, you wouldn't have bought him a phone at all; and if he wasn't petty, he would have kept the phone and shown some gratitude. He behaved like a spoiled snotty little-boy!
What a baby-man! Throwing a tantrum and giving the phone away! Well, it seems his brother realizes the generosity behind the phone, even if he doesn't. He had no right to give it away; he should have given it back! No! He shouldn't have asked for one in the first-place!!!
Boyfriends are disposable and replaceable. I hope you give this a lot of thought and consider what kind of a man you're wasting your time and feelings on.
You had better pickup on red-flags and warning-signs when you've got yourself a loser, girlfriend!
Outrageous!
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 August 2021):
 Why is it your responsibility to BUY your BF a phone? *hint hint* it's NOT!
He isn't a CHILD and you are not his mommy!
He wants a new phone then HE will have to work and save up to get one!
Ask for the phone back. Then you can sell it and recoup that money. If he says he can't get it back, tell him you will use it to trade it for a better one... That doesn't mean a better one is for him, right?
If you LET people USE you, they will.
Dump the loser.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2021): The fact that he is aaking anyone other than himself for a phone is rather strange and a turn off, but I guess I don’t know his situation. However, if he demanded it, that’s strange as hell. Also, if he really needed it, he’d be more than happy with the used one. Clearly he doesnt need it, otherwise he wouldnt give it away.
Then he calls you petty.
The issue here is also your conflicting world views.
For example, you gave it your best by buying the used one. You thought you’d meet him half way by going from “no i wont get you a phone” to “fine, but a used one.”
He didnt want u to come half way and compromise, he wanted you to meet him completely at his side.
Then, after he sees you meeting him halfway, know he has an anther unhealthy worldview. That unhealthy worldview is that you are supposed to sacrifice your well-being in order to prove that you are a loving girlfriend.
You have to do everything he wants the way he wants it, otherwise, you are unloving.
Not healthy. He needs to work on these thought patterns.
If I were you, I would have a conversation about it.
Try to use I statements rather than you statements and point out observations and feelings rather than label him or labeling his actions.
Good luck
...............................
A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (22 August 2021):
 You have been together for two years, has he shown signs of this kind of behaviour during this time?.
You went out of you way to get him a phone, when really he should be getting it himself, he is a grown man after all.
He was expecting a brand new phone, so when he received a used one, which i'm guessing was as good as new and still in its original box, he decided to act like a spoilt brat.
I apologise for my use of terminology but i feel that is what he is, a spoilt brat.
To receive a gift, then turn around and give it to his brother, who i bet was over moon to receive a phone, this is disrespectful and out of order, and i don't think you should have to put up with this kind of behaviour.
If this keeps up, i would walk away from this relationship and find someone who is going to work with you and not against you.
...............................
A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (22 August 2021):
 Op I think you have realized that you made a mistake of being kind and giving into his demands. It would have been far better if you had just said "Gee I'm sorry I can't help out but you can buy a less expensive phone or else save up for a nice one." He isn't your responsibility and I wouldn't give in to him! If he can't afford something then too bad. I find it totally disrespectful that you bought him a phone and he turned around and gave it to his brother! I would have said to him "Since you didn't want the phone I gave you, at least you can either give it back or give me the money for it." Don't let him walk all over you! Honestly he sounds like a chump. Dump the chump
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2021): If he wants a new phone, then he should pay by postal order or MoneyGram / Western Union.
He's acting like a jerk, and that would be one reason to end a relationship.
If there's something you want and your partner can't get it, or won't, there's always the other option of postal orders or Moneygram etc. and they should realize it.
What I'm saying is generally UK-specific for postal order stuff, but Moneygram / WU works just as well.
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (22 August 2021):
 Any thoughts? Oooooh so many, but a lot of them would probably get my post removed, lol.
So I will sum them up thus: when an adult man wants a new toy, he can blooming well pay for it himself, unless you CHOOSE to treat him for a special occasion. Let him winge and moan and tantrum all he likes. The answer is still NO.
You state "I believe he should get his own phone" yet you allowed him to wear you down and "nag" you into buying him a perfectly acceptable one, which he chose to reject and give to his brother.
You have been together 2 years. Is this a man with whom you see a long term future? Is this how you are going to live, with his entitled ar$e demanding you spend your money on him, then rejecting what you buy as not expensive enough?
Does he work? What doe she do with HIS money?
Sorry to ask this but, is he, by any chance, someone from a completely different culture? Sounds like a scammer to me, hence why I ask.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2021): My thought is that ,best case scenario,you are dating someone who has assolutely no class,no manners and no respect for you (besides apparently having no money ).Worst case scenario, he is a moocher who's taking you for a ride and his "devotion"will only last until he can get enough freebies out of you.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2021): He sounds like a total user. Suggest you get rid of him. In future dont buy a partner stuff unless it's a birthday or celebration gift or occasional treat. Certainly dont buy them things because they demand them like a stroppy child. He is an adult and he can buy his own phone. If he has no money then he better get a job so he can buy one. It's not your responsibility to furnish him with lifes luxuries.
...............................
|
