A
male
age
26-29,
*urtButInLove
writes:I’m 26 and my gf is 19. When we first met I really tried to not let my feelings get the best of me and I tried to basically not like her. That didn’t work. We ended up spending a lot of time together and started dating. Dating during Covid was definitely hard but we made it work and I truly love her. At the beginning of July she found out she was pregnant. She was on the pill but forgot them when we went on a trip away. We didn’t think she would get pregnant but just a few missed pills, took the chance and had sex. She told me she wasn’t ready to have a baby. I told her I would support her but I would definitely be there for her and the baby and that we would make it work. She decided to have an abortion. I didn’t want her to but I made sure she knew I supported her. I love her , I love everything about her. When I see my future I see her but I know that stuff scares her and she’s not ready for any of that. This past weekend we went to a family reunion, everyone there commented on how in loved we look and how they never seen people just look at each other and smile like we do. It was the first time since she had the abortion that I had fun and didn’t think about it. Will it get easier? And how do I explain to her with out scaring her that she’s the one
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female
reader, Tinacandida  +, writes (31 August 2021):
 Youve shown her that you are there for her. Thats all you can do. Maybe she will just cooe with the situation and move on, after all she said that she wasnt ready for kids yet. If in the future it begins to affect her you will hopefully be astute to that.
A
female
reader, Tinacandida +, writes (27 August 2021):
Youve both had to deal with the abortion. There coukd be a number of feelings about it and Im sure guilt coukd be one of them. If these feelings arent rackled now tgey coukd come back at you later and damage your relationship. You could both go and speak to a qualified counsellor who will be able to support you both. Good luck for your future.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (27 August 2021):
 Ultimately, you can't MAKE her get help. You have suggested counseling and being there if she wants to talk, there isn't much else you can do.
I don't think women "get over" such a traumatic event, ever. They just get better at living with it.
I had a miscarriage and 25+ years later it's still rolling around in my head occasionally.
She might not be ready to talk about it yet, and she might rather talk to someone who has gone through it.
Just give her time.
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A
male
reader, HurtButInLove +, writes (26 August 2021):
HurtButInLove is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI’ve mentioned counseling and she get upset and says she is fine. I’ve offered to talk if she needed to but again she refuses to talk about it.
I don’t want to come off as pushy, I’ve told her I’m here if she needs to talk but I’m not sure what more to do or say to her.
She’s amazingly strong person but she has dealt with severe depression in the past (before I knew her) so I do worry about her.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 August 2021):
I would suggest your GF get some counseling. Most places that offer abortions ALSO offer to counsel.
She is dealing with the hormonal side (as she started to produce pregnancy hormones) then is dealing with the emotional, moral, her personal values etc. It's a LOT.
Even if she didn't want a child she STILL will feel the loss. This is why finding a counselor would be a good idea so she can work through the grief etc.
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