A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello all! My question is quite general and refers to the possible differences between the sexes. I really love my bf and he loves me. He’s a great guy with loads going for him and he is very loving and affectionate. We are planning to have kids and buy a house.One thing is bugging me though, he struggles when I am upset and emotional and my question is, is this just a guy thing or should I be worried? For the record I can be very over-emotional at times, but aren’t all women? This is my point, do all men struggle with it? He is also a psychiatric nurse so has to deal with people with mental and emotional issues all the time and my feeling is that he struggles with it ‘after hours.’ I try to spread it out a bit and talk to my girlfriends, but sometimes I just want to off-load to him but to be honest, I think he really struggles with it. Is this normal or is he emotionally shut-down and should I run for the hills?!! I want to stay and work through this difference. Looking back, this has been an issue before, and a lot of my exes struggled too so I’m wondering if this is just a guy thing?Your thoughts…
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (4 April 2011):
 Women need to VENTMEN need to FIXso when you VENT to your MAN he thinks he needs to fix it and he can't so he feels helpless.when you want to VENT tell him you are venting and you do not need or WANT to have him fix it....
A
female
reader, Lizzy111 +, writes (4 April 2011):
It is a guy thing. If you state yourself that you can be sometimes overemotional - it will be harder for men to understand. Of course there are also same type of guys out there and they will be able to understand you with that, but then if both parties get those moments then life can get really rocky at least in my opinion.
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A
male
reader, Drew21  +, writes (4 April 2011):
 How long have you been with him?Have you sat him down and talked to him about it?I'm not sure exactly what happens when you get over-emotional. I know the woman i eventually wound up marrying had a few bouts when i first met her that completely freaked me out...Eventually i just adjusted to them, and learned that when she got over-emotional i just had to let it run it's course and not get too worried. I think that may be the main thing. Most guys want to fix all of your problems (i know i did). It is tough to understand that sometimes women just don't want you to FIX their problem, they just want someone to listen to them.
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A
male
reader, honestman  +, writes (4 April 2011):
Well, I think that this is very common and normal in guys. I myself almost shut down when girlfriend is crying. It will be hard for you to find a partner that does not get upset when you are. If you get to find one, it would be probably an Antisocial guy [violent ones], or someone without feelings/remorse [which could kill you or your kids]. There might be normal guys out there that can tolerate a girl getting emotional, but it would be very very difficult to find.I say you give him a chance, and comprehend that we male are hardwired to be that way. We male are practical: if we see a problem, we fix it. But if we see our girlfriend crying, we get frustrated because we can't fix her right away and avoid her suffering.
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