A
female
age
36-40,
*laMich88
writes:I was 17 when I fell for my brothers best friend. He was 25. He lived in Alabama and I lived in Michigan but he had come up to visit and that's when we got together. I moved to Alabama on my 18th birthday and I am now 21 years old and he is 28 (almost 29). Its Goin on Almost 4 years and well needless to say Some Things Haven't Changed and I don't know what to do anymore. Q= My Boyfreind likes to buy Porn Mags and DVDs and HIDE them from me but I always come accross them. And when I do I get very upset and angry because I feel he is lying to me by going behind my back like this. We have argued over and over again about him doing this and just when I think he's stopped.....I find a stack of mags he hid from me! It really bothers me! I feel like I'm not good enough and the fact that he is going out and buying the mags and DVDs really gets my blood boiling. What do I do? My real Question is.....is he looking at these mags because he is not attracted to me anymore? Isn't it considered to be lying to me when he goes behind my back to buy these and hide them? Why does HE get mad at me when I'm not the one who went behind his back and spent money we don't really have on a sexual fantasy? I don't get it. I really don't and I would greatly appreciate if someone could please tell me why he is doing this? Esp.after sooo long of being together, why does he need to look at those little girls in the mags and lie to me about it. I'm sick of finding these magazines and DVDa all over the place! I've already gotten rid of a garbage bag Full of them! And yet he is still buying and hiding them? ( I have another Question that will be following this one if you could look out for it and tell me the coincidence?)
View related questions:
best friend, money, porn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (4 February 2010):
 Please pay full attention here....There is a great difference between eroticism and sex. Even ancient civilization was not entirely clear on this point, when we talk about erotic sculpture of that time. It is all in India also. [That Khajuraho sculpture} Eroticism means Tantra, is very well in to words and ideas, and not in to sculpture. It is art work, and artists are not a good philosopher, but they just see the life of their time, they happen to see and put it in to art work. And, is all about art work and not about philosophy. Philosophy demand highest intellectual wisdom.
I am considering your saying is great, it is this:'he doesn't perform all that great in the sack anymore....he "Cums" waaayy tooo fassst and there is never any foreplay or anything! it really sucks.....its a good observation.
Yes, pornography has made all thing worst. Its influence is like poison.
See, Tantra { eroticism }, relate sex with mind. and do not go directly towards male-female relationship, but towards wise mind.
I advise you to read my articles on Tantra, published in this site. It will give you real vision about sex, about love, and about relationship and all in all about life.
It will be my pleasure to answer your question, so be free to ask me, or put here on record, and I will answer, which other will read also.
A
female
reader, Shadow Friend +, writes (4 February 2010):
Both of my ex husbands were feminists...hence, they did not use pornography. Look up pornography and objectification.....educate yourselves. Pornography is new idea in the last 100 years....erotic art is great...pornography is an excuse and most female actors in it are really mentally ill and being forced to make it. Take control and dump him...he is not worth it. Stand on your own two feet and pick a new man....never let them pick you up.
...............................
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (30 January 2010):
 "Men did live without porn for most of humanities history, but with the advent of playboy and now the internet, it seems to be as essential as food and water"
Actually, the first piece of erotic sculpture was done before paper was found.. British museum has a statue of a man and women having sex and you can clearly see their sexual organs meeting. This piece is dated around 11,000 years ago.
The Greeks, the Romans, the Egyptians all had art representing sexual intercourse, and not only man-woman, but man-man, woman-woman, and orgies too. A lot of this history was hidden by the Victorians. Most societies across time have felt no need to ban pornography. The current laws around pornography only came in the 18th century with the Victorians. I could go on, but the history of sex is very long. You are very, very wrong.... pornography and erotica goes back a long way, censorship of sex dose not.
...............................
A
female
reader, AlaMich88 +, writes (27 January 2010):
AlaMich88 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhen I found the first stack of mags, yes I did go through the house and I ended filling a garbage bag full of porn, I did not throw them away, I just wanted to show him that was crazy how much mags he had. And for the internet thing, he looks porn up on the internet as well as buyin mags. It does bother me but I thought long and hard about it and after reading all your answers, I decided to let it go. I'm giving him back his massive amount of porn and I am gonna try to look past it. there's more to life than porn and I say that because he could be cheating on me, and he's not and he could be addicted to drugs, and he's not. So he can have his porn. I just wish he wouldn't hide stuff from me. Thank you all.
...............................
A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (27 January 2010):
 why did you put them in a bag you dont have the rite to throw them out so i hope you didnt,
with that said i will now say your bf is a jerk, and stupid theres to mutch free porn on the internet to waste money buying mags.
well i can tell you this he wont stop so if it bothers you your gonna have to leave secondly i dont see why he should have to stop hes a grown man if he wants to spend his hard earned money on stacks of porno mags he should be able to, your not his wife you really dont have any say.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2010): There's a chance that he's an addict... which would ONLY mean that he can't control the urge to buy and use the porn... nothing else. I agree with others that you shouldn't take it personally... but if your living with an addict, he can't stop, even if he tells you he will, or knows that he should.
...............................
A
female
reader, AlaMich88 +, writes (27 January 2010):
AlaMich88 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI tried talking to him about buying and hiding his mags but he didn't have anything to say so it was pointless! I really try to be cool about it but its very hard esp.when he has the nerve to tell me what I can and can't buy. Understandable that money is tight right now but NOT that tight if he's buyin new mags! He thinks I am jealous of him lookin at porn and I'm not jealous! I am upset that he is hiding them like I wouldn't ever find them. I just feel that he lives a double standard and its not fair! Also, he doesn't perform all that great in the sack anymore....he "Cums" waaayy tooo fassst and there is never any foreplay or anything! it really sucks....I'm just stuck on if I should just deal with it or move on. I love him but the whole porn thing is too much. It wouldn't be a big deal if I was finding one mag here and there every so often! I'm finding stacks and stacks of pornos! Alllll brand new too so what's up with that? Today I filled up a garbage bag of mags! Its nuts! And he laughs at me so its pointless ya know what I mean?
Thanks for Writing me.....I do admit that I feel a lot better. Ill think about everything y'all said and see what happens even though I have said and did all that lol.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2010): Guys develop this habit at a young age and then find it very hard to kick and even resentful for being asked to do so. It's just such a part of their life and they use it to relieve stress, to escape reality or just to relax before going to bed.
It doesn't reflect at all on his love for you, in a man's mind these are separate issues and he probably can't understand why you make this connection, anymore than you can understand why he can't live without porn. (men did live without porn for most of humanities history, but with the advent of playboy and now the internet, it seems to be as essential as food and water LOL)
This issue is driving apart many couples and it will tear you apart as well if you can't find a happy resolution. You may need to resign yourself to the fact that your home will never be porn free as long as you are with this man, he is the wrong man for that. Fighting over this will tear you two apart :(
...............................
A
male
reader, iamaphony +, writes (27 January 2010):
Never, ever, take "guys and their porn" personally. Porn allows a man to get a certain something done and finished quickly and easily... don't know how to be anymore vague than that lol. Some of us need to do that certain deed every day, others a few times a week, sometimes just once in awhile. Rarely does it have much to do with how much sex we have either.
It's kind of like how some people like to drink tea before bed, or coffee in the morning. It's part of a man's ritual that keeps the flow of life going. However, due to it's acceptance by women and society, it's come down more to having that "joint" before bed, or that cigarette with the coffee, but the lady doesn't want us to smoke, so we hide it.
So again, never take any of it personally. I stick to the free internet stuff.... when needed.
If your sex life is good, (and keeping the porno out of your mind) he still shows attraction and affection for you. You're making something out nothing.
However, if it's affecting the above (not your personal feelings), he may have a problem. There are men who do develop a porn addiction, or get to the point that porn and paying for sex is the only thing that will turn them on. This is very rare, and a lot more rare than women believe, i.e. he's not attracted to me anymore. Just something to look out for, NOT stress over.
...............................
A
female
reader, pril +, writes (27 January 2010):
Ok men and porn is like women and shoes they have to have it. I use to think I wasn't good enough that is y my husband bought porn mags. But that's not the case men just have to have it. I don't no why but they do. Him hiding it is probably because he doesn't want to see your reaction. my husband still hides it and he knows I don't really care if he has them. I still don't like it but I no he is going to get those mags anyway. I hope this helped.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2010): i had this same problem with my ex husband and felt the same way u did that i wuznt good enough for him and he just had to c these girls to get turned on. but i come to find out now that its a guy thing and u shouldnt take it to personal. but wht i did after all the fighting and yelling wuz to b open minded about the situation i told him that he could have them as long as i can c them with him and that we will buy them together and sure enough we both enjoy it and he never had to hide them from me. so maybe u should try this. and ik that is very hard for u to know ur man is watching other gilrs ik that he wouldnt have to cuz he luvs u and u should b the only one that he should wanna look at but sadly its just a thing or a fantasy for them. wish u the best.
...............................
|
