A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hi everyone ... Please read my story , because I just dont know what to do and Im constantly privately in tears . I found out by pressuring one of the guys ( and thats a story in itself ) That my b/f of 3 1/2 years attended a " filthy " lap dance club . Its a Club where the dancer rubs her body all over him to get the male erect , then the man can masturbate right near her spread legs .. This is what he did ! I simply cant believe that my previously wonderful man would do this to me ..Can you imagine how I felt ? This dancer , who he doesn't even know rubbing her body all over him and he " does that " in front of her , Some of it may have even splattered over her . Its just so degrading and I feel violated ..This is real Cheating correct ? I sure think it is ..Its disgusting and degrading , makes me feel like a common whore . How can I stay with this man ? I haven't been able to sleep with him , I get mad when I look at him . And guess what ? He doesn't know that I know !! Girls and Guys ..Please ..What should I do ? this is a disaster , I have never felt so bad and Im an attractive young girl .
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question I found the post from the annonomous lap dancer really intersting , as I said , I have some girlfriends who do it here , I have no problem with them getting guys errect and urned on to the point where some nearly release .
But this club is really Seeeeddy ( low class ) skankie ..I just cant believe that he would actually do this ! And why actually masturbate ? some of this " stuff " might have even nearly gone inside her .
Its so hurtfull that Guys go and do this stuff ..Spreading their seed ..And Im just so angry that there she was in this room rubbing her naked body ..right near his cock for Money .
I just think Its disgusting ..Lets see if he likes it if I go and become a dancer ? Ive got the body for it and my friends have suggested I come working with them .
I might just tell him , after Ive already worked a couple of nights , I wouldn't mind making money out of just doing that .
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (4 March 2010):
 It's a man's world.
You cannot change their world. You can either accept it or don't venture there.
You have to decide if what he did was unforgivable and all those years of togetherness means nothing anymore to you .
If you can come to terms with his digressions,you may still have a relationship.
You could tell him your feelings and warn him against doing it again.
If you cannot accept his past actions and find there is no room for forgiveness in your heart, you should let him go.
Whether you can continue to remain in this relationship will depend on the depth of your love, understandings and forgiveness.
Can your love overcome this obstacle?
Do not make hasty decisions or in anger or you will regret it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2010): I’m a dancer and I can tell you that it most probably happened... I work in an up market club and I would never do anything like that (for my own self-respect, sanity and the rules I must abide by), but I have caught co-workers in the act, as well as the fact that there are clubs in my state which carry a prostitution license- hence, why they are able to commit 'sex acts'.
There is some intense psychology behind all of this, including why I chose to become a dancer, as well as men (just as 'wonderful' and 'loving' and 'normal' as your boyfriend) come in to the clubs. I was cheated on... Imagine your idea of the 'worst case scenario'- and times it by 100! My reaction was "I want to pay it back".
As bad as it sounds, I wanted to exonerate and pass the hurt onto all of the wives and girlfriends who are as blind as I was. If any woman thinks that they are the ‘one and only’, then they are completely deluded. I wanted to play games with men and use them like I had been. And the men? ...
There are things that happen inside every man's head that, unless you work in this industry, you will never know about. Things that he thinks about every time he sees a woman, but he knows that it is unacceptable to let them escape his mouth. Some of the things I've heard make me laugh and sometimes they make me feel sick.
Men are filth. They are all the same. They are all so full of shit. And that is the reality of situation: the male brain is created differently to that of a woman's. It's scientifically and psychologically created to expel continuous thought of a sexual nature. It's a fact. You can either cry about it or harden the fuck up and get over it.
I certainly wish that my ex-boyfriend of two years had gone to a 'filthy' lap-dancing club, rather that do what he did to me...
Save your tears, love- such is life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks all ..but let me just fill you in on the club , because I understand what you are saying . I know all about lap dancing clubs , I have three girlfriends doing it here in Australia . If the club serves alcohol , there are really strict regulations and you certainly CANNOT masturbate ( similar in most parts of USA ) . This is a second tier club , ( no alcohol)so its different regulations , the girls dance and rub all over the guys to get them horney..then if the guy wants to he can remove his clothes and masturbate . Thats why I use the word " filthy " in my question . Oh by the way ..It definetly happened . I get so angry when I think of some girl rubbing her body all over him , making him fully errect ..Its disgusting .
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A
male
reader, goodguy11  +, writes (16 February 2010):
Ok first you gotta find out if this is true. It depends on the stripper because they all do different things and some won't even let you touch them at all. Usually a lapdance is just alot of grinding and touching which I think is harmless but it stops there unless you decide to go into a private room where other things happen. Guys do tend to lie to friends about what really went on with the dancer. So before you give him the silent treatment find out if that's what he actually did. If it is true then shame on him because that's disrespectful to you.
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A
female
reader, x-kitycatlok-x  +, writes (16 February 2010):
 Cheating is whatever you think of it as. Some people consider kissing cheating, others don't. It's all down to you. If you feel that it is cheating, then it is. Personally I'd say that this is completely wrong and I'm sorry to say but I think you should move on. It's for the best in the long run. Find someone who respects you.
Also, he hid it from you instead of being honest. This is not the kind of guy you want to spend your life with.
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A
male
reader, Xernyhs +, writes (16 February 2010):
I don't think its a big deal, it's not completely right surely. Also I've never heard of being able to whip it out like that at a strip club. Are you sure you're not just assuming that's what he did? It sounds a little like you're guessing at that point of story.
If it wasn't, I'd say its pretty harmless. A lot worse things can happen than a guy being rubbed by some girl who's paid to do it (talking strippers, definitely not the same if its a hooker with a different kind of rubbing). Your guy was lusting after a girl who was creating that kind of mood, chances are, like every other guy ever, that he has lusted after some gorgeous girl while with you. If he doesn't fool around with anybody else, then you guys still have something special to share. You shouldn't feel like a "common" anything unless hes giving it to everyone and making it common treatment~
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (16 February 2010):
 OK, so this isn't great BUT in the big scheme of things it is better that he do this (which is really just a form of 3D porn) than that he be out having some kind of affair. If you were to marry and to get through the next 40-50 years and this is the worst thing that happens, well then, you'll be pretty lucky.
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A
female
reader, kelsey18 +, writes (16 February 2010):
 i wouldnt be happy. if i were you i'd see what he had to say for himself. He knew you wouldnt be happy with him doing something like that but it didnt stop him-bare that in mind. But first things first make sure this friend of his is telling the truth. x
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (16 February 2010):
Yeah, I have to say that this is a little more than an average visit to a club. I think if he was willing to do this with another woman and pay for it, you would be better moving on.
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