A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have recently ended my long term relationship because I found out the man I was with had been lying to me the whole time as he was with someone else. When I look back now, we had become more like friends because he never wanted to be intimate with me and now I know why, but I was still head over heels for him and would never have moved onto someone else without being open with him about it. But what I want to know is, have any of you out there ever cheated on your partner but actually really loved that person?I am moving on now for the rest of my life and will never speak to him again. Not that he has come to the house offering any kind of explanation for his actions, which further just reinforces the fact I have to shut him out of my future. I assume he's riddled with guilt. But I would like to know that he cared about me after all these years, in some kind of way. He was always there for me during hard times in my life and was my most treasured friend. Why was he there and doing these lovely things for me? He wasn't getting sex in return. He never seemed interested in that for a long time. Was he there because he cared? But if he cared, then how could he lie to me for so long. How could he ignore every single opportunity I gave him to be honest. I would ask him outright if he was seeing someone else and tell him I hate secrets, and he would evade the question, change the subject or blatantly LIE and say NO. We were not official the last year or so, more like friends as I said, but I was always very clear that I wanted us to be honest with each other. If he had moved on, then he had a right to tell me about it.Anyway I digress. I want to know how and IF someone can consistantly keep secrets from someone and still love them? Is that possible? For me it isn't. I could not mentally even imagine having kept a secret from this man. I couldn't even buy him a PRESENT and not take it to him straight away, because I loved him with all my heart. Are there people out there that can shut these things down, deep inside but still harbour real and genuine feelings for the person they are hiding something like this from? Could it be that he didn't want to lose my friendship and knew that he would if I found out? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I'm interested in the way different people work.. as I know I am honest to the extreme and not everybody is this way. Thank you Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010): Sadly, yes.. People can lie and still care. It's a cowardly way to be, but people do it. It sounds like he did care about you, but that spark wasn't there. He didn't want to hurt you and he didn't want to end things with her. The best thing to do is to move on and put it in the past. You don't always choose who you love, and unfortunately loving someone doesn't always guarantee they will love you back. It's just a shame that he wasn't man enough to tell you how he really felt. Know that you're better off without him.
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