A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:HiRecently my bf asked me to send pics of myself in underwear I love him and trust him and I want to do it... its not I don't feel comfortable with it and he said if I don't want to do it its fine but I don't want him thinking I am some kind of slag?Should I press send or hold on to them, Help me please? x
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (17 December 2012):
 I'm very glad you've opted not to send them. A very wise choice and kudos to you for making it.
In fairness to those of us who expressed concern, your boyfriend may be a great guy, but even good people do bad or unwise things some of the time. Sending intimate pictures of yourself puts you in a very vulnerable position and when someone asks you to put yourself in such a position, others will be, as we were, understandably suspicious. As I said earlier, he didn't volunteer to send you silly pictures of himself in his underwear.
A few days ago a young woman (older than you) came to us with a very distressing dilema. She had sent nude pictures of herself to her boyfriend, no doubt also a great guy. Unfortunately those pictures were intercepted and posted on an amateur porn site by his vindictive sister as a means of getting back at him after a nasty argument.
When a guy asks you to send intimate and compromising pictures of yourself, you should be suspicious. You should question his character and his regard for you. That doesn't mean he intends you harm, but you should question just the same. You should not be put in a position in which you have to rely solely on trust in order to be safe.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHonestly I have decided not too send them, I know the risks and I guess if he really wants to see me in that way he is not going to see it through his phone!
and thankyou everyone who has answered this, it is my question with the most views I have had on here
Just too make it clear I WILL NOT SEND them to him but like I said I don't want anyone thinking he is some kind of guy who sits their on his phone waiting for pictures of me like that to come through with his hand on his penis at the ready... he means a hell of alot too me and I mean alot to him and he has said he wants to stay with me for the rest of his life...
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (12 December 2012):
 You're not stupid. The opposite: you are smart enough to come here and ask for advice. And smart enough to have already known what the best thing to do is.
People just make a lot of noise sometimes because they are concerned. If there's one thing those of us that are a bit older have learned the hard way is that a decent guy can have the best intentions in the world and on the wrong day do something really stupid. As a guy who was once that age I know that's the case, I've hurt some of my exes unintentionally in ways I really wish I could take back. One too many beers and the desire to show off is hard to control if you have a pretty girlfriend and photos to prove it. And if you do break up, he might end up feeling really upset and for a moment want to hurt you, even though he'd never really want to and regret it terribly afterwards. If he wants photos of you send him some of you looking good and happy, and with (at least) most of your clothes on.
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female
reader, person12345  +, writes (12 December 2012):
 I have been in a similar situation where someone I knew for years and trusted completely and totally used similar photos to completely ruin me. It was horrible. We're not trying to tell you you're stupid, I'm sorry if you're reading it like that. Many of us have been through this and don't want you to suffer through it needlessly. Look all it takes is him to go up to someone HE thinks he can trust as much as you think you can trust him and go, in the most harmless way possible, "look how hot." I've been through this and it was horrible. It took years to get past and if I can prevent that happening to others, I will do my hardest.
I know there is nothing we can really say to convince you, but even if you don't admit it to us, think for a second that there must be something to it if you have more than 10 people as close to shouting as possible online that this is just not a good idea.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 December 2012):
 EVEN if you give him printed copies of the pictures you still are giving compromising pictures of yourself to someone that is NOT under your control 24/7.
I don't think you are stupid. I do think you are young and naive about the ways of angry ex-partners. I do think you are young and naive about how things get out and about.
I hope and pray you are telling us the truth when you say you won't send the pictures. IN fact, I hope you delete them.
They really are not safe to have in any electronic form... your phone, his phone... doesn't matter. I do computer security and that's an oxymoron... it means that NO computer is secure 24/7 or 100% no matter what.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (11 December 2012):
 If he's your age his parents have every right to go through his phone, especially if they are paying for it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionno your right Yos I don't seem happy I asked for simple advise not how stupid I am being and just to add He doesn't trust his mates or anyone with his phone also its a brand new iphone and he always keeps it with him and he locks it he doesn't leave it lying around just saying...
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (11 December 2012):
Don't even take the pictures. It's a disaster waiting to happen. Sorry you are feeling nagged but it's really good to know you are reading the answers and taking the time to respond to the aunts here.
This is one thing you'll be able to look back on when you are older and be happy you made the right decision, assuming you don't take or share any pictures like that.
I don't care how many of your friends are doing it, it's a really bad idea! This stuff has a way of coming back to haunt you. As I said, there are websites out there where 'friends,' exes and estranged boyfriends post pictures of the girls they made all kinds of promises to.
Do you pay for your phone or do your parents? Imagine how their discovering your unsent pictures would go.... um, yikes.
Be smart, okay?
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A
male
reader, Yos +, writes (11 December 2012):
You don't sound happy :( People are just making such a big deal because it happens here every few days that a girl in your situation comes on this site having shared photos, and then they've got loose.
Imagine this: they're on your boyfriends phone. He leaves his phone on the table for a second and turns his back for a moment, and one of his friends grabs it and goes to the photos looking for stuff to tease him about. He finds your photo(s) and sends them to himself. This all happens in 10 seconds.
Even with your boyfriend being 100% great about this, once the photos are out there there are 100 ways they could end up all over your school. It's just not worth it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlright, alright mr Sageoldguy1465 the idea of this website is too ask questions not be told how @stupid you are being' and fyi I did say I AM NOT going to send them or as you decided to put it 'put on the web' I am obviously not going to put them on the web! thats beyond stupid but ermm yeah thanks for telling me how stupid and rediculous my question is makes me feel a whole lot better and your making it sound like I am sending pics to random people not 'this guy' happens to be my boyfriend the person who loves and respects me clearly you don't understand but hey but JUST SO EVERYONE IS CLEAR I WON'T SEND THEM!Happy Now EVERYONE?!?!?
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (11 December 2012):
 Let me be more perfectly clear about this:
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO....Don't send him any compromising pictures of you. Don't give him a photo copy... DO NOT reveal your intimate self to this guy...
WHAT do we have to say to get you to understand just how STUPID it is to put compromising pictures of yourself on the Web, the Internet, or in the hands of a guy who YOU BELIEVE to be honest and trustworthy.. when guys prove - all the time - how DIShonest and UNtrustworthy they are???
PLEASE, wake up and do NOT do any of the stupid things that you have revealed that you are considering!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2012): "he is not the type to show people"
No one is OP, but people do some very crazy stupid things when they break up and him having those would be a huge worry for you needlessly.
Why does he need to see pictures? Are you trying to be a model or something?
Just do what we did when we were your age and lift up your top and let him have a peak. Where is this need to show yourself off in pictures come from OP? Do you want to be a zoo model or appear in nuts when you're older?
Having pictures like that is dangerous OP. He can grab them from your phone, maybe you'll have your phone stolen, maybe even your father might see them and then what?
OP we don't need pictures, take off your top and let him see you in your bra and I promise that will be etched in his memory forever, or if you like you can show him pictures of your last time on the beach in a bikini, posing in front of the mirror in your underwear is slaggish, I mean no offence but those girls look like tarts sticking their arses out with a big duckface pout, it looks egotistical and stupid. Future wannabe porn stars displaying their body merely to look sexy for us guys.
OP if you show him pics of you doing that, then I promise you, should you ever break up or even mention it to one of his friends you could get a reputation as a slag. You may love each other but you still have to be smart and protect yourself OP.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 December 2012):
Yes, technically, is IS bad if you show him and not send them. Save yourself a LOT of heartbreak and don't even go there. All he needs is 2 minutes alone with your phone and your images are out there in digital sharing land and will never be erased or under your control again.
Be smart.
If a guy is pressuring you for pictures like this, no matter how well brought up he is and how wonderful his family is and how wonderful he seems, he is asking for something that at your age is illegal and winds up with YOU and your family in trouble because YOU are the one making the images and distributing them.
Be smart.
There are whole websites out there devoted to naive young girls who send pictures of themselves nude or nearly nude to their devoted boyfriends and the next thing they know, they are single and laughingstocks.
Don't do it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks... But honestly he really is NOT like that, he soes not brag, he likes to keep our relationship between no one else but us...
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female
reader, peteloevely +, writes (10 December 2012):
 I don’t know what is it 15 year olds do this days! Or what is cool or hip!... or why is it you are so eager to photograph yourself wearing underwear and show it off...But We cannot advice you to do that for legal and moral reasons!good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2012): Well I'm not here to judge you, and from what I can gather after reading your update, you've already decided not to send them and he's not going to dump you over that, so there's nothing to worry about there really. Showing pictures isn't as risky in the sense they won't leave your possession, but unless you trust your boyfriend 200% not to blab his mouth off and brag to his mates and anyone else and word gets all over town, I may think twice. Its really down to you though isn't it, people ask for advice on here, sometimes they listen and sometimes not. At the end of the day its not us who has to make the choice and live with any possible negative repercussions of your actions.
Since you said he isn't too bothered whether you send them or not, I guess the real question is, do you want to show him that desperately? Because if you're not, then its not really necessary to do so I don't think.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionokayy...
errmm... I guess thanks for the advise I decided not too send them I am not a niave little girl who doesnt know what she is doing and I have already thought all of the pros and cons but I don't want anyone thinking I am going out with some guy who just wants me cause I can do that sort of thing... He is a decent well brought up boy, he is not the type to show people becuase he draws a very thick line between me and his mates and I should add he did not force me to do anything he simply asked if it would be okay if not he would see why and nothing would change and its not likely we are going to break up in the next week because thats not how things role with us...
Okay some of that advise was alittle harsh but I doubt I will send them... but technically is it still bad if I showed him but not send them???...
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2012): Okay I myself am 15. When I was thirteen I had an older boyfriend who I had shared pictures with from a secret phone he had given me. My parents had found the phone, and because it was not ours and they did not want to give the phone back to him, they went to the local athorityes hoping they could help me/my parents. Turns out my parents almost got me and the guy ( he sent me them too) several fellony charges. From my experience it just ISN'T worth it.
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A
male
reader, Yos +, writes (10 December 2012):
We see so many girls come on this site saying: "my bf asked me to send pics to him, then we broke up and he shared them with his friends. No everyone has them and laughing at me, and much worse. I can't go into school, I can't tell my parents, my life is hell".
Don't be that girl.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 December 2012):
 No no no no ABSOLUTELY no sexy pictures. Pictures of your face is fine - NOTHING in the nude WHAT so ever. Even in NO ONE can see your face or what ever it is NOT legal and it will be regarded as CHILD PORNOGRAPHY if you are under 18.
Second of all NEVER EVER - I will repeat - NEVER EVER feel like you have to do things you are not comfortable with - JUST TO PLEASE a guy.
Thirdly, WHAT if.. you send them and a week later you two break up and he forwards the pictures to everyone he knows, his whole school, your whole school - random strangers on the Internet ALL over? YOU have no control WHAT so ever after you press send.
PLEASE PLEASE delete them and tell him no, you have more self respect.
And last but not least DO NOT accept DICK shots from him either. It's ewww just eww.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (9 December 2012):
 Terrible idea.
For starters it is illegal, it gives him ammunition incase you guys ever broke up and finally, at that age he is probabaly just going to end up showing it to all of his mates.
So no, dont do it.
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A
male
reader, learnNlive +, writes (9 December 2012):
NO!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (9 December 2012):
You write: "....he said if I don't want to do it its fine but I don't want him thinking I am some kind of slag?"
What is he going to think of you if you DO send them????
Don't go along with his creepy request. Remember: Pics in cyber-space take on a life of their own.... and have the potential to come back and haunt you sometime in the future when you least expect it.....
Stay safe....
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 December 2012):
Please don't do it
1. it's illegal because you are under age
2. he sees you all the time why does he need pics of you in your underwear?
3. he will show them to his friends or worse post them online (and if he doesn't what's to stop a friend of his from doing it for him?)
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2012): Before you press that "send" button, remember the girls who had committed suicide through bullying because they sent personal pictures to their boyfriends who they thought they could trust, only to have their pictures sent all over the internet for the world to see.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (9 December 2012):
Notice your boyfriend isn't offering to send you silly pictures of himself in his underwear.
Please don't do this. Neither yuo nor he can guarantee those iptures won't be intercepted by someone else and what that person will do with them. You don't even know what your boyfriend will do with them once you and he are through. I'm afraid if word got out that you posed for those kinds of pictures, there is a very good chance that you will earn a reputation as a slag.
Young boys like your boyfriend are a dime a dozen. We get posts all the time from young girls whose boyfriend have asked for compromising pictures.
Please decline and don't offer any explanations whatsoever. Just say 'no'.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2012): never ever send nude or sexual pictures of yourself to anyone ever!!! if they get into the wrong hands you will be embarassed and devastateda week or two ago a girl posted her story on dearcupid saying that her boyfriend's sister got hold of a nude picture of her and put them on the internet to seek revenge, not saying your boyfriend's family would do that but they could still be seen by people who u dont want to see themif i was married to my boyfriend for 20 years i wouldnt give him a picture of myself i just feel he can see me naked in the bedroon when its just the 2 of us plus he would never ask me for a nude picture, I'd kill him just for asking!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2012): Since you're very young let me explain something to you. If you're boyfriend really cared for you, he wouldn't be asking you go take racy photos. No man has EVER asked me to do that! Why wouldn't the beautiful pictures you have of yourself be good enough? A head shot a picture of you standing on a beach etc fully clothed not good enough? Ask him why.I don't know if you're aware of this but some states will charge you or your parents of child pornography if you're picture get exposed? If you don't believe me, watch "My Life is a Lifetime Movie" and watch the program of what happened to a young lady who's pictures got exposed. It was all done because her bf wanted them and he posted them online and the entire school saw it! You couldn't imagine the turmoil she sent through. Think it through before you do this. Concentrate on your studies, think about if whether or not you want further your education, travel, etc. The sky is the limit! The choice is yours and so are the consequences! Best of luck!
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female
reader, peteloevely +, writes (9 December 2012):
is called possession of child pornography, since you are under 16*, you could not send him those sort of pictures if you wanted too without running a high risk!... even if he is your own age.
Don’t do it
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2012): DO NOT DO IT! DO NOT DO IT! DO NOT DO IT!Sending those kind of pictures is just asking for trouble. You were smart enough to ask the question, which tells you something seems wrong with this...and there is. Once those pictures are sent, there is no turning back...one disagreement, a break up down the road, a parent finds them, a friend sees them by accident...don't put yourself in a vulnerable position you can't get out of.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2012): I'm gonna tell you this, don't send those kinds of pictures before you turn 18.If you're asking you're not ready. Look, I did this sort of thing all the time when I was 15, the guys never lasted, I felt so disgusting, and I still do. you're more than just wank fodder, those sorts of pictures are for adult committed relationships, not for teenage ones.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2012): Don't do it. Those pictures could end up anywhere and if he respected you he wouldn't be asking you to send him pictures of yourself. Like someone else said, you're far too young to be doing things like that anyway.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (9 December 2012):
Do NOT do it. If anything happens and you two break up, those pictures could end up in the inbox of everyone at your school/online/on facebook/with your parents. That would give him a whole lot of power over you and be a whole lot of risk to you for absolutely no gain for you.
I know girls who did this and nothing happened. I know a girl who did this, had the photo posted online for no real reason she got called a slut by everyone in school and had her social life ruined and she wound up having to move. You don't want that.
I know you think he's different and trustworthy, but that photo would be just one fight away from being public. There's simply no reason to do it. You don't have to do everything he wants.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (9 December 2012):
You say that you’re comfortable doing this, but then you are worried about what it might say about you so it seems that you’re less comfortable with it than you think. You should only do something like that if you have no doubts whatsoever that you’re okay with it. From your post it’s clear that you do, so don’t do it. Your boyfriend isn’t pressuring you to do it so just tell him you’re not ready to do something like that. Besides you are very young and this doesn’t seem very appropriate anyway at your age.
I wish you all the very best.
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female
reader, Plumb +, writes (9 December 2012):
 I personally feel like it's stupid when girls send those kinds of pictures to there boyfriend, it's degrading and makes you look like a slut. What if you two break up? What would he do with those pictures??
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