A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi new to this! But just wondering. Iv been with my boyfreind for6months now and we live in our own flat. Everythings great etc and Yesterday we had sex during The day, and I fell asleep in bed cuddled up to my boyfriend about 1am this morning. About an hour later I was only half asleep but he thot I was completely asleep, he moved away from me and do I could tell he was flicking thru the xxx channels like babestation. I pretended to sleep but Then he started wanking to it, I left it for 5 mins but just got angry about it and woke up saying go to the living room. Then refused to say anything else, he sed sorry and went to sleep. Was wondering shud I of been angry at this? Cuz I am but I don't know why! Think I feel not as hot as those girls on tv or sumfin. I know he'd be annoyed if I did it.I no everyone masturbates etc I do to porn and he does etc just the fact I don't want to see the actual girls that does it for him.. If that makes sence,After writing this out I do feel stupid now! So silly . But I feel sick thinking bout him wanking to those girls... I never woke him this morning so we havnt spoken about it. How shud I deal with it? Or like seriously am I being stupid lol xxxx
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (29 May 2011):
 It doesn't sound like you're being "silly" but try not to read a lot into it. porn is just vapor and we men know it but love being voyeristic in that it reninds us of previous "encounters' that are more exciting. Just take a breath and think good thoughts. It's not the end of the world..in fact it just shows that he can "perform" at even higher levels than you thought so next time you're making love take him there.
A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (25 May 2011):
 Hi
He was probally still thinking about what you both did, however you fell asleep after and he was still horny, wrong move doing it next to you, I bet his feeling really embarrassed now, and dont now what to say to your reaction. But dont be mad it's a guy thing. I would actually suggest having a joke about it with him later, lighten the mood, but then say as long as you do it in another room I dont mind, or at least wake me up so I can join in :) it could make your session even more bliss who knows.
xx
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A
male
reader, Sex_counsellor +, writes (24 May 2011):
 Completely agree with Aunty Honest on this, most men do prefer the real thing 100%, I would talk to him calmly and explain that you appreciate that he does it, however you do not wish to witness it. Alternatively try watching porn together, you may find this surprisingly erotic. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, muso888 +, writes (23 May 2011):
Well it's not stupid if it made you feel uncomfortable.
Maybe you should try and keep calm - I would just say, it made me really uncomfortable and that shouldn't happen. So please just don't do it infront of me, it's a bit weird.
And if he agrees not to do it infront of you then leave it at that and don't mention it again (unless it happens again and then your issure is a different one!)
Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (23 May 2011):
 Personally if it was me I would have offered to help him finish but then I have a higher sex drive than my man...
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A
female
reader, cait88  +, writes (23 May 2011):
Just say he needs to keep porn etc to himself weather you like it or not hes going to do it. so just say to keep it personal. then drop it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2011): You aren't being stupid. I wouldn't like to fall asleep with my partner and wake up to him getting his rocks off to porn. There's a time and place and that was neither! If you know he wouldn't like it if you did that. Then it stands to reason he should also be thoughtful and not do it when you are around. TV in the bedroom is a passion killer at the best if times but if he is going to be tempted to use it when he should be turning that type of attention toward you. Then maybe its time to remove the TV.
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A
male
reader, 3much4u +, writes (23 May 2011):
I thought that he masturbating in your presence, even though he thought you were asleep was a little disrespectful and you had every right to snap at him like that. However it is important to understand that nearly all men masturbate whether they like to admit it or not. If masturbating isn't a problem for you (religious wise) then try to let him know that he shouldn't do it in your presence and especially after after you guys just had sex (it seems rude). he should be doing it in the bathroom or when you aren't around. you should go to him and talk as a couple.best of luck.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 May 2011):
 This is how you feel about it, and the solution is simple: he stops masturbating to porn in front of you, or in the same room as you. He can masturbate in front of you and in the same room as you, right? You just don't want to see/hear the porn he's using.
Telling him to go to another room is fine then. He can also do this stuff when he's home alone. It's not like you're being unreasonable about this, and as long as you find a compromise that works, it's all good.
I think doing what you did is just fine, then have a conversation with him where you tell him you don't want to see/hear about porn, so if he wants to masturbate it he needs to go to another room, or wait until you are out of the house. This shouldn't be hard for him to do.
Would you be ok with such an arrangement though? Porn is just porn... it's really no big deal. And I don't think he'd be upset if you were masturbating to porn, after all he does so himself. So unless you're dead set against porn and find it a deal breaker, you need to let this slide and not make a bigger deal about it. Also, if the usage of porn is a deal breaker to you you should have said so at the beginning stages of the relationship. It might be he does not want to give up porn, and you do not have a right to tell him to do so either. It all depends on how important this is to you, and how important this is to him.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (23 May 2011):
 The best thing you can do is tell him that you don't mind if he masturbates, just that you don't want it rubbed in your face. Its disrespectful and no, you're not being stupid... I think you're being quite level-headed about the whole thing to be honest. But yeah, talk to him about it, he'll understand.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Honest +, writes (23 May 2011):
 You're not being stupid. You say you knew he did it and that you do too, but knowing and seeing are two very different things! It's ok to be uncomfortable with it, especially when it's right in front of you. As for being daunted by pornstars...most women can understand that! But honestly most men prefer the real thing by a long shot. I don't think you need to feel threatened or anything like that, some guys just do it to get to sleep. Probably wasn't wise doing it right next to you, but it sounds like he was pretty mortified and I bet it won't happen again. It's no reflection on you either way. It's just something some men do as harmless fantasy or pastime. Hope that helps!
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