A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i'm normally a really nice person, and people know me for this. even if its someone i genuinely dislike for something she did to me in the past etc i am not mean to her, and i remain polite if she strikes a conversation with me. sometimes i tend to tell lies to these types of people. if they ask me for help ill make up some excuse, so hopefully they get the hint that i have no intention of helping them because i dont want to be used by a person who's not even my friend. the thing is, my boyfriend disagrees. hes always arguing that i should just be upfront and say it staight to that person that i dont like them instead of making excuses. ive never been that kind of person and i feel guilty over the littlest things, and i have never been so outspoken to anyone just to say that to their face and i dont want to be a bitch either. is it wrong for me to remain nice to people i dislike ? i always feel like thats what i should do because i don't want to earn a reputation for being rude and mean. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2009): i think you should continue the way you are. Agreed, being honest is good, but there's a difference between honesty and bluntness. if someone said that they dint like you to ur face, would you like it? i doubt. treat people the way you would like being treated, because otherwise rudeness will become a habit. i must admit ur quite sensible, continue on ur path. try not to talk much to ppl u dont like in front of ur guy, but being rude wont solve anything, cos rememebr, even if you stop disliking that person, they wont be there for you once u tell them that u used to dislike them.
A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (20 July 2009):
 i would say honesty is always the best policy. i dont really take to fake people and some people are able to see a person like u a mile off.its something u need to decide for yourself, your probably comfortable being like this, and thats fine, but it is a little fake and weak not being able to stand up for yourself and say no to something u dont wish to do.i would say i am generally upfront with people -this might be deemed as rude by some but its not about that, its about the honesty of character.we're all different and to me it seems u have made up your mind to be this way.good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2009): We are alike in this category. I treat people nicely too as that is the ethical way to do. And even my boyfriend also didn't like it.When I secretly dislike people, I just don't hang around them for long and I always find an excuse to leave. The thing is, everyone deserves respect. And of course, as they say "don't do to others what you don't want others to do unto you"Your boyfriend is not you. And besides, what is wrong in being nice? You don't lose anything there, right?
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A
male
reader, Mat_auw  +, writes (20 July 2009):
 Dear Anonymous,You don't need to be nice to people you dislike but you don't need to be hostile or confrontational either. Between these two choices, it's great that you have managed to maintain at least a decent level of politeness and civility with them.However it's never a good idea to lie as consequences are always much more disastrous should you ever be found out. How far out are the lies? If it's just statements like "Oh, sorry but I have other plans", "Sorry I'm not available", "Sorry I'm not interested" etc... that may not actually constitute a lie.Of course the best but hardest thing to do would be to actually sort out the misgivings between the person and you, and that would involve a good-ol fashion heart-to-heart talk with the person. If you no longer dislike them, then there's no need for excuses, right? When talking to the person try to say things from your perspective such as how you felt or what you thought when the person wronged you and try your best to stay away from accusations.Best wishes!
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A
male
reader, Jason32477  +, writes (20 July 2009):
 That is a choice we all have to make for ourselves.And I`m like you in this regard.As a rule I`m generally nice to a person even if I don`t like them.I`ll just make more of an effort to avoid them.I don`t see the point in adding undue hardship by letting these feelings known.Especially to those there directed at.I`m not concerned about my reputation in this regard for I could care less what others think of me.I just try to live by the golden rule and treat others how I wish to be treated.
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A
female
reader, mossy  +, writes (20 July 2009):
hey
forget what your bf is saying... this is the way you deal with things and if it makes you happy and relaxed stick to it.. everybody has there own way of dealing with things. dont change it now.
neway if you tell people you hate them this is going to cause a huge hassel and they will think they have gotting to you and thats what they want.. remain your calm self and if they dont get why you dont do things for them there tools for not knowing why!
mossy x
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A
male
reader, Rogerramjet  +, writes (20 July 2009):
When i was younger, i was just like you..
I would listen to your boyfriend. As you get older, if you aren't up front and honest with people about how you feel, they WILL try to take advantage of you. They don't care if you're really nice or just faking it, they will try to push you, hassle you and use you as far as they can.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2009): There is nothing wrong with remaining nice to people whom you dislike. In fact, I think it's a good thing. There's no reason you cannot at least remain civil with them. If you are too nice though and people know you dislike them, you will come across as fake. Or if you are the type who is nice to someone to their face and then talk about them behind their back, you will be known as a backstabber. So, just try to be cordial. However, I would try to avoid making up excuses. Just learn to tell them no in a polite way. If you just make up excuses, it's unlikely they will take the hint.
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