A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have been married a little over three years. About 8 months ago, we hit a really bad patch and seperated for about 6 months. Now we are together and working things out and things have been going really well.There is a point of contention. I want to do a vow renewal ceremony and my husband does not. His viewpoint is we already had a wedding and renewing vows at this point is too early. My point is that while we did have a wedding, we did it alone with no friends and family and we almost divorced. So I would like to reaffirm and recommit along with having some of the traditional wedding aspects (like having my father walk me down the aisle) He is really negative about it and I have tried repeatedly to tell him how important it is to me and he has just said to "do whatever I want then" and he'll just show up. This is really hurtful to me and makes me angry.I would really like to have this ceremony but now I would feel bitter about the whole thing. I don't want to have to just suck it up and live with the wedding we already had. Is there anything I can do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2009): It seems like you think its actually wrong of him to not want to renew your vows.
This is a difference of opinion. You should not be taking the attitude that you have the right to make him do what you want regardless of how he feels about it. Maybe try respecting your husband instead of trying to make him do what it is you want.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (20 July 2009):
 I agree with Kelly. Why renewing the vows?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2009): I would agree with him on the principle of renewing vows may appear to be a little bit early however there is no convention so its really up to you guys. Sometimes renewing vows can seem like a bit of an advertisement that "things went wrong so this is a public announcement we're ok again" so your husband may feel a little bit embarassed or humiliated by the prospect of having to prove himself when he is in fact just happy to get on with it now you've patched things up. He is being stubborn about not listening to your needs and I wonder if there is some way you could make it less formal but still a celebration of your marriage in some way - the excuse being you had a quiet ceremony before so would like an excuse to celebrate belatedly. Rather than renewing vows could you hold a party which allows you to have elements of the day without the dramatics and perhaps have more family and friends involved but no heavy stuff. I think you are going to perhaps have to leave it a while to let things settle so he doesn't feel cornered and in the meantime do some research on what alternatives there might be to a very formal version and present him with some options.
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx  +, writes (20 July 2009):
 Well you can't change his mind, and personally I'm with your husband on this one. You have already taken vows! Renewal cermonies are for people who just want to make abit more of a fuss. If you're that set of doing it then sort the ceremony out yourself and ask him to turn up as he said, x
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