A
female
age
41-50,
*meliarose
writes:Hii recently found out my boyfriend of 4 years has been frequenting swinging clubs for the past few months and having casual sex. Im heartbroken, but I feel like an idiot as i thought he loved me. When i confronted him he said it was a once off and assured me that he loves me and only wants to be with me. but i dont think i can trust him. i mean if it was a drunken mistake thats one thing but i know he had to plan these swing nights. im so confused. what do i do?
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drunk, heartbroken, swinging Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (5 February 2007):
 You're right, swinging parties do need to be booked. You say he has been doing this for the past few months? Do you know this for sure? If this IS the case then I would drop him like a hot potato. He's still sleeping with you and god knows how many other people when he goes to these clubs! He may even pass on an STD to you so get checked out there.
I would definitely get rid of him. You can't trust him any more as he's been lying to you. Move on love if you know what's good for you and don't want your heart broken.
Eve
A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (5 February 2007):
 It dosen't sound like it was just a one off, he has been frequenting these swing clubs. A swing club is alot of different people all sleeping with each other. I see what you are saying about if it was a drunken night you could probably after time forgive him.
I can't condone what he has done as these things are pr-arranged. Its really up to you how you feel about him now.
If you feel like you can never trust him again, which i can totally sympathize with, then just walk away from it all.
All the best of luck x
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A
female
reader, Beki +, writes (5 February 2007):
 I know it must be hard, but i believe once or twice maybe a mistake but if he has planned these nights and if he's done it more then once maybe you shouldnt be with him, relationships are built on a foundation of trust without that it isn't much of a relationship get rid of him and move on!
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A
male
reader, Kurt  +, writes (5 February 2007):
 He is just a BF, you're not engaged, and you're not married you owe him nothing and he you. Dating is a time to try out different people and find out what you like and don't in a lifetime partner.
Realizing this man has sexual tastes that you don't, I suggest you get out before it goes farther then just dating.
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A
female
reader, Patient1 +, writes (5 February 2007):
 Leave him girl!!! I think that the #1 rule breaker for any relationship is cheating. Once a person cheats I don't see any way of ever being able to trust that person fully ever again. I know it's painful but you have to move on. Believe it or not, there are SOME guys out there who don't cheat, you just have to keep serching. Of course he's going to say he's sorry and he loves only you, but if that were true, he would not have done something so deceptive in the 1st place. Don't be afraid of change. I've known people who have stayed in an unhappy relationship just because they are afraid of change and I have yet to see any of these people happy. The hardest part is letting go, but when you find your soul mate you will understand why things happened the way they did and you'll wonder why you ever shed a tear over that A*HOLE in the first place. Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, Abigail +, writes (5 February 2007):
I am so sorry that someone you loved has let you down so badly. You deserve someone to treat you properly and who would never dream of even looking at someone else let alone anything more. I can only imagine how you must feel after being with someone for such a long time, but he has obviously planned this and although it is bound to be painful for a time, you are better off without someone who would treat you in such a way. If he really wanted to be with you, he wouldn't have done this. I would rather be single than with someone like that, and wouldnt hesitate in finishing things and getting on with my life. Everyone should be treated well and with respect. I hope you can find someone who deserves you.
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (5 February 2007):
 Relationships are nothing unless you trust each other and are able to forgive. If you can't then you don't have a relationship but bear in mind that everyone makes mistakes and that you could probably forgive him if you set your mind to it, you just have to decide if you want to or not.
CD
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