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*onfused123
writes: Hello. I see from having looked at your site that this is a common problem. My boyfriend and I have been living together for 2 years. We have a wonderful friendship and we are very affectionate towards each other. Our sex life has been fairly slow for the past year or so which I have found difficult to cope with. However, last week, I discovered that he spends lots of time on the web looking at porn - especially soft teenage porn. I feel so upset and betrayed by this and I cannot get it out of my head. I am getting paranoid at night that he is lying awake fantisising about these girls and is not interested in me. I have discussed this with him and he says he just looks a porn out of boredom and it doesn't mean anything. He even says he doesn't really do it for sexual arousal. Is this possible? Is it possible that his interest in porn is taking away his interest in me? He was upset that I was so upset about it but then I caught him doing it again! Any help or advice would be much appreciated.
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reader, becky05 +, writes (28 June 2005):
I had to write a reply to this letter.I am a female and I often look at porn out of 'boredom' although I have a boyfriend and am 100% happy with him. I look at all sorts of things and can honestly say it doesn't turn me on at all.The best way I can explain why I look at it out of boredom is that I believe (in my case) it is just a natural curiosity about other peoples lives and dare I say it....... bodies, however if this is affecting your relationship together and you have told him to stop and he hasnt I think you should have serious words with him.
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reader, kitty +, writes (3 June 2005):
I dont think you need worry yourself about your buyfreind looking at porn.My Partner enjoys porn and Its just fantasie-it doesnt mean he thinks any less of you.perhaps you could try looking at some porn with him so you feel in on the act. There is also a good chance that it will boost your sex life as it can be a real turn on to see other people being sexy. Dont Feel let down by what your boyfreind is doing, men and many women enjoy pornography- find something you both like to look at and see what happens. At the end of the day your relationship is not worth throwing away due to this factor. Just find a compormise and enjoy your life together. good luck xx
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reader, HappyTimeHarry +, writes (29 May 2005):
Porn gets such a bad rep from family and religion and morality that it's hard not to hate it, but it doesn't always cause harm. Unless he is neglecting you in the lovemaking department, you shouldn't worry about it. He will respect you more if you don't. Nag him if you have to, but think before you do if his looking at porn is really that bad. At least he's open about it, and not keeping his fascination a secret like many of us try.
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reader, Wildberries +, writes (28 May 2005):
You are getting things out of place. Sex and love are NOT the same thing!!! And you need to take this issue A LOT LESS personally. A lagging sex life is a matter of time and requires work from both sides to keep it going. His interest in porn as a visual stimulant is perfectly normal. The only problem I see is the "teenage" part. You did not mention his age, but an interest in particularly young women can be a dangerous place to dabble.
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reader, purple_angel +, writes (27 May 2005):
Hey, first of all, you shouldn't be having any sleepless nights over this problem. There could be may reasons for your boyfriend to be looking at porn. Firstly he could just simply enjoy it, there is no shame in enjoying porn, after all it is supposed to be adult entertainment. Secondly, he may be looking at it to get ideas which he can try out with you. Thirdly, it may just be a phase. Fourthly, it may be a fetish that he has.My advice is that you talk to him about it. Now I know you have already done this but have you asked him why he looks at it??? Maybe you should take the first step in trying something new when you are with him, experiment with him. Have you tried to watch it with him?The main thing that you have to understand is that there is not law against watching porn and it isn't all bad. Try watching it with him and see if it is something that you both enjoy. But remember never loose sleep over it.
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reader, wildblueroze +, writes (27 May 2005):
OK, hun, I am 40 yrs old. been in the same situation as you. To me, and people might disagree with me, but I think when you are with someone, you are the only person your partner should see, UNLESS, you both are ok with porn sites. Looking at porn cause of boredom, maybe, but he can't sit there and say it don't turn him on. He is a man, and they get turned on when the wind blows. You have talked to him about this, and if he cared about your feelings, he would respect them. Just because he can't touch those girls, dont mean he isn't cheating. It is still a form of cheating. You should be the only one he wants to look at, wants to kiss, and wants to have sex with. My X-husband went to porn sites, Look at what I said, My X- husband. I myself, couldnt live with a man that spent his night at porn sites, and not be with me, or go to porn sites get turned on, and expect me to finish the job. What it boils down to, you need to ask yourself if you can live with him doing that, if you think its cheating, and when you answer those questions, you'll know what to do.
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