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*aulXS
writes: Hi Everyone,Thanks first for anyone who reads this. I do have a love related dilemma and it is taking over my life. And it has done really for the past 5 years.I am 25 now, but when I was 18 I started my first job as an office junior. I really enjoyed my time there and everyone made me feel very welcome and part of the team. I made a lot of friends, one girl in particular called Holly. She was 25 years old, seven years older than me and married. For probably the first six months I just thought of her as a friend, but we began to flirt both in the office and at office parties and I developed a huge crush on her. At the time I thought it was love. Anyway nothing happened, and I didn't try to make anything happen really. Then out of the blue she told me she was pregnant with her husband's baby. I did a very good job of pretending to be pleased. Although I was happy as she was happy. And I thought at least now my dreams of being with her are over.Holly went on maternity leave anyway and I managed to get over her. That was until a night in January 2000. It was the first time i had seen her in about 7 months and we got on better than ever. this time it felt more than a crush, and i was getting the feeling she felt the same too. Felt like a first date. Eventually she returned to work and i fell deeper and deeper in love with her. I have always been a sensible person so i wouldnt just fall for someone who i didnt think felt something back for me. There was something there between us.Anyway Holly got pregnant again! Disaster. But I just couldn't give up on the idea, as I felt more for her than I had ever felt for anyone. While she was on maternity leave that time I decided to leave the place of work as i was just getting more and more heart broken.Now its may 2005, 4 years, yes 4 YEARS! since I have seen her and I still cant get her out of my head. I have this terrible feeling I have missed out on something that was meant for me. And that she isn't as happy as she possibly could be.I need someone to tell me if i should see the girl again tell her everythng and see how she responds or should i just leave it alone. The thought of never seeing her again makes me sick. The time i knew her she was my source of happiness. And i took that away when i decided to leave the workplace and now im not happy and havent been since the last time i saw her at my leaving party when she gave me a big hug and said goodbye.I would love to think i can meet another girl who would make me feel the same, but i havent since and i cant see it happening.Any advice would be much appreciatedthankyouPaul
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2005): Paul, you need to move on, and forget about Holly. She hasn't brought you happiness, and everyone deserves to be happy. It sounds to me as if you don't believe that you do. No other person can be responsible for your happiness, and it isn't healthy to expect them to be. You have a life to lead, and it's clear that Holly has her own, and her new family. I know it's painful to hear, but she has chosen to have a family with somebody else. She has not chosen to be with you. Your feelings are clearly not returned, and you are wasting your time and energy - and your love. Perhaps there is something you are gaining from the situation that you haven't admitted to yourself - perhaps (and I know this from my own experience) it is easier to get stuck on one person and feeling like a victim, than to move on, start living your life, and meet someone who really will love you back. If you are still stuck in this situation, maybe counselling would help? I wish you all the best. Please live your life rather than let it hang on someone else and their decisions.
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reader, Wildberries +, writes (29 May 2005):
This sounds VERY much like a one sided relationship...your side. There is NO return from Holly in any way. She has continued on living her life and having her family and made NO effort to contact you outside of friendship. Get on with YOUR life and leave hers alone.
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reader, HappyTimeHarry +, writes (29 May 2005):
Hey, Paul. I feel for you, brother. I think the other answers here are very excellent, but as they say... the heart wants what the heart wants. You haven't been able to shake her off, after so many years. I won't find fault with you here. I will say that kind of dedication is very inspiring, and that's why I wanted to write this, even though I don't have much more to say than the others. Your life is unfolding into a classic romance tragedy, but it doesn't have to. You choose your own destiny. If you choose, you can find someone else, who, if you don't weigh them up to Holly from the moment you meet them, may fill that fix to the lonely brokenness you've been weighed down by. You have a lot more to give than most, and that is an encouraging thought. Hoping for you, man.
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reader, kristi +, writes (27 May 2005):
I THINK THAT IF YOU LOVE, HER THEN YOU SHOULD FIND HER NUMBER AND CALL HER. DONT SEE HER OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT. IF IT IS GOING GOOD IN HER LIFE THEN LEAVE HER ALONE AND IF SHE IS HAVING TROUBLE ASK HER IF YOU CAN HELP HER WITH ANYTHING. SHE HAS KIDS AND THAT MAKES IT A TOTAL DIFFERENT STORY FOR YOU TO BARGE IN TO HER LIFE
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2005): Dear Paul..It sounds as if you have built Holly up in your mind to be the perfect woman...but I guarantee you, she isn't.If you did get into a relationship with her, you would start to see her faults and other difficulties would arise. When we have such unrequited love for someone, we exaggerate their good qualities and imagine that life would be perfect if we were with them.It wouldn't - I assure you - I and many others have been there.There are many other women out there who you could find a meaningful relationship with but only if you open your eyes to them. If you are only focused on Holly, you won't even notice them and life will be passing you by.Nobody is a source of happiness. It sounds to me that you could say that Holly has indirectly been a source of much suffering for you.My suggestion is that you try to put Holly in the past. You can move on. All you have to do is make a decision to do so.Even if you did go back and tell her how you felt, you may be damaging a family and be affecting several people's lives. Some things are best left.Wishing you much success and happiness.
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reader, megz x-x +, writes (26 May 2005):
 I know you wont to hear this but there is no way that you can make your move now. Not only will it not be fair on her husband she has small children now that she has to thinkof. However it seems that you 2 could be really good friends...you feelings will pass in time. Maybe after all this time your just in love with the idea of being with her?
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