A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ok i have a male best friend i mean we are even closer then best friends more like brother and sister hes 9 years older then me. he calls himself my gaurdian angel and thats what he is. he helps me i help him. anyways hes married and has 2 kids. in the begining his wif was fine with me and we became friends but now she hates me, she hates it when i come around and spend time with the kids. i love kids and i enjoy babysitting and playing with them. but then when she goes away for work then i stay sleep over and look after them im a surrogate aunt. but then she hates me she never talks to me but seems to excpect me too help her husband with the kids when she gallavants off for days on end.plse tell me what i should do even her daughter told me the other day that her mother doesnt like me.i never done anything with him theres nothing romantic at all about the relationship i never even think of him in that way. and i have a bf anyways she knows this cause shes met him. what should i do its really uncomfortable
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2011): hi tnx for all the feedback.
for those whove asked yeah they do pay me.
i guess i will try saying no and definetly not sleeping over. i donno i guess i feel a bit indepted to him he helped me out so many times. i guess it does sound a bit strange now ur putting it into perspective i just didnt relise it. i just feel like ive come home when i go there, all the childhood memories stuff like that. i mean i always phone before i never go anasked or uninvited and when the kids ask me to come over its harder to say no. i guess i have to be a bit stronger. tnx again really appreciate it
A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (28 June 2011):
 she probably resents you a bit coz you are best friends with her husband, but at the same time she is happy to use you for baby sitting. she is disrespectful to you because she is getting away with it. she doesn't speak to you, says she doesn't like you to her kids or at least in front of them BUT you are still continuing to do favours for the family. and i am sorry, i do believe you when you say you and him are not romantically involved BUT she must have family and friends that are curious about the situation and maybe they quiz her about you and your friendship with hubby, which may have planted little seeds of doubt in her mind.
you cannot MAKE someone like you, all you can do is put a bit of distance between you. get on with your life with your boyfriend etc and let her find someone else to babysit. start being 'busy' when they ask you can you look after the kids
x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2011):
If your best friend is 9 years older than probably means his wife is older, too. I don't think a lot of women much older than you are would be too keen on their husband having a 18-21 year old "best friend." She probably figures that at some point you will come on to him or he will come on to you. The best way to avoid that is to have you out of the picture. I agree with most of the advice you have been given:
Try to be less involved with him. You might also ask him why his wife hates you.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (28 June 2011):
 There's just one thing to do here, and that is to cut down on your interaction with this family. Unless the wife asks you to babysit the kids herself, dont do it. Staying over and sleeping over is a strict No, even if they ask you to. Why should you? Its not normal and I would not encourage it, no matter how close a girl friend my husband had. Let them hire a nanny for that.
Look, you should set your own limits in any relationship. Maybe you do love this guy as your brother and you genuinely love the kids, but you have to realize that its not your own brother in your own family. At the end of the day, its someone else's family and they are free to raise the family in whatever way they want. The wife can have her reasons to think you are crossing the line here.
If the entire situation hurts you so much, then put your foot down. You know you havent done anything wrong. Just tell the wife that you realize she doesnt like you being around, so she should not ask for your help even in her absence. Dial it down a bit, set your own limits and dont stay over or sleep over with the kids. Talk to your friend about this. If he is that close to you, he would definitely understand.
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A
female
reader, Battista +, writes (28 June 2011):
Thanks for the follow-up OP.
Sorry, one more question, do they pay you to look after the kids or do you do it for nothing?
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A
male
reader, Drew21  +, writes (28 June 2011):
 I guess I would ask: does your best friend realize that his wife dislikes you?
I think i would talk to him about it and say that you feel like you really need to dial back how much they rely on you because you just aren't comfortable with the wife.
I would tell the wife the same thing. Listen if having me around upsets you then please stop relying on me for this stuff.
It seems like an awfully confuddled situation you're in!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2011): she gallavants off this means that she goes away for pleasure too or she stays away longer then she has too. she is never at home she comes in at like 7 in the evening. and i leave straight away.
he works too so its not really like we r together and when i sleep there it is only if he cannot for some reason be at home. it only happened twice. and she dumps the kids with me like here look after the kids for me. he asks if i can help him with them or whatever.
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A
female
reader, Battista +, writes (28 June 2011):
There may be nothing between you and the husband, but don't you agree that it looks a bit odd for you to be staying over in her house when she is away on work?
Also, why do you say she gallavants off for days on end if she is on work trips? (or does she go away on non-work trips as well?).
Lastly, I would ask, does she actually want you looking after the kids or is this more of an arrangement between you and the husband? I know you say you love kids and babysitting etc, but they are her kids, not yours. Why are you spending so much time (at least this is how it seems from your post) with her kids in the first place?
Please let us know some more info.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (28 June 2011):
I think I would talk to the wife. Tell her you've heard from her children that she hates you and that you would have preferred to have heard it from her the moment she started having a problem with you. Ask her what exactly is bothering her so much to have made things so uncomfortable and let her talk without interruption. After you have established the exact problem you can work towards a solution.
Maybe the amount of time you spend with him is making her uncomfortable. You spend time with him, his kids, it may be for her like you live there. This could be driving her apart from her husband. Ofcourse I'm just making a guess here.
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A
male
reader, Drew21 +, writes (28 June 2011):
I hate to say it, but i think i would dial back how much involvement i have with the family.
When you come around to hang with the kids, do you just drop in unannounced or do they know you're coming?
You say when SHE goes away for work you come and sleep with the kids. Does this mean that your friend (her husband) is still around in the house?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2011): It is difficult this one. I can understand that your male friends wife is jealous in some way of the closeness of your relationship with her husband but you make it clear there is nothing else in it so she has no reason to accuse you. One thing I would say is that if this situation is causing problems in this guys marriage then it is your duty as his friend to back off a bit. Friends don't cause marriage problems whatever the reason. Does your boyfriend have a female friend that is similarly close? How would you feel about that? Have you invited this couple over to your house to share a meal with you and your boyfriend? Perhaps you need to find ways to address the balance - at the moment it seems you invade her 'space' physical but especially emotional and I would probably feel a bit threatened by that too.
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