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My best friend is 17 and her guy is 53! Do I support her?

Tagged as: Age differences, Friends, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 September 2007) 14 Answers - (Newest, 9 January 2008)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

one of my best friends is 17, 18really soon and shes been seeing this guy for about five months, they're havingsex and everything, theyve said "i love you" and when shes told her parents theyre moving in together. He's a really nice guy and hes not that bad looking, but theres only one problem, hes 53! Shes my best freind and i luv her to bits but i think its really wrong and sick. i just dont know what to do, do i support her? im really confused!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2008):

this is totally normal and okay. a lot of girls like older guys cos usually they are ready for commitment and girls genrally feel protected round older men.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2007):

It seems everything goes well between your friend and her partner. Age is just a number, many sites support the age gap love, I met my guy who is 55 years old at Agelessmatch.com. I'm 25 years old. So as a friend, you would be there for her no matter who she was dating.

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A female reader, ladybug Philippines +, writes (24 September 2007):

ladybug agony auntIf they are happy together. why not? there's no law that says you're not allow to love when you are 53... :)

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A female reader, Amy2007x United Kingdom +, writes (23 September 2007):

Amy2007x agony auntWell if she is happy, shouldnt you be happy for her?

Okay it is a massive age difference but they love each other. You may have your views on it but that is ok, you can think its sick and wrong etc but dont tell your friend that...keep it to youself she is happy so be happy for her =D

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A female reader, Amy2007x United Kingdom +, writes (23 September 2007):

Amy2007x agony auntWell if she is happy, shouldnt you be happy for her?

Okay it is a massive age difference but they love each other. You may have your views on it but that is ok, you can think its sick and wrong etc but dont tell your friend that...keep it to youself she is happy so be happy for her =D

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2007):

Hi Love,

Yes your friend is young, but is she happy?

The age is the main problem here for your concerns... I myself am 45 my b/f is 23 we have been together for almost 2yrs this is not a problem for us but it was for a mountain of people at the begining, I felt very sad that I couldnt seem to make others understand that I was happy that he was really kind and good to me after 2 very abusive marraiges..I had found a real friend as well as a partner who took me for who I was..

All I asked for was understanding as I had given others when they had needed it, We dont always think something may be good for our friends thats the worry of them being hurt plus it may be not what we would want for ourselves, hunny we are all very different its society that says what is right and wrong, Like being with a partner of the same sex its still not completely exepted, I dont think anyone has a right to judge another persons choices...As one day something may come along that we no others wont approve of in our lives.. I have always looked at life as a learning experience and all our ups n downs help us grow, If your friend is happy then support her, She could be with a b/f around her own age that was not so good to her its not the age its the persons qualitys of caring and kindness that count... Let her enjoy this happy time in her life and be happy for her love, Everyone will have different veiws but what really matters is love and happiness and why deny that to anyone... TAKE CARE OF YOU LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

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A male reader, rcn United States +, writes (18 September 2007):

rcn agony auntI wouldn't agree with the relationship, apparently you have an issue with it, but we're not the ones in the relationship. Sometimes even if we don't personally agree with something someone else does, we still have to support them because going against their feelings is almost like saying how they feel really doesn't matter much to us. Being their friend, you need to respect her feelings all though you don't share the same belief.

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A female reader, rammsteinfan United States +, writes (18 September 2007):

rammsteinfan agony auntHere in the United States, this relationship would be against the law!! The age here is 18 or 19. I think that your friend is too young to have a relationship with a man of that age. I think that it's just wrong!

Be there for your friend and pray for her that she finds a guy closer to her age!

Good Luck and God Bless!!!

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A male reader, Frank B Kermit Canada +, writes (18 September 2007):

Frank B Kermit agony auntFirstly, at 17 is it even legal for them to be together?

At 18, when they marry, the only issue is how they treat each other. If they treat each other fine, then support her. Just remember that you might end up being with someone that others may not like for other reasons. Would You want their support?

-Frank B Kermit

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2007):

It sounds another Agematch.com story is presenting. However, the point is how about your friend feeling? Remember, not yours, as a friend, you are not a judge, what you should do is give some suggestions to her and always be there for her no matter who she was dating. And I agree with howcomehoney idea "A lot of people are going to be doing that, and she's going to need you around to support her when everyone else starts coming in with the questions and the funny looks."

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2007):

Not quite to the same degree but when I was 20 I started seeing my then 39 year old boyfriend. What makes a relationship work is factors far more important than how old each person is.

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A female reader, howcomehoney France +, writes (18 September 2007):

howcomehoney agony auntIs your friend happy with this man? If he seems nice as you say, and if they're happy together and treat each other well, support her. You're a friend - you're not there to judge the politics of her situation. A lot of people are going to be doing that, and she's going to need you around to support her when everyone else starts coming in with the questions and the funny looks.

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A male reader, Uncle Trev United Kingdom +, writes (17 September 2007):

If she loves him and he loves her then what is wrong with this?

Don't get me wrong - this age differance is highly contraversial and if it was to work there is a fairly high chance that she will find herself a relatively young widow some time in the future.

Then again if they are both happy then what right has anybody got to take this away from them. A relationship such as this has to be a very strong one in order to survive.

They have to confront her parents, his children (assuming he has any). General looks and jeers from members of the public. Pressure from the likes of you and their other friends who also may not approve of their situation etc. etc. etc.

It is their decision to make and if you were a true friend you would be there for her no matter who she was dating.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2007):

it definitely seems wrong. talk to dateline nbc, maybe they could do a special on him.

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