A
female
age
51-59,
*amla
writes:Me and my partner are both 41. We were together for 3 years.After the first year i started to talk about the future but he said he wasn't there yet and liked it the way it was, both having our own homes. After 3 years i asked for committment because i wanted our relationship to have a future and i felt as if he was backing off. He used to be insecure sometimes and ask me why i was with him as he thought i was very attractive. He had never been married or lived with anyone. He loved his own space and doing his own thing. The last 6 months i felt he had stopped telling me he loved me and didn't spend much time with me. He told me he couldn't give me a future as he didn't feel it in his heart. He said he was feeling guilty when he did his own thing and that even tho our sex life was amazing e thought he loved me like a sister! He wanted to let me go to find another love. I am so devesated. I think that all his doubts could have been discussed and i told him we could carry on as we are and not live together. He refused saying i was trying to save my broken heart. It has been 4 months and i want him back. Should i ask him to start again without my going on about the future. I love him too much to just let it go? please help.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Tommy7  +, writes (18 September 2007):
Why do you want to sign up for more years of the same. Deem yourself lucky to have been told the truth. Get your life on a new path.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2007): If it is what you really want than don't give up. It could work if both you and your ex are willing to try and make it work
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2007): You were together three years. That is plenty of time to see where a relationship is going and to make a committment if one is to be made and a future together.
You say you think his doubts could have been resolved if you discussed it, and you would be happy not living together.
But didn't you discuss it many times? Didn't you make it clear to him you wanted more?
From what you have said, he made it abundantly clear to you that he is not willing to have a future together. Has he given ANY indication whatsoever in the past four months that he might be willing to reconsider?
No matter how much you want him back, it sounds highly unlikely that its going to happen. You really have no choice but to accept that he has made his decision, and to let him go and get on with your life. Take his advice and try to find someone else who can love you and want to marry you......
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