A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hello,i have aboyfriend i intend to get married to,am 25 years and want to settle.we slated adate in actober this year to get married.he wants to have sex with me but i want to have sex after legalised marriage.whenever we go out i came back late so i cant go back home i sleep at his house.ive tried to explain it to him but gets pissed n says i will tempt him to cheat.what should i do Reply to this Question
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female
reader, crummyscreenname  +, writes (20 February 2012):
if he is threatening you with cheating on you, he's a total jerk. If he's trying to pressure you into having sex when you don't want to, he isn't worth your time. It's time to dump this clown. What else doesn't he respect your wishes on?
A
female
reader, heart245  +, writes (20 February 2012):
Honestly I love that you are going to remain a virgin untill you're married its something not to many people do now a days, i plan on doing the same as you. If this guy says that you tempt him to cheat on you you should simply say something like "and you tempt me to break up with you" and yeah i know that may be kinda hard seeing as you said you plan on marrying him but honestly if he tells you things like that and tries to pressure you into sex he doesnt respect you enough. Point blank he doesnt deserve you. Hope I have helped :)
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A
male
reader, Honest Answer +, writes (20 February 2012):
 Kick this guy to the curb. There are better men out there, I promise.
Good Luck!
Jeff
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2012): Oh wow. You had better think about this long and hard...if this man is threatening cheating based on your beliefs...what happens when you get into a fight down the road, get sick, have a baby, etc......for a period of time when you really can't engage in sex with him, is he going go cheat then too?
If this man loves you and is committed to you, he will wait.....he will respect you and what is important to you...he may not like it, but he would do it, because he loves you enough and you are important enough....
Based on the fact he is threatening such a thing, if it was me, as hard as it would be to do, I would have to kick him to the curb....this is NOT the man for you. The sooner you recognize this, the better off you will be in the long run....don't start your life/marriage off with him like this...this is a HUGE red flag, and not likely to be a lasting marriage. So sorry.
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A
male
reader, need2know4life +, writes (20 February 2012):
I guess that he has had sex before and you are feeling his pressure to do it with him. I want you to know that communication, respect and trust are very important in relationship and in a marriage. I the man's eyes he can not see past his penis. So you must site him down and really talk to him about how you are going to be his wife and that you will not put up with this kind of pressure. You have your reasons and your morals for why you want to wait and he needs to respect it. You need to drill this into his head until he gets it. Do not cave in. You tell him that you want it to be special and that you do love him and that he needs to open up his eyes to see that this is not just about him. Yes you two will come together maybe but it will be on your terms. If he does not want to wait then he is not the one for you. Sex is a big deal. Make sure he understands you and knows how to listen to you. Because if he does not then it will be a problem in your marriage. Don't let a men control you they should love and respect you. But know that some men can not control the drive and the need for sex. Stay strong. Talk to him a lot. Have him talk to a church leader or some one who can teach him how to wait and be a gentle men. It is hard for men but they can be taught. I want you to have a special wedding day. Don't play games with you man always communicate clearly to him and don't lead him on. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Talk and work together.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (20 February 2012):
 This B/f of yours needs a kick on his backside and needs to be shown the door. If a man cannot respect your wishes, he's not the man for you. Plain and simple.
You say you're getting married in October and if he cannot wait even that long to get laid, then he's the one with the problem, not you. He's got the audacity to say that you're tempting him to cheat, just open the door, throw him out and ask him to go get it from wherever he wants as long as he doesn't bother you anymore. Sorry OP, this guy isnt a keeper. Forcing a partner for sex is WRONG and a huge deal breaker in my book. Dont ever do something that you dont want to and dont ever give in to his threats.
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