A
female
age
51-59,
*ouble standards
writes:I just came home from a major surgery and the first thing my husband did was turn the tv on and start some porn he recorded (one of several shows he recorded on a night I was still in the hospital) He was saying something like "just so you know, I got bored, so" and by the time he hit "bored" I was frantically deleting it from my living room TV, upset, drugged with pain med cocktail from surgery, in pain, confused thinking my toddlers were coming in (not coherent enough to realize my sister had taken them home with her to give me peace and quiet for a day) he flips out on me for deleting it!? He says he wanted me to see before i found it and got upset. and I'm thinking what the? Is he even thinking saving this crap on the family tv? He knows I don't even like it in the house, and really don't want it where my 4 year old can find it? Days later I confront him in a nice way and tell him I'm sorry for how I reacted and how it was horribly bad timing on his part, I was drugged, in pain, and felt attacked by the confusion, and it upset me that he got "bored" and went outside our relationship for stimulation when he could have looked at the vids I made for him of me, or called me. He apologized but said he wasn't thinking of having sex with them or wanting sex with anyone else and he wasn't out with anyone so he doesnt think it's wrong and maybe I should watch with him and we can learn something new. I said I didn't like it when we did, it repulsed me, I stared at him and ignored the vid when he turned it toward me to share the view, because HE is what turns me on and id like to be enough for him too. I said it was vulgar and degrading the way the man spoke to the woman and unles I want to be talked to like trash and raped, it's not even remotely enticing. Maybe something respectful and erotic would be ok. He says that's what he had taped. I said ok, but still bad timing! And we are way adventurous, so I don't see how we can learn something from yuk anyway. I have never said no to anything he wants to do, we have sex almost daily for hours and sometimes several times a day and it's never the same, always awesome like we're playing twister and swinging from the chandeliers! So.... As I continue to be bothered by those events and examining my heart, I ponder why I am insecure and I realize something..: he flipped out on me when I put a light coat of mascara on one day. "who are you trying to impress?" no one! I was bored waiting for you in the car, cleaned out my purse, found it and thought I'd feel pretty for you!!! He says "take it off, you don't need it" several months later his sister in law put some on me having a girls day out... Again he was angry, saying "I can't see you" what? I said. He says "I don't know who you are. You don't look like you!" his sister in law stopped him and he said "she's not ugly. She doesn't need it! Ugly girls need it" and then another time I put a silky blouse on that covered more than a modest bathing suit, it was pixie cut along the bottom and sleeveless, not too low cut but cool for hot weather, I said how do I look, he says "ok if you want to look like a slut!" now I'm thinking ok, is it bad? His brother said he thought it was wry flattering and should be fine even for work. He says he's not jealous but his behavior seems to indicate that he does not want anyone looking at me at all.... But it's Ok for him to watch porn and spend several hours daily looking at random explicit photos of women on Facebook wearing much less than I was! It was daily and every time I left the house, so I cancelled the Internet! I'm concerned about the control issues and him making me feel bad when he should want me to feel pretty, and the jealousy he says he does not have!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2012): He's probably feeling guilty cause hes a pervert and thinks every man out there is having his thoughts when they look at you.
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