A
female
age
30-35,
*eila1990
writes:Hey, I'm 20 years old , from France and i go to school in US i met a guy from Ohio , we had been together for 2 years. After he proposed to me last Christmas( We've in distance relationship for 2 years)i moved and transferred college from California to a small town in Ohio to be with him after. Every time he get angry , he start telling me bad and mean words. He yell at me and start threatening to hit me. Now i broke up with him, moved back to California and left my furniture ! He refused to give it to me back ( couch , bed , dishes and other things ) i gave him his ring back. I feel so angry !! All my stuff that rest there worth about more than 3000$ I was stupid ! I thought he was a good man and I got so excited for having my fairytale wedding Now he started texting me crying saying he loves and he want me back , i love him so much. However, i feel it's unfair for me to talk with him ! i gave him back the ring, he have to give me back my stuff and fix all the problems like a man. he told me that i should come to Ohio, sell the stuff together and fix our relationship then after i finish my degree in a California we move in together i really don't know what to do ? what do you think about my situation ? can you please give some good advices ? thank you
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female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (14 July 2012):
 Hi
You can replace furniture so write it off,its only stuff. Your well being is far more important, your peace of mind. At your age you have so many opportunities ahead of you to take. Put this relationship down to experience,cut all contact,change your number and move on.He had his chance and blew it.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 July 2012):
 Personally my take on this is that if you can't get your stuff back you should chalk it up to experience and move on...
My fiance has a few items from a woman he was involved with a long time ago. She wanted them back and he refused to return them (he was wrong but i was not there so I can't say why)
It's easy to replace stuff.
I would tell him one last time "I want my stuff when can I get it" if he says no
let it go
it's not worth the court costs to be honest and that drags it out with him...
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (13 July 2012):
 I agree with the others here...civil lawsuit or forget about "the stuff". Those things are just objects and objects don't mean all that much to us in the long run. Your emotional, mental, and physical well-being mean more. Don't let him keep controlling you in this way. Later you will regret all the time you wasted messing around with him when you could have just put an end to it.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (13 July 2012):
 Yeah, Cindy brings up a fantastic point. Don't let the stuff become an excuse to carry on the drama with him. If you don't, or can't get your stuff from him, get away anyways. The point is to get away, and he'll use it to manipulate you like he's already doing.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 July 2012):
 I second You Wish's advice, plus I'd like to add that if for any reason you decide not to proceed with the lawsuit, or legal ways don't bring the expected result... just chalk it up to the cost of ...tuition. Valuable lessons in life usually come with a price, and yours was just a few hundred bucks ( 3000 USD is what you spent to buy the stuff new, but if you had to resell it now, you'd probbaly cash in less than half ).You have learned a few useful things, hopefully... like , that LDR and IRL relationship can feel VERY different, that is generally unwise uproot your whole life and move lock stock and barrel for ANY man- only do it if it's for yourelf and YOUR future - in this case too you have been lucky because at least you'll get your Californian degree. And that " I love him so much " is NEVER enough to carry on a relationship, theer must be other conditions , like personal compatibilities, shared values, same conflict management style, etc.etc.
Moral- get your stuff , as You Wish says, and cut your ties.. and cut them anyway even if you don't get your stuff back ! Your happiness and future is worth more than 3000 bucks!
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (13 July 2012):
You left your stuff there and now you want it?
This one is easy. You're in the US, so go to your courthouse and file a civil lawsuit in conciliation court, which is low cost and doesn't really even need a lawyer.
The court will then order him to return or allow you to retrieve access of your items within a certain amount of days (i.e. 5-7). In some states, you can and should even have a sheriff accompany you to enforce the writ.
Don't screw around with the ex-boyfriend drama. Get your stuff, then cut all ties from him. Save *every* email correspondence regarding your stuff to take to court with you.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (13 July 2012):
 Well for a start do not even consider getting back with this bloke. The easiest thing might be to sell the furniture and take the money, if you can.
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A
female
reader, MissTellAll +, writes (13 July 2012):
 Do not under any circumstances go back to this man, OP. He already threatened to hit you, are you going to wait around for him to actually do it? Of course not!My adivce, bring the law into this. If the furniture is entirely your, you brought it, bought it, not his you must get it back. He is keeping it so you will have to come back and get it and then try to make you fall for him again.Do not fall for this OP.Many, many people come on here with significant others like this and do you know what I tell them every single time? Leave. I was once in an emotionally abusive relationship, long distance, and the moment I stopped feeling awful was the moment I knew I was saying goodbye to him for good.OP, you are 21 at the oldest- still so, so young and so able to get your life back on track. Go to school. Get a degree. Find someone who won't threaten you or steal your things.If you stay you will only end up blaming yourself.Good luck to you, and I truly mean that. Hope this helped.
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