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anonymous
writes:Help please Aunts,I am having trouble trying to understand what this man i'm in love with is trying to say to me.He knows how much i care about him very much,and he has said he cares about me.but we had a little tiff and i challenged him about just how much he does really care,all he would say to me was,"I care about you more than you know",i want to know does that mean he loves me and if so why won't he just come out and say I love you.i'm really still none the wiser.and i hate to assume things that could be wrong.but i don't want to keep harping about it to him.i just wish he wouldn't talk in riddles. anyone have any ideas please as to what i should think about what he has said to me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2012): I'm a woman and I find it very hard to say "I love you." I have no problem saying it to my parents and siblings, my friends and even to my pets but to my guy, I find it very hard. (yes I can tell my dog and cats "I love you" but not my guy.)there is a man in my life, as much as I truly do love him more deeply and intensely than I've loved anyone else, and want to be with him all the time, I just cannot say 'i love you' to him because I feel that saying those words now obligates you to go down a certain path. to me, you can't say "I love you" to a partner and have it just be an expression of your feelings as you can with your other family members, instead once you say it, it carries serious and weighty expectations and obligations. and what if you're not ready for those? then I feel you should not say "I love you" even if you truly love them or it misleads them and creates all kinds of problems and misunderstandings. early on when we were first falling in love he said "I love you" very quickly, and I told him not to say it because to me it's a very serious thing to say. He tried to say it again to me, once, and I wouldn't let him....so he never said it again, and I never said it...and now it's been 7 years later and we're still just as crazy about each other as ever, and I still can't say it, and he doesn't either, but he expresses his longing in other words, and our actions and non verbal language says it clearly. the longer it's been, the harder it gets to say it. I don't doubt that he loves me and I know he knows that I love him, just that I can't say it or that would be committing to a course of action that I don't think I can do.maybe the man you're seeing has a similar hang up as me about saying these specific words. or maybe in his past relationships he said those words and it backfired and had an unhappy ending.with my ex it was a different story. He would say "i love you' all the time to try and get me to say it back and I just couldn't, and did not, because the truth is that I knew in my heart of hearts that I did not love him in the way he wanted so I couldn't say something I didn't mean. he would get very upset with me for not saying it. In the end we broke up. we stayed friends and many years later, I was finally able to tell him honestly "I love you", but as a friend, and to mean it sincerely.in the end, don't put so much weight on those specific words from your boyfriend. there are many ways one can express themselves, don't make it all about this one way.
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reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (13 July 2012):
 I feel your pain. I am with a man who told me early on “I do not say ‘I love you’” I heard him and it’s true. I have told him I love him and I have asked him if he loves me and he does. And I know he loves me by how he treats me… not by what he says… Last time we talked about it (because it makes him uncomfortable when I say “I LOVE YOU” to him so we don’t use words like that a lot) I said “I just wish you loved me” and he was like “I DO” and he does… he just can’t say it. He’s said the “I care about you very much” back early on when he was realizing he was falling in love with me.
While I like to hear “I love you” , hearing it too often does make it meaningless… and saying the words without the actions is useless…
On occasion when he’s feeling very loving (and full of alcohol) he will come and say to me “I really do love you” but in nearly 2 years together I’ve heard it maybe 3 times. He just can’t/won’t say it…
We’ve come up with codes that mean “I love you” we will cuddle and say “MINE” and I know that means the same thing… and for me the first time I realized I loved him I said “Damn you to hell” and he knows when I say that to him it mean “I love you”
So while he may not love you… he may care deeply… or he may love you and be a man who does not like to say the words…
the issue is you will have to talk to him about it.
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reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (13 July 2012):
 What makes the difference how he expresses himself if everything is going ok and he shows how much he cares about you? I think sometimes women get into this funk that the man they are seeing has to SAY "I love you" or he doesn't really love you. Not true. Don't argue over semantics because if you drag this out too far or long, he will see he can't please you and just give up. Pay attention to what he does and how well he treats you.
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reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 July 2012):
 This does not sound like a riddle to me . He says he cares about you. " More than you know " because in your tiff, or in the general course of your relationship, you might have accused him/ implied /conveyed to him, verbally or not, that he does not care ENOUGH, or that he cares less than you do.
He says:" No , you are wrong. I do care even if you did not realize it fully ".
Now, if this is the truth, or just nice words,... go figure. In fact, do not figure : observe. Stick to the facts. If he ACTS like someone who cares, if he does things that show care , ...then he cares.
If he does not say " I love you " , I guess, is simply because " I love you " is quite different from " I care about you ". These are different words coming from very different feelings and maybe , in this case as in most, the real explanation is the simplest one. He does not say " I love you " because he does not feel the kind of romantic, passionate ,deep feeling that would prompt these words.
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reader, YouWish +, writes (13 July 2012):
 He's not ready to tell you he loves you, and never assume that he means that he does if he hasn't said it.
I'd stop all harping with him to say it. To many guys, saying "I love you" is a step of commitment and a declaration of taking a relationship to the next level and adds an implied responsibility to the relationship. Some guys are very commitment-phobic, while others don't like how the words make them feel vulnerable.
On the other hand, many women will say it simply because that's what they feel. It's an expression of deep emotion without the burden of connotations and commitment.
You never mentioned how long you've been with him. If it's early in the relationship, you should lighten up on him and he can say it in his own time, in his own way.
However, if you both have been together for years, then you've got a fear of commitment on your hands. Either that, or he doesn't love you. It's hard to advise you on what to do without knowing how long you both have been together, whether there's sex involved or children involved or you're living together.
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