A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of two years has physically, emotionally, and mentally abused me for two years. I finally found the strength to try and leave him and he is throwing countless excuses in my face that make me reconsider... he was extremely depressed and needed patience from me while he was getting better...that I am part of his family and I am a coward for leaving him when we've been through so much......and as of this morning he is telling me that leaving men who 'love me' is in my blood because my parents got divorced when I was in my early 20's and my mother has been unable to remarry since. My parents still get along well and have great relationships with all three kids. It sucks that it happened but they are both much happier now.My mother has asked me if I am depressed and I say that I am just stressed because I am also a full time employee and full time graduate student - in addition to a full time doormat and I keep going back and forth.Am I being 'like my mother' as he says, for leaving him? Am I being too quick and should I give him the patience he asks for, in order for him to 'become normal' again? The thing is...I constantly reassured him that it is okay to be depressed and I would stay by him, but that it was not okay for him to take it out on me...and he never stopped accusing me of being with other men, of looking seductively at other men (including my brother!), of dressing like a wh*re, of lying about everything I do...and even a few times raising his hand/fist to my body and following through with the implied threat."It's in your blood, you're just like your mother because you're leaving me and you know that I love you".
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depressed, divorce, I love you Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (26 February 2010):
Get out, he's kill you slowly... get out and don't look back.
A
female
reader, Ich_liebe_dich  +, writes (26 February 2010):
Be strong, dont let him manipulate you more and more. If you cant handle to see him suffering, go far.., very far that you can start again your own life, Go where you can find your peace of mind. What ever happen, what ever he do to his life is not your fault. If he tell you he will kill him self if you go, you just simply say FINE" but im out of here".. Dear you are not responsible to his life. You are not responsible to his depression, you already help him once and if he didnt give you any good thing for a change, then better give your self a good change for your life. Its now or never..
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2010): Get out of there and stay out of there x
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (25 February 2010):
 He's a manipulative liar.. never forget that. He wants you to stay, so he pushes your triggers and hopes you will belive the lies he tells.
'Your like your mother'- LIAR
'Your impatient and too quick to walk away' - LIAR
'I'll become normal if you stay' - LIAR
'You sleep with other men' - LIAR
'You flirt with other men' - LIAR
'You want to screw your brother' - LIAR
'You dress like a whore' - LIAR
'You can't tell the truth' - LIAR
'I can change' - LIAR
'I LOVE YOU' - LIAR, LIAR, LIAR, LIAR... HE LOVES HIMSELF.
"It's in your blood, you're just like your mother because you're leaving me and you know that I love you".
Every single word he says is absolute bullshit. That's not bloody depression, depressed people try and hurt themselves, they don't try and hurt others... HE'S A LYING WASTE OF TIME... Never forget that, he wants to keep you so he can hit you, fuck you, and then screw with your mind.
RUN! Don't look back, there's freedom and sanity out there as soon as you get rid of him.
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (25 February 2010):
 Don't go back to this guy. You are not being like your mother at all. You said he has been abusive for two years now, thats far to long to put up with and if he has made no attempt to change prior to you leaving then he doesn't deserve you in the least. The threats are his pathetic attempt to get you to stay because he knows that you can move on without him but he won't have another to abuse like you.
You have to be strong and leave. You're following your own path through life and even though it might resemble your mother you are not her. You have your own reasons for leaving. Your blood didn't have anything to do with his behavior.
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A
male
reader, Neboraic +, writes (25 February 2010):
Dont give this guy any more of your time. He uses dirty tricks to keep you from leaving him, his actions show what kind of man he is and he doesnt deserve you.To answer the question of whether you are like your mother, divorce is common place today, people split up all the time, meaning you are like half the population of the planet. It was the right decision for your mum and its the right decision for you, most people are happier after a split. Also, you use the phrase "normal again", depressed people arent horrible to their girlfriends, therefore when he is not depressed anymore, he will still be abusive. Putting the depression to the side, would you still want to be with this guy and the abuse.Leave the guy, find a good man, there are plenty.
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