A
male
age
36-40,
*rancedRhythmEar
writes:Want to get some feedback from women here... I grew up without a father so my mother had to be both parents in a way. As a result, I've always been a "Momma's boy". She's not protective or invasive in my personal life we just have a very solid and close relationship however I'm wanting to refine that aspect of my personality a bit in order to better attract women. One woman told me it's a good thing because that type of relationship says "I know how to treat a woman" and my experience tells me to pull away from my mother a little as women see it as soft, unmanly, and perhaps childish. Thoughts please.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2011): I think most women respect a man who respects his mother. The issue I think most women have with "mama's boys" is that we are inevitable compared to or take second place to the mother.
If the relationship becomes serious, mama's boys, tend to expect the girlfriend or wife to replace a lot of what their mother did....sometimes that expectation can be very heavy or make us feel perpetually inadequate. Alternately, if the son always looks to his mother for decisions or approval, that can make the girlfriend/wife feel like she will perpetually be number 2.
If you are kind to her and you don't let her overrun your life, then I think you're good.
A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar +, writes (2 December 2011):
TrancedRhythmEar is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you all for your feedback. Very well appreciated. No, I do not live with her as some of you asked. I have a healthy relationship with her and we discuss a lot and maintain solid communication. She misses cooking for me so she sends me these gift packages with food in them and other small items. Recently, I think she sent me a video game. I, as my obligation, try to support her each month by sending her money.
I've been wanting to tone this down a bit because I feel like a little boy. After all i didnt lose my damn virginity til I was 25 so I dont need any more pathetic ridicules in my life. She's a great mother and I maintain good respect for her and try to take care of her from a distance. I want to just leave it at that. Thanks.
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (2 December 2011):
 The only time it's not attractive is when you're still living at home with her, she's cooking all your meals, washing and folding your laundry, cleaning your room, and she has way too much input when it comes to your life decisions. Basically, coddling and nurturing you as if you were still her little boy. That's not sexy.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (1 December 2011):
 You want to "better attract women" so I'm wondering what type of woman you are looking for? I've read some of your posts and you seem to be a guy stuck between two worlds in a way. That is not a particularly comfortable or nice place to be in the best of circumstances. If you feel like an outsider, you will come across as one.
I guess my question for you is, do you live wit your mother and does she determine your life choices?
I suspect the issue isn't so much that you were raised by your mother and feel close to her, is that you are caught in a world that you don't feel completely at home and in synchronicity with, if that makes any sense. A guy who feels like a fish out of water is going to look and act peculiar to the little fishes swimming in their large schools, if you get my metaphor there. Or is it simile? I get confused. Anyway, the point is that your lack of success in attracting women may simply be that you are not in your comfort zone. The women you are hoping to attract could have an entirely different filter at selecting men than you even comprehend.
So who are you trying to attract?
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A
female
reader, dmartin89  +, writes (1 December 2011):
 It really depends on how you put it;
"I'm a momma's boy" - Bit off putting, its a negative defining description of you as a person.
"I have a good and close relationship with my mom" - Sounds good, you know how to keep up a relationship, you are a family man and know how to respect a woman.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (1 December 2011):
 I only like men who are good to their mothers. If a guy doesn't look after his mother and sisters, then I won't even talk to him. But I'm not sure about how women feel where you are in SA.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 December 2011):
 A man that has a healthy relationship with his mother is a good thing. A "momma's boy" is not a good thing.
A man who respects his mom but has boundaries with her is a good thing.
How a man treats his mother is how he treats his partner.
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female
reader, bluecow +, writes (1 December 2011):
 for me it all depends on the type of mummy's boy you are.Are you the sort of independant man (financially and mentally), who has a strong, close and healthy relationship with your mum? Do you talk to her about anything, respect her views and make your own decisions? Are you the sort to consider her needs and feelings - like running errands or contributing to the household with cooking and cleaning.ORAre you the sort of mummys boy who allows mummy to do all the cooking, cleaning, ironing etc. Does your mum pick out and buy your clothes? Does mum dictate when you can go out, where and what time to be home?For me the first is a healthy adult relationship with a parent, the 2nd is an unhealthy childish relationship with a parent.I consider the sort of relationship a man has with his parents (excluding people from abusive households etc) is a good indicator as to how he will treat his spouse. If the man was of the 2nd type... I would run a mile.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 December 2011):
 I think it really depends on the guy. I have to say I do find that a man who has a good & healthy relationship with his mother knows how to treat a GF/Wife. I think having a solid and healthy relationship with your parents is a good thing - at any age.
But a guy who lets his mother dictate his entire life makes for a horrible partner. And a guy who is used to Momma doing EVERYTHING is not a partner I would enjoy either, they tend to not want a partner but another mother-figure. IMHO - I have met both.
What kind of women is your mother, if you don't mind me asking?
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female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (1 December 2011):
 I was always told to look to see the way a man treats his mother. If he treats her with love and respect, more than likely he will treat his lady the same way. I do believe it can go too far though, if a man can't make decisions on his own, or runs and drops everything for his mom, then that is not attractive. My ex husband was spoiled rotten by his mom being the baby of the family, but he wasn't a mama's boy, big difference. I think its nice when men treat their mother well and look out for her. Again, unless it goes TOO far.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2011): There is nothing wrong with being close to your Mother, in fact I think it's attractive as long as his mother isn;t interferring in the relationship, or trying to control things. My Dad was a Momma's boy, he was close to his mother, but it didn;t impact on his marriage to my Mum or to our family life. We went to visit her regularly, and he was a very sensitive and caring man, whilst still being very strong and Manly. I personally think it's attractive, and from what you have said your Mum doesn't interfer in your life, she is just close to you, that's a good thing. Your fine as you are. Good Luck
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female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx +, writes (1 December 2011):
 I grew up without a farther and even though i am a girl i now have a rather close relationship with my mother.
Tbh if i had to choose between a partner or a relationship with my mum, i would choose my mum.
I for one, think that its lovely when a boy has a great relationship with his mum, and tbh when i see boys who are cheeky towards there mum or horrible i acutally find it a massive turn off and class them as disrespectful.
The woman was right in what she told you, i will admit if i see a boy who's affectionate and kind towards his mother it kind of gives me an idea of how they would be towards me.
The only time when it is a turn off to be as you put it a mamma's boy is when the boy's mothers controll them to the point where they choose everything for them, apart from that its great.
I don't know what expeirence you have had with girls not being attracted to you because you love your mum, but lets put it like this.
If a girl cannot respect the love you have for your family, then she can't respect you.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (1 December 2011):
 It's good to be close with your mother. What has made you think you should pull away? Has a woman pulled away from you strictly because of this? I think it is a good thing that you are close to your mother, as long as you understand, and are capable of also putting a girlfriend/future wife first in your life. A woman doesn't like to share you with another woman. If you enter a relationship while still having a very close relationship with your mother, you must make sure your girlfriend feels appreciated and loved and prioritized, that she is also important to you.
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