A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:nearly 2 months ago andy and i broke up. during this relationship i was always friends with my ex max, who was my first big love (this break up is 2 and a half years ago we were 16 and stupid and made a lot of mistakes. after the break up he fell in love with sophie but she always just wanted friendship...well until this summer). max was sometimes a bit flirty and sometimes i really had the feeling that he wants me back. somehow sophie started to like max more than just a friend and they made out and now they finally decided to give it a try...ok the problem is i want max as my boyfriend! after my break up with andi, when max was single, we had a kind of date and i am sure this evening he was in love with me! he was flirty, made me compliments, he wanted to invite me to dinner, he had this look in his eyes and he tried to touch me and to stay as long in my flat as he could (this is a bit more than one month ago)! max and i are extremly good friends and we write nearly daily on facebook and he was flirty but i had a strange feeling and asked him last week if he was in a relationship with sophie and he said yed they want to give it a try but that sophie knows that we write a lot and that this wouldn't change even if he is in a relationship with her and that he needs my friendship to be happy. i have no idea what i should do now...i have no clue how long this relationship will last. maybe 2 months, maybe a year...? on the one hand i want him back but since i don't know how long they will be together i won't waste time just waiting for him so i will date others and i guess probably having contact with him will be good if i want him back. on the other hand to get over him no contact with him would be best for me. i am confused i have no idea what i should do. should i just stay in touch with him or have a lot of contact with him or should i break the contact? i just want him back we are best friends, there is passion and chemistry between us and since our break up we both changed. we would be such a perfect match
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2011): There is no point in being an emotional support to him when you have romantic feelings for him. He basically does want you to hang in there in case Sophie and Him don't work out.
You're his failsafe Plan B while Sophie is plan A.
NEVER, settle for second best.
A Man who Loves His Woman, puts his Woman First.
Remember this.
Cut off the talking/texting/FB-ing for a while. Step it down to safe, generic topics and even then, two days a week.
YES continue dating others. Find a Man that will have you as his PLAN A, ALPHA FEMALE, First Priority.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2011): life's to short, tell him how you feel. be honest to yourself and to max.
the worst that can happen is he wont feel the same way.
but that's better than a life of not knowing what might of been.
mark
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A
female
reader, Claraw1  +, writes (1 December 2011):
 You want him back, but he is with Sophie now, you have said their relationship may last 2 months or a year, you don't know, What if it lasts a lifetime? Honestly, he had a choice to make when they started, he could have chosen you, but he didn't. Are you willing to go through months, possibly years of getting hurt, just because you want someone who is taken. You are his ex, my advice is cut contact, let him know you need time to get over your feelings for him, and you can be friends again when that happens. I was in your position late last year, the guy my closest friend I was in love with, knew how I felt about him and he started a relationship with someone else, I cut contact and let him know that I had get over my feelings for him, and wished him the best with her. A few months later he contacted me again, he was single and told me how much he missed me. I still wasn't over him, but I made sure he knew if he wanted me he had to work for it, we have now been a couple for the past year and have never been happier. If you are meant to be with him, you will be and by showing him that you respect his decision and being honest about needing some time to get over him is the best way to go about it. It's not guaranteed, nothing is, but if he really wants to be with you, he will come back to you. I hope this helps you a bit, and I wish you the best of luck.
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