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anonymous
writes:Here's a question for the male readers. You're at a bar by yourself one night, listening to a band and a woman comes up to you who is not really that great looking; short hair, big hips, kind of flat chested, has alot of tattoos and she walks up to you, leans over and runs her tongue up the side of your neck and whispers, "There are things I could do to you that you would never forget.".....Now I ask you, would that a turn on to you? Would most men get her phone number, or be grossed out by this approach?....I just need to know. Thanks so much.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2010): This approach may work on some guys. But to me, it's a little too forceful and unless the woman had the body of a porn star, I'd definitely pass. Particularly, as others have said, since it sounds like an approach a prostitute my use.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2010): To the original poster...dont try to be like someone from his past, or wonder about her. She no doubt left an impression on him, but she is gone now, and he is with you. My GF downplays her ex'es all the time, but I know she harbors secret fond recollections of certain moments...the office fucks, lunchtime quickies, screwing the boss, teh "big" guy. Everyone has their memorable moments...desnt mean he thinks any less of you. THe most wild moments I've had were with freaks I would never be with. That's why their freaks, and made an impression. In the end, nobody marries a freak and lives to tell about it. He's into YOU!
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reader, dirtball  +, writes (13 July 2010):
 To answer the original question, it would be a turn on, but I don't think I'd take her up on the offer unless I was hard up. If she's willing to come onto me that way, I'd be wondering how many other guys she's done the exact same thing to. I'd be afraid of STD's big time with this one.With your follow-up in mind, I'd say she likely did something for him that he hasn't found elsewhere. Despite all the bad, there are some fond memories. Given what you've said, they are likely sexual. That gives you a couple of options, you can try to explore ground that you haven't previously, or have a serious heart to heart about why he is keeping the momentos around. The briefcase is my biggest question. Folders on the computer are nothing this day and age.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2010): It's been 8 years, 5 of those with you. It's time to think logically about this. As you read in my last post, you might have guessed that I was pretty wild a few years back. The girls I dated reflected that too.
I've dated some crazies in that period of my life and got taken for a ride a few times. But like your boyfriend I learned my lesson and like your boyfriend I grew.
He went for a woman that was the complete opposite of his ex because he wanted to ensure he never got hurt like that again for those reasons because put simply, it was his own fault, he was warned about her and his friends and family hated her but he still maintained a relationship with her until he was royally screwed over.
Him having pictures of her means he wants to keep memories of that time, he no doubt had good times with her and he no doubt wants to keep mementos of that time to remind himself of the good times and also serve as a warning to himself not get caught out again.
He's definitely not going to do anything foolish if he meets a woman like this chick, the fact he wants nothing to do with women like that lies in the fact that he's now with a girl like you.
Don't feel in the least bit insecure about this, she was one huge mistake for him and he doesn't sound like the type of guy that keeps sticking his hand in the fire if he's already been burned.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to all the men who took the time to answer my post. This was not something I have ever done to approach a man. It's definately not my style, but my b/f was involved with a woman who did this when she met him, and not only did it work, but he asked her to marry him about a year later (much to everyone's horror). Of course she accepted the expensive ring, which she later hocked, along with all his furniture and a multitude of other personal things she took when she left. But 8 years later, I still find pictures of this horrid b***ch tucked inside his briefcase, or hidden in folders on his computer like he's desperately trying to keep her memory alive. It's like she had some kind of power over him. Now I'm confused since I am nothing like her, although I'm not shy in bed, and I know how to please a man but I still feel a bit insecure that he could still be hung up on someone who is my polar opposite. Is he a bit sadistic or what?...What do you think all of this really means? He's asked me to marry him (although it took him 5 years) but I'm wondering if he'll do something foolish when he meets another woman who reminds him of this obnoxious chick?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2010): My first reaction, even if she were gorgeous, would be that she's trying to play a practical joke on me...seriously, I'd immediately look around for her giggling friends with the penis cups and "bachelorette" tiaras on. Now, if we were already flirting, and I knew the scene was "safe", I'd probably shove my tongue down her throat right there and take her home for a seriously good dicking. Sexuality is attractive enough...even if she's not gorgeous. And the hips and boobs dont matter at that point, because most guys already see the final picture in their mind at that point...if you understand.
In general tho, that's just not a turn on if nothing preceeds it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2010): As you can see by the other responses most guys would see that as too full on.
I'd have to agree in the most part, but it depends on the guy. If the girl you've described met me a few years ago, when I was going through my party non-stop phase and did that, my response would have been 'prove it!'
Sad to say I probably wouldn't have wanted much more to do with her after that night though.
I like the chase too much, if I'm not made to work for it then it's just not as sweet. By all means ask guys out but the freaky, kinky stuff should, in my mind, be saved for when the deal is already sealed.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2010): Um, that's a bit full on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2010): Don't sell yourself short.
If you looking for casual sex... Great approach.
Looking for him to respect you the next morning/call you back/have a meaningful relationship... You'll never get it with that approach.
I'm all for a good romp so no judgement. But decide what you want from a guy and go from there.
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reader, thereyago +, writes (12 July 2010):
Not because the woman you describe isn't attractive,or because the situation/fantasy isn't a turn on, it would be an invasion of personal space out of the blue with no lead in so I could see jumping.
Now if you made some opening gambit, or asked to dance, or sat down and said exactly what you just wrote...that would be a turn on.
The vibe I am getting is that you don't think you are attractive and you would like to short circuit potential rejection by going for all out sex pot. The problem is that the partners you end up with will be into casual sex. You will lower your social value approching out of the blue that way. Though again it is a turn on, I just don't think it is a good introduction.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2010): Grossed out, sorry.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2010): I would be worried that the next thing I would hear is that it would cost me $250 for an hour... NO, that would NOT turn me on... I would like to get to know a woman before she tries to convince me that she's God's gift to men... also, if she's willing to do that to me (w/o knowing me) how many other places has that tongue been? And how many guys have been in her before me?
Nope, not a turn on... in fact total gross out...
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reader, redsox29 +, writes (12 July 2010):
Umm, I'd pass. A: Don't lick me if I don't know you. B: I'm not a tatoo kind of guy. C: I like aggressive women, but that's a bit much. Flat chested isn't a big deal nor are big hips. Just sounds like a slutty move and unless the guy is crazy drunk or really desperate, I'd say the majority of guys would pass. But that's just me.
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