A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been in an "off and on relationship" for 10 years with Bill. Bill and I met in college and have a tumultuous past (he always did the breaking up), but we always seemed to fall back in love with each other. The last time we got together was 2 years ago, we moved, and he proposed to me 1 year ago. My life was moving forward and I had everything I've ever wanted. We had a 2 year engagement (the wedding is now 1 year away). I met someone through work (James) who developed feelings for me, and I for him. He is in the process of getting a divorce now after meeting me. I ended my engagement, cancelled my wedding, and moved out 2 weeks ago in hopes of being with James. Now I don't know if I made the right decision. I love them both for very different reasons and I am so scared that these "which do I want's" keep coming back. I thought my decisions were definitive and I don't know what to do. I miss Bill for everything we've experienced in our lives, to the families we have. I miss James for the way he makes me feel, the intimacy that we have. Without too much detail... I need an unbiased opinion of what to do.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2010): It seems that you made up your mind the second you walked out the door. If you honestly loved Bill and wanted to marry him, you wouldn't let anything come between the two of you. To me it sounds like you let "lust" overtake "love", got caught up in this guy from work, and completely lost sight of what you had for 10 years. Emotional cheating is just as bad if not worse than physical. If you think you made the wrong decision then you need to tell Bill this, but understand that he is going to need some serious time to work this through his head. You fell in love with another guy, called off your engagement, and moved out. That's a huge blow to his ego not to mention the heartbreak he must be feeling. Give Bill some space, take some time to find yourself and what you really want, and see if you two should actually be together.
A
male
reader, der_zyniker +, writes (12 July 2010):
Well if James is divorcing his wife because he love you, don't you think that there is a good chance that he would leave you if he found someone else that he loves later. If this is the case I would stay will Bill. That isn't something that you want to throw away. But if that isn't the reason that he's getting a divorce then I don't think that I can help you. In that case you have to figure out which one you love more and who is more important to you. If you love them equally then think about why you love both of them. Think about what reasons are more important to you. In the end there is no right or wrong decision. I think someone is going to get hurt reguardless.
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