A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I haven't had a boyfriend yet, but my greatest fear is being cheated on.I guess it's because growing up my dad cheated on my mom and even went as far as to introduce me to one of his mistresses.But my greatest fear is being cheated on and hurt. I believe cheating is a choice and doesn't just happen.I know not all guys will cheat, but at the back of my mind I can't help but worry.I definitely don't want to enter into a relationship with this mentality.Any advice?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 October 2011):
 I think you are on the right track logically, but actually living it can be much harder.
I would say, take the time YOU need to get to know a guy (when you start dating) before being intimate. Talk about your morals and values and even your fears. There are no guaranties in life, but you can "improve" the odds by finding someone, who feels the same way about those issues.
And DON'T go into a relationship thinking: "Oh he is going to cheat on me!" not because it will "make" him cheat, but because it will erode any trust you have in him and yourself.
Also, DON'T go into a relationship thinking you can "fix" the other person. Let's say the guy was/is a player... No matter how awesome a person/girlfriend you are, he might not want to change.
At some point you are going to have to take a leap of faith.
Be secure in who you are and what you want.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 October 2011):
 Accept that there are things that are out of your control. Loving someone is taking a chance, you give them your heart and ask that they treat it with care. And that's al you can do. If they love you they will take great care of your heart. In return you get to hold their heart, and must be careful with it as well.
You just have to take a deep breath and trust with no guarantees. That's a huge part of what loving someone means... that you must trust them with your heart. If you hold your heart to yourself you will not be able to love them completely or give of yourself, nor will you have a chance at experiencing how great a relationship can be.
Just be careful who you give your heart to, and once it's done, you just have to lean back and hope for the best. Being skeptical of who you give your heart to isn't bad, as the naive are bound to be hurt more often. But then again you mustn't let fear control you.
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A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx  +, writes (24 October 2011):
 Well unfortunely thats life. Things like that happen in a relotionship (im not just talking about cheating) but in relotionships you have ups and downs good times and bad times, sometimes things will be perfect other times they might feel like its all going down hill.
It really is something in life thats un-avoidable, you cannot expect it all to be plain sailing. You are in the future probably going to encounter problems in relotionships and many other aspects of life.
Relotionships are all about taking risks, you have got to trust another person to not abuse your trust, it really is all about trusting the right person and knowing that this person is the one for you.
I would just try and put the thoughts of cheating to the back of your mind take risks and try and live abit on the wild side the only thing i can suggest is if this fear of being cheated on gets really really bad (to the point where you feel you can't ever be with anyone) maybe seek out counseling or even book yourself an appointment with a therapist as it sounds like most of your problem goes back to childhood.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2011): this is from my past experience....
-Make it clear that you WON'T put up with cheating.
-Dont rush into finding 'the one' either.
-The more you try smuthering him that u like him the less he will respond to you
-Always think of yourself first n how you feel about his actions
-His gotta earn your respect from the start if he wants to be with you
Dont always be available all the time in the beggining..you carry on with your life and if he wants to be apart of it he has to want u to let him be.
-Always have your guards up (ask him what he does during the week,watch if he goes out heaps,meet who he hangs around, does he let ppl infulence him? If his a phone freak) always be aware who your dating!!!!!!!!!!
-if something unusal happens DO NOT KEEP it hidden even if u were over reacting he wil be glad u told him n he wil be aware that if he does wanna muck around u will notice asap n he wil be out of ur life.
-Don't get too attached to someone straight away be prepared if it doesnt work out ..
I hope this helps u..so u can tell which guys which..the good the bad...
Ive been with my man for 7moths his my second lover... his never cheatede on me, but even til today I keep my guard up , he knows he has to respect me and if he chooses not to his out!!! im not an expert but this has helped me when i started dating again n soo far so good :)
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