A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I've been married for two years been with him total 10.5 yrs. I enjoy giving oral...he does not..he says I take too long...and has "sighed" in the middle of it once. I seem to only get oral when he's been away with work...like it's a welcome home present. he constantly asks for oral from me. In general our sex life could be better...he always finishes before me and most of the time finishes and then gets up to clean up...in the meantime, I'm there...to finish myself. He's a great husband...but with sex....I've never had an orgasim with him and I usually just use my toys when he's away from the house. anyone else have similar issues?? any kind advice??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010): Once or twice my boyfriend had to stop because I was taking too long, but that was probably after 45 minutes of being down there and he was exhausted, which I understood. Usually when I take that long I'm stressed out about something and am not really in the mood anyway. We try to do a lot of foreplay and teasing before he starts and I usually can come between 5 and 10 minutes. I strongly feel that oral sex is integral to a healthy relationship and if your husband is receiving it he needs to be giving it!
A
female
reader, SeXylOvE12 +, writes (4 January 2010):
 I also can take a while when it comes to orgasming. One thing that i have found works well is getting fingered before sex. Have your husband finger you with an upward angle (since the g-spot is in the front...and finding your spot is key to an orgasm!). It always gets me going and by the time i start having sex i've either had one orgasm or am very close to doing so. Also, if you use condoms, have your husband put it on before he fingers you so you can go straight from fingering to sex. If he refuses to finger you or give you oral he's being an inconsiderate partner and you need to talk to him about it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwow! my first question and soooo many responses! thanks to all...I really appreciate them. I'd say I'm good to go in about 20 min...I dont think it's that long! communication is the key, for sure...he's such a sexual person and highly visual...I just don't think he enjoys doing "that". I need to have another talk...I'm always the one who thinks of fun, sexy things...but I never get them in return. I hate having these conversations with him :/ thanx again!
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (11 December 2009):
 I don't know if this is too "spiteful" or not, but maybe when he's about to finish, tell him he's taking too long and go masturbate in front of him. Give him a taste of his own medicine! Maybe. Though that could possibly cause more problems. If it's "taking too long" then it's his own %$$^%$@ fault! What's the point of having sex if you aren't pleasing each other mutually? I mean honestly. Why not introduce him to the idea of him using toys on you? That should get you off faster making both of you happier.
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A
female
reader, carebare  +, writes (11 December 2009):
... It's kind of his job to make you orgasm... If it's taking "too long", it's obviously him that needs to re-think his technique...
Sorry. Men with that kind of attitude just bug me.
Maybe try giving him some direction with what you'd like him to do. And, I read this somewhere once and I thought it was really good advice: Both people do not need to orgasm every time, so make some times just about YOU. He can have his turn next time :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2009): Why don't u guys have oral sex at the same time.
It takes me about 15-20 min, that considered average, if it takes u longer than that it's on a long side, but still, u deserve to have an orgazm!!
He just needs to be more patient, but may be u should talk to sex consultant how to speed up your orgazm. There are some position that a woman reaches orgazm faster, like holding legs up or when she is on her fourth. Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2009): i think different people have been successful with different methods...and only you know your husband. Some of these would absolutely never work for me, but obviously did work for the other aunts and uncles. Therefore i think you need to think about what WILL work to make your husband aware of this need. The first thing should be talking about it. if that doesnt get the job done, then you do need to consider what will wake him up. be careful with this tho. it can go two ways. it can wake him up, or back him into a corner, and cause him to withdraw even more. i dont know the answer but you have certainly been given some things to think about. You can fit them to your situation. best of luck, mal
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2009): Just listen to the advice of women who have dealt with this problem. I also once told my husband that you just don't do it the way I like it. He was very angry and tried to punish me by being off me for a few days and coming home late, so I went and had my hair and nails done and spent a few evenings out with my friends, making sure I got in home later than him. Then one night I came home and found a trail of rose petals from the door leading to the bedroom and we have been happy ever since and its been years. There is no nice way to deal with this. He is rude to you because he thinks you don't have any options but him. That is why he only give you oral when you have been away because when you are not there he thinks about the men who might be hitting on you. So telling him off then go out and have fun. If you are not a go out with the girls type, just go the the local bookshop and browse while you have a coffee. Just don't tell him where you have been. Act like you don't even care. That will have him changing his bad attitude.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2009): don't believe all that macho talk about banning oral and threateninig him by letting other men eating you all night.
if you do that he will go off you for good.
Gina is right, you two must cooperate together to remedy this problem so that you can speed up your orgasm.
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A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (11 December 2009):
 I've been of the mindset that if he isn't willing to put in the time and effort to get you off, then he doesn't get any more favors from you.
But then again, I gave and gave to my ex without getting anything in return, so I guess I can't really talk. I've been there, and it sucks.
Still, I'd say he no longer gets to demand oral from you if he won't return it.
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A
male
reader, Beingblack  +, writes (11 December 2009):
 Your husband needs a lesson or two in patience and consideration.
I wasn't aware that foreplay and sex has a time limit. I mean, exactly how long is 'too long'?
His sole aim during sex should be YOUR pleasure, not clockwatching and getting fed up. If he needs to spend two hours on foreplay, so be it. I have little or no respect for men who cannot understand that most women have a completely different arousal mechanism to men.
Please do not get into the usual sexual battle. Some people may suggest witholding oral, if he doesn't give you any. But that is not the way to solve anything, it merely creates more bitterness and invites many more problems into the bedroom.
YOU know how quickly or slowly your body responds, and to what. You just need to explain in simple terms to him. Don't do it in the bedroom, talk sexy when you are out shopping or have gone for a meal.
Failing that, simply suggest giving him oral while at the same time he helps you use your toys.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (11 December 2009):
I don't pretend to know much about women, but I do know you have to put effort in! And your husband isn't. Too long to orgasm!!! Maybe he's just not doing it right! I agree with honeygirl. Unless he works harder, ban him from oral. He has to understand you're not just some machine, you're his wife and you need time spent on you too!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2009): Hi. Your husband sounds rather selfish. My partner became a bit too comfy with me and stopped trying to please me so i stopped having sex with him. He asked why and i told him id stopped because he was rubbish at sex. That woke him up. Try speaking very plainly to your husband. Sometimes just sighing, sulking, having a grumble doesnt work. You have to spell it out in a way he cant fail to understand.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2009): WHAT? What an asshole. I once dealt with that problem of impatience when I told my man to his face "do you know that there are men out there who really know how to fuck??? You cannot begin to know how many men out there would love nothing more than eat my pussy all night". He almost punched me and he didn't speak to me for days, but after that he was in my pussy day and night. Extreme problems call for extreme measures.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (11 December 2009):
 Hun, sorry to say but your husband is extremely inconsiderate!!Stop giving him oral if he wont recipricate!Does your husband know that he is not satisfying you - I take it you have told him?? If you havent told him then sit him down and tell him!!
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