A
female
age
36-40,
*illian
writes:8 months ago I started a new job and everyone was talking about the Rob the cute married guy that has a bitch of a wife . She would show up at our office and yell at him in front of everyone, and he just seemed to allow her to do it. Within the first week my boss put Rob and I together to do alot of projects in the upcoming months. I found out that he was 31, I am 24, that he is married to his high school sweetheart but says there is just no feelings left in their relationship, but he feels that he owes her, thats why he stays married to her. In March a bunch of us from work went to Cuba, ROb included. While there he made every chance to be alone with me then one night while we were at a bar he kissed me in front of our co workers. The rest of the trip he was super sweet to me and kept tellign me how beautiful I was and how much fun he had when he was with me. A few weeks after we returned home he showed up at my apartment with flowers and we eneded up having sex. I knew it was wrong but I let my emotions take over me. This went on for a month, then I told him we had to end things. But then I would see him at work and my emotions would take over my logical thinking and things would start right back up again. Most people at our work know about us and some have even said that he seems happy for the first time in a long time. I have tried to end our a affair so many times but I can't . Its like he is a drug to me. AS soon as I walk into work and he smiles at me and I just melt. I keep telling myself this needs to end, I have even applied for different jobs, and have refused projects at work just so I wouldnt see him everyday but nothing seems to work. 2 weeks ago I ended it AGAIN, this time I held strong and didnt just let him reel me back in. He calles me every day , I see him as soon as I wlak into work,he sends me flowers,pops by my office to see me or just makes sure he is around . And it is getting hard. I dont want to be "the other women" anymore. But it is so hard to see him and not want to run up to him and tell him how much I missed him and that I cant stand to be apart from him. I really do love him thats the problem , it isnt sex or some random hook up and I really know he loves me to. We could weeks with otu sex just hanging out. How do I get over the love of my life and move on.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009): if what he says is true about not wanting to leave his wife because he "owes her", despite not being happy in the marriage, then he is a spineless wet spaghetti noodle. is that attractive to you? i thought most women wanted a confident, self-assured man, not some papier mache mannequin who can be kicked around like some unwanted dog.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009): We always need to know the whole story, before call someone a a''bitch wife''.
I think ,all guy is happy with their low-stress lover on the workplace. It is such a cliche..
But wait, when you have to get the whole guy, the romance is over ,and all you see the real guy.
Well, I feel sorry for his wife, and for you too.
You might be the next ''bitch '' in the line...
I agree with most of the people here.. It is not ok. Get out, or get him chose.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009): as with any addiction, admiting you have a problem, and staying away from your drug is a start. you knowlingly indulged in this affair, after all his "bitch" of a wife made a scene at you office. I wonder why? has Rob been giving it to toher on the sly as well.
strange how when one spuse fucks up, the other innocent one is branded, in your case, she is a "bitch". i wonder ehy he still lives with her. is she forcing him, blackmailing him, or is he just like other men haing affairs. the dutiful wife and a mistress on the side? yiu situation is not unique. the same will happen that has happened to millions of women who think they can make a difference in their married mans life. he stays with his wife, because he wants to. he is with you, because you want him to. he is getting the best of both worlds.
"the other woman", too late, you already are. a lot of single women love married men. they know what they are getting into when they indulge in an affair. the outcome is almost always the same. nothing will come of this. a lot of other woman claim to have low self esteem. are you one of them? then maybe start working on yourself.
2 yrs down the line, you will be nothing more than a little sombody on the side for him. nothing more, nothing less. don't be too quick to jude his wife, he has proven to be distrustful, won't you say. maybe his wife knows the true Rob. which one do you know.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (15 June 2009):
 You keep saying you know better and that you let your emotions rule over your common sense. Well don't let that happen. Every time you think about the "love of your life" think about what a sleeze he is being to his wife, think about how he is using you for his own personal blow up doll, think about how down the road he will toss you aside for another piece of meat, think about how alone you will be feeling on Thanksgving, or Christmas, etc... That should help you get over the jerk.
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A
female
reader, babymama99 +, writes (15 June 2009):
 Tell him to "show you the papers", divorce papers that is. He may seem like the love of your life but right now he's the love of someone elses life. Namely his leagally wedded wife.
You don't really know why his wife was screaming at him. Maybe she found out about another woman he was messing around with.
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A
female
reader, athenas +, writes (15 June 2009):
Hey there! Well ask yourself do u really want to let him go? Cause according to ur msg it seems like you dont. What you need to do is talk to him about what is going on between you guys. Im 20 the same thing happened to me i was with my best friend but he is married and i knew that, i didnt want to be "the other girl" so what i did was i had a serious talk with him let him know what i felt for him and find out what he was feeling for me he said he loved me but that he wouldnt leave his wife. You have to ask him what he wants, you have to find out if he really wants a future with you. I mean come on people from work already know whats going on it wouldnt be shocking if the next day you guys show up together and say "were a couple now hes divorcing his wife" why? Because people notice thats hes happier with you, and even if they start talking this world always has something to say about someone. Its about you guys hes happy with you, your happy with him, let the world behind if you listen what other people say and you do what they say your never gona be happy cause your not doing what you want, what really makes you smile what really makes your heart beat. take advice but dont do them if thats not what you want. I really think you guys really need to have a talk at least let him know what your feeling instead of being like one of those girls from the novels like "oh its best if i just leave him for good" the poor man loves that girl to hell and she just left him without letting him know what she feels for him. Girl this aint a novel so just let him know whats going on. If he tells you he wont divvorce his wife, LEAVE if he tells you he will divorce her but that you have to wait, WAIT. How long up to you but just remember its not gona be easy for him. Take your shot you guys might end up together.
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A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (15 June 2009):
 You know how to tell if a guy truly loves you? He isn't with someone else while having sex with you. Haha. This guy has no respect for himself, let alone respect for you. If he can't even value something like marriage, I fail to see how he could value anything except for what is in his pants. It doesn't matter how 'miserable' his marriage is, he should have the nerve to get a divorce before cheating on someone like his wife. How do you get over it? By realizing that you have a choice in who you love and who you don't. This guy is using you and his wife. That's not fair to either of you. And it certainly isn't fair to her. I don't care how horrible one spouse is to another, nothing rationalizes affairs. You leave people you aren't happy with. You obviously aren't happy with what's going on or you wouldn't have posted this. Next time you dip your feet into the 1.5 billion potentials when it comes to dating men, try to keep some dignity and pick one that's not taken. It saves you self esteem. He's not a drug, he's your choice. The sooner you realize that you have a say in who you see (which is idiotic to think otherwise, who else has a choice in who you date?), the sooner you'll realize that you can end it easily. A man who truly loves you doesn't use you like he is now. Some cheap escape on the side.
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