A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been in this relationship with my husband since I was 17 years old. Last year we started having problems nothing too major, but big enough for me to reach out to an old friend. Long story short I broke up with my ex to be with my now husband 12 years ago. I lost touch with my ex cause he was very angry and hurt by my decision. Anywho we started talking again with the help of myspace and all these feelings started coming back for both of us. We realized we still loved each other, we ignored the feelings well at least I tried to. He eventually left the state which helped, but we continued to talk on the phone and online. he came back and we both realized that the way we felt for each other was wrong, so he took a job on the other side of the country. He came back for the holidays and we went out and one thing led to another and we ended up having sex. I deeply regret this and would never do anything like this again. My Husband does not know about this. If I tell him he would never forgive me and leave me. The problem is, I just found out that I am pregnant. With the help of the doctor it was confirmed that I conceived on Dec. 30th. thats when I had sex with my ex. I called my ex becuase I wanted to tell him but I asked him if he was at work, which he was, I told him I wanted to talk to him later..he came out and asked me if I was pregnant, I didnt answer him then he said I cant believe your gonna drop this on me while Im at work and make me sweat it out. He sounded pissed off so I just hung up. I really didnt feel like being yelled at and from his reaction I already feel bad enough and cant stop crying. He texed me and asked me what are you gonna do? I told him its my problem to deal with not yours. I know I made my bed and I have to lie in it. I just dont want anyone to get hurt. Right now I am completely alone the only people who know are my doctor, me and him. I dont want to tell my husband yet because i dont know what to do. My husband is such a good guy and i regret ever talking to my ex. I wish it didnt happen but it did and now I have to deal with it. I honestly am at a loss for words on what to do. What the hell am i supposed to say to my ex? I mean is his reaction normal? is it the hormones making me crazy? Basically I am asking for help on how to handle my ex. What a big mess I made =(
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at work, broke up, conceive, my ex, myspace Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2009): Please tell him. I was in a similar situation and the pain caused by that kind of lie is devastating and it's something you will have to live with for the rest of your life. It will not only hurt your husband, but your child, and any other family members (grandparents, any siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles...) Everyone hurts. Please tell him. He may very well choose to love and raise the child as his own, but it must be his choice, and not one based on deception. That deception destroys.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2009): If you were woman enough to have an affair on your husband, then you need to be woman enough to tell him the truth. And if he leaves you for it, so be it. Its the choice you made and the risk you ran when you decided to sleep with your ex. But for God's sake, don't lie to him about the fact that your child may not be his. He hasn't done anything to deserve that kind of treatment.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2009): You need to tell your husband as soon as you can. You cannot make your husband love a child that may not be his, and when he finds out it isn't his (and he probably will sometime in the future) it will crush him terribly and cause great psychological stress and damage.
Yes, you have made your bed and you need to tell your husband. Don't expect him to stick around, most men don't so easily raise another man's child unless they were there before they start a relationship with the mother. In your case he'll have to constantly live with the result of your betrayal everyday.
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A
female
reader, lovesalias +, writes (23 January 2009):
 the doctor can't be absolutly sure that that was the date of conception. The way the gauge is is they start your forty weeks from the First day of your last period. Did you accuratly give that date to your doctor? If that was a guestimate and you had unprotected sex with your husband as well then you really don't know who's child you are carrying. I think that you need to decide what you are going to do. Are you going to stay in your marriage or not? If not then ,( I know many will not agree with me but I am going to say it anyways and may god forgive me because everyone makes mistakes we are only human and only one perfect human ever walked this earth and his name was jesus and he paid for your sins and mine so all we need to do is ask for forgivness sincere forgiveness...ask and you shall receive right? I would not tell him what happend. If you are going to leave then leave then after about a month or so say you found out you were pregnant and you are not sure if the baby is his because on a crazy night you hooked up with your ex and one thing lead to another and say you are not telling him this to hurt him but you want to let him know the situation. ( This saves him from the hurt of you cheated on him while you were together) Not everyone will agree but if she is going to leave him anyways there is no sense in adding insult to injury. However, If you are going to stay with him and try to work through this then you need to tell him the truth that you had a one night stand with your ex, you regret it it was a foolish decision and you are willing to go through marital counceling if he still wants to be with you and tell him you are pregnant and you don't know who the babies father is. Apologize profusly and say it with as little tears as possible so he can understand all that you are saying. I am sorry this has happend but remember...you really don't know who the father is unless you did not have unprotected sex with your husband so the baby you are carring could very well belong to your husband.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2009): Do you have a personal realationship with Jesus Christ? If not, that would be the 1st thing to seek! Then, I would ask your husband to seek counseling with you. You can tell him that you have an issue that needs to be addressed and you don't know how to talk about it. remind him that you really love him and that you dont want to make matters worse. I recently went through a simalar problem myself and things with my husband and I are fine! We are still going to a counselor, but things are getting better! I will pray for you. I know this is driving you crazy! I would love to talk to you more! This could bring you and your husband closer or tear you apart, but i know if you both have Christ in your lives, things would go a lot better! Not perfect, but def. better! Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, huneygyrl +, writes (22 January 2009):
 Do you realize you were wrong once you and your ex made contact on myspace?
You have a lot to think through, carefully cause there's a lot to lose.
Yes, vows were made however, you broke them. You gotta tell your husband so he can make his decision.
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A
female
reader, ShanL +, writes (22 January 2009):
 Follow your heart on this one because even though it was wrong to sleep with your ex the man you love and loves you is your husband and remind him of the vows he took years ago "for better/worst" and that no good ex let him live his life wondering about the child he helped conceive but let your husband be the father of that child. If it was me I'd tell him because now is better and your husband will be hurt yes, but he will do it if he loves you and meant those vows, he's still gonna love, cherish and be with you.
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A
male
reader, passionatelynumb +, writes (22 January 2009):
 You need to tell him and let the chips fall where they may. When the baby arrives, make sure you get a paternity test. It still could be your husband's. Your husband doesn't deserve to raise another man's child thinking it is his own. Infidelity is abhorrent but paternity fraud is even worse. He married you with the promise that he was only yours and you were only his. You broke that vow will have to face the consequences. Keeping this a secret from him will eat you alive inside, and when the truth comes out, and it will eventually, it will crush your husband. Better tell him now, rather than later. At least the healing can begin this way.
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