A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hey, I am wondering if anyone can help me? I have been with my partner for over 10 years and we have 3 beautiful daughters but for the past few years he has been drinking heavily. I had finally had enough in the middle of 2008 when I was pregnant with our third child. I moved out with the other two girls and went to my sisters. I stayed away for 6 weeks but had to come back as there was really not enough room for us all. My partner did stop drinking for a while and admitted he had a problem but now he has started drinking again, it is only at the weekends (I think but he is good at hiding it) but he is a diabetic and this must be harming him. Please don't tell me to leave as I do love him and the kids worship him but I just don't know what to do any more.please help me.
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female
reader, Blue_Angel0316  +, writes (12 January 2009):
 I know how it can be hon. It's hard to walk away, love keeps you there. I would suggest that you talk to him and try getting him to go somewhere for help. He needs professional help. Even when he only drinks on weekends as long as he drinks heavily he can be termed as an alcoholic. Even if he stops he is an alcoholic.
I've had a few of those relationships over the last 18 years. I know how things can get. Sometimes the anger or agressive behviour, sometimes sillyness, or jealous rages. No matter what I stayed. Even when they were in recovery, they just wouldn't let it go. One of my ex's almost died from a heart attack from drinking.(alcohol poisioning) I was beaten by one(once) that was all it took for me to walk away. I have been left in places when a ride would leave me. I would have to take rides with people I didn't know so I could get home. I have been a designated driver for all those years and I always drive. Sometimes folks get mad and won't let you have the key. Sometimes they get mad and cuss at you or yell. We are putting ourselves in danger and in a bad position just because we care.
I am sorry that you have to deal with this. If you can talk him into getting help, perhaps you can attend some meetings with him. You will be a part of his SUPPORT to help him change his habits to those more positive. There should be facilities in your Country that help in this kind of situation. I want you to know that even though you love him, you may have to leave in order to make him get help. I truely hope it doesn't come to this.
Mental health facilities are a good start. Check also for places that work with people with Alochol or drug problems. They are strong resources for help. Let him know how it's affecting you , appeal to his good nature. Whatever you do remember that you aren't the only one being affected here. Not only is your marriage relationship at stake but your THREE LITTLE ANGELS ARE BEING AFFECTED HERE TOO!
These precious girls can't make any decisions for themselves so you have to be strong enough to choose the right things for their safety and well being. The longer they stay in a home, living under these conditions the worse off they will be. The more harm they will suffer, emotionally and mentally. I pray that physically neither of you suffer. Please seek help for yourself also so you can learn to cope with your circumstances. It will make a big difference as to how you deal with everything concerned.
PRAY WITHOUT CEASE, HAVE FAITH that GOD CAN CHANGE THINGS. EVEN IF THE CHANGE DOESN'T KEEP YOUR HUSBAND WITH YOU, TRUST THAT WHATEVER THE OUTCOME IS, YOU AND YOUR GIRLS WILL BE BETTER OFF FOR IT.
I wish you my best and my prayers are with you and your family. I pray that things will turn around and you can have the happy family that God intended.
God bless,
Blue_Angel
^(**)^
A
female
reader, cherrysundae19 +, writes (12 January 2009):
You are looking for advice to this question that you posted, but you write "don't tell me to leave." This topic hits right at home for me. I'm going to tell you for the sake of your 3 children, you need to leave. Yes you love him and your children love their father, but is that really what you want your 3 children to grow up around?? When I was in elementary school I had to watch my alcoholic father literally beat my mom up daily, hold a knife to her throat in the kitchen screaming for me to come and watch, he would break things constantly...but thats just the beginning. I could go on for days with all the stuff I saw him do. You need to be a strong woman for your children and not be selfish by keeping them in that environment. Yeah you say he only drinks on the weekends, well thats a lie he most likely is drinking on a daily basis. It took my mom over 16 years to realize she needed to leave him. She had him in and out of half way homes and we would all go to AA meetings, but he never changed his ways. It was like a month or so being sober and then back to the bottle. Alcoholism is a disease that needs to be treated. Don't let your children grow up seeing what I had to see daily, do something about it now so you wont regret it later on in life. Your children can still have a relationship with there dad, but you may need to monitor the visits. My parents divorced when I was 10. I hated my dad because of everything I saw. I didn't see him till age 20. I probably talked to him a hand full of times and I regret that, cause I finally decided at age 20 to forgive him and have a relationship with him. But one week after finally going to see him he was killed in a car accident by a drunk driver (how ironic). What my point is don't bring your children up around him when he is abusing alcohol, they will hate you for it and end up hating him for making them watch all the horrible things that come from alcohol like I did. Be strong, I know you know what the right thing to do is.....
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (12 January 2009):
 I truly believe your partner wants to stop drinking, he just doesn't know HOW! My advice is for him to get to an AA meeting where he will meet people with the same problems as he has and he will get lots of help and encouragement to stop drinking.
You need to tell your kids that daddy is sick at the moment because alcoholism IS an illness. Let them know that daddy can't always help the way he is but he still loves them very much. In the meantime I would advise YOU to go to a meeting at Al Anon. Phone them up to find out where your nearest group in your area is. (Tel: 020 7403 0888) Al Anon is a weekly meeting that helps support families or family members who have been affected by other people's drinking or who live with alcoholism within the family circle. The meetings are completely free and confidential. Check the link below for your nearest Al Anon group. You won't regret it!
http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/
~Eve~
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