A
female
age
30-35,
*ofu
writes:Hi guys,I'll try keep this short. I'm a 19 year old Asian girl who just moved to another state because my mother found out she had cancer. It was a rushed move and the doctor confirmed that it wasn't even 'true cancer' to start with (meaning she'll be okay after some light treatment). Because of that, my sister and I have to leave everything behind and start again..Last year, was the best year of my life because for once I was free from my very restrictive and unreasonable mother (went to uni in a different place), I found a boyfriend who I love very much.We are now living with my 2 aunts and uncle..and they've been very strict on me (I have a curfew of 2:30pm..) and they won't let me visit my boyfriend either. They nag me a lot and I find myself just sleeping late and waking up late to avoid seeing them as much as possibleI have a flight booked in a few days because I've been isolating myself and just feeling down for the last few months. I plan to leave without telling my mum, but just before the flight, I'll call her and let her know everything so she won't worry. I've tried talking to her before, but it ends in her screaming at me..I feel like a terrible person for doing this and I'm really scared. But I think I really need to clear my mind before I start uni again. I'm doing a new course because last year I didn't do so well (mother made me do a course I didn't like).My dad's also depressed because he works so far away from us for 6 years now... and I don't think he loves us anymore.Does doing this make me a bad person? I just feel guilty because my dad works so hard, and my mum's 'sick' as well.Thanks guys
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female
reader, lmao1989  +, writes (1 March 2013):
 Not at all you're doing what you want to do and rightly so because your're 19 years of age now you should have your own independence.
I know in cultures there are different things but sometimes getting away from it all is the right move.
You're obviously experiencing a lot right now in your life and you do need time and space to help yourself gather together and then to move forward.
Chin up!!
A
female
reader, ihavetoomanythoughts +, writes (1 March 2013):
 Hi there again :) I'm glad you decided to go through with this! No, this doesn't make you a bad person. If you had stayed instead, you would have forced yourself to go into seclusion for longer and longer periods of time, and that would probably have the same effect as moving away anyway! I wish you all the best in your move and remember! Try to keep in contact with them even though they may refuse to speak to you at first!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2013): No it doesn't make you a bad person. I know culturally you're supposed to stick very close to your family no matter how bad things get for you because of that. But your family would benefit a lot more from having you go live free, independent and create a good life and career for yourself.
You're doing what you have to do, you're the next generation of your family and you have to go into the world and live it your way.
OP a life lived in fear of upsetting people is no life at all. Go do what you know is best for you, it will work out and when your family see you happy and successful they'll look past their own views.
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A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (1 March 2013):
 Tough call. I believe it's better to do what will make you happy. The people who love you ultimately want your happiness. If they get mad it is for their own selfish reasons.
Now, if you are needed to help your mom through the treatments, that's a different story. You'd be abandoning family in need, however that does not seem to be the case here.
My vote is to get on that plane. I'd call after you land at your destination instead of before you board though. Whatever you do, you'll likely be dealing with upsetting someone. From what you said, it would be best for you to leave.
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