A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, this is a post for the ladies (guys can def help too).I'm a guy and have been meeting the odd female here and there but I never actually get a formal relationship out of any of them.So I have been thinking of what may be the problem. It is of my perception that the following is true for me or are just questions.The guy always pays on first date. Indian food is a bad idea as first dinner dates, too garlicy spicey etc. She may well say yes but that means she already has an excuse for not dating the second time round.Never make excessively over amount of eye contact. This could freak her out?Never wear collogne/aftershave on first date. Wouldn't need especially since having shower before meeting.Can literally ANY topic be used in a conversation? Are certain subjects excluded from this eg politics? past boyfriends/exes? or sex?Drive first time or take public transport prior to meeting up?Shirts or jumpers?These are just a few. Surely there are more but I'm fed up of thinking and forgetting about them every time something pops in my head. I want to settle finally.Anyway, thank you in advance. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (24 May 2012):
 All the best, OP!! Have fun!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2012): I would like to thank you all. Seems like its an open ended type. No specific techniques, qualities, or games necessary. It's you and your luck. And logic. He who asks a person out, pays.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (23 May 2012):
 Maverick maybe it's our ages? I'm 52 and I agree with Cindy totally.
he who asks (or she) pays... if it's a date
if it's friends who go regularly saying "hey let's go to dinner" we split it... or we take turns treating...
I was raised that
boys ask you out
boys pay
you don't have to sleep with them if they buy you dinner.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (23 May 2012):
Thanks for the interesting answer, Cindy. Just to be sure, my post in reply to yours was indeed just my opinion and POV, not me pointing out "you're wrong" or anything like that.
I was raised while my family was in a relatively poor situation, which made them view all their expenses as an investment of sorts, including gifts. It was so bad in that respect that my dad gave his siblings an amount of money for their b-day and always got the same amount back for his. All because if one amount was bigger the other party felt like they had to make up for it. (which makes it pointless haha.
From that POV it feels weird for me accepting such a treat (a wholly paid night's out) from a stranger, even if it's not that expensive and a date. I have less problems with it when it comes from friends, because I know them and treat them on things as well. But in the end I always strive for around 50/50 because I don't want to be an investment.
When I buy a gift for someone, I don't view it the way my parents and siblings do, but I've met enough people that thought they could 'buy' me. So better safe than sorry I guess, haha.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 May 2012):
 Points of view, Maverick 494. I can't say oh no you are WRONG. Only that what feels weird and uncomfortable to you, sounds normal and comfortable to me ,for the reasons I just explained in my previous post . Also, etiquette and customs are never neutral, they are heavily influenced by culture, times, societies and places- so I won't apologize for being comfortable with what I ( and a few millions of other women, at least in Europe ) have always seen being done around me.
You raise an interesting point, - that our attitude toward money and material goods, their use, their MEANING strongly shapes our social and personal relationships . Economy is our history, in a way - and money ( or free dinners ) are just symbols or metaphores for what we think about the world , and ourselves.
For instance, yes, I had no problem in inviting people out and paying for them , - same as, ( much more often, true ) - I never had a problem or felt uncomfortable having somebody pay for my meal or drinks.
I am an " easy comes easy goes, you can't bring it with you " kind of person,-IMO, if this is a kind, gentle tradition that shows appreciation AND ,after all, does not cost a fortune, why bother fighting against it. Obviously this does not come from any moral superiority of mine ,- it probably comes from the fact that, while I have had fatter years and leaner years, and I am far from rich, I never had to struggle for money . To me it feels NORMAL that people will WISH to spend some of their money just to be nice - for personal, or social, " niceties " , it's a regular voice of the budget. (Very burgeois, probably. So shoot us :)
As for feeling " obliged " or that you " owe " them because they bought you dinner- ah that's why I love DC. You really get an education, you get to know new mental worlds without moving from your chair.
Would you believe that a similar idea has never remotely crossed my mind ? Why would I owe anything ( except than a polite, sincere "thank you " ) to someone who bought me a meal ? Owing like what, a second date, a kiss ,or a making up session, or ...?
Look, a meal for one in a pizza place here costs about 15 euros ( you do the conversion in USD, please ). In a regular restaurant, around 30 or 35 . In a super extra fancy place, maybe 70-80.
Even going all out ,with oysters and caviar and what-have-you- it's still less than 100 bucks !. And would I owe claim to any part of my body- or just of my mind, time, LIFE - for less than 100 bucks ?... Heck no. If I were in the business of selling myself, I would cost more. And you would too, I am totally sure !
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (23 May 2012):
Funny Cindy, I've never thought about it that way even though I'm a woman. I always found "the guy pays on 1st date" thing to be a weird custom and I don't really care for it to be honest. Since guys already do most of the asking out, it would be unfair to expect them to also pay for the whole thing. That way, all the effort comes from their side while it should be from both.
Even on birthdays, where the one who is hosting the party pays for all the drinks, food, etc. atleast they get something in return in the form of presents and such.
When I ask friends to go a night out with me, I don't pay for all their drinks. I just don't see why the person taking the initiative should pay for everything.
Also, and I guess this is something from my past, whenever someone offers to pay something for me I feel like I owe them. I don't like to owe strangers anything. But I guess that has to do with my parents, who whenever they bought me something, used it against me when we had an argument.
Anyway, I always viewed it as a double standard. I don't see any women taking the initiative in dating AND paying the whole dinner bill.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (22 May 2012):
So, Cerberus, do you get a real thrill out of debating things passionately ? Don't tell me, what a surprise;... who could have believed that,lol.
( The Armani Code IS rather a surprise- lovely scent, one of my favourites, but... a bit metrosexual perhaps ?:) )
It won't be much of a passionate debate this time, since I agree with you on most points. But I want to stress out something :
Who pays on the first date - it's not a matter of feminism or machoism, or who earns more ( albeit , maybe it's a generational thing for me, but I don't think that a man who wants to offer a woman something every now and then - if he can afford it - is committing any anti- feminist crime or buying the girl 's time and attention , it's just a way to show her she is appreciated and that you do for her things that you normally don't do for ALL the women you know ).
It's just , who invites pays, at least for the first time. ( And as far as I have seen,it goes this way in your country too, they are hospitable people ). Like, even if you call to your place the new GUY at the office to kill a couple of sixpacks and watch some football, I bet you don't tell him, now you owe me X for beer. If then it becomes a weekly habit,... it's normal that you take turns in offering , or split the costs.
" The guy pays on a first date " is shorthand for the-person-who-asks- another- out- for- a- date , it's " the guy " because still it's much more common guys asking out girls than viceversa, and because it sounds like the OP wants to ask girls out rather than waiting for being asked out .
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 May 2012):
 Don't get hung up on rules. Be casual and meet her on a level where you feel comfortable. After all, you want to find someone who will like you for you, not someone who you need to buy expensive things to impress.
I found that a guy makes a much better impression when he doesn't try too hard, is casual and easy-going, and that we enjoy each others company really. What shirt and cologne he wears really doesn't matter. And I love Indian-food, so not sure why you say that's a no-no for a date?
If you want to make it feel more like a date then pay for dinner/coffee/whatever it is you do. That way it becomes a date, as opposed to two friends hanging out.
Ultimately, either you "click" and have chemistry, or you don't. You can't force chemistry, either it's there or it's not. You can wear the worst outfit and go to the crappiest place and have the worst date ever, but if you and her have chemistry none of that will matter, you'll still be interested in getting to know each other better and hang out more.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2012): 1. Yeah that's the custom, we're still supposed to buy women's attention and respect, guys who don't are considered cheap or not gentlemen. But personally I stopped doing that a long time ago, if I want to pay for a woman then prostitutes are cheaper and less demanding than women who think they need me to pay (I've never gone with a prostitute, the principle is the same).
I've actually had far better relationships and dates with the women who paid half because they believe in being equals and actually from the start believe in giving as much as they receive in a relationship, a great sign.
But for someone as indecisive as you I'd pay, it's easier to buy a woman because some think that's a sign of being of gentleman for some crazy reason. I prefer women who can take care of themselves and ones who want you to pay can't. They can say they can all they want, then why don't they pay half? Tradition? Gentleman? Funny because that custom dates back to a time when women had no access to their own income, we essentially owned the, now they have they still want to keep that? That's not equality that special treatment. Not my type of girl.
2. The food depends on personal taste but if Indian makes you fart a lot, then it's a no.
3. Eye contact when you talk, and if you're looking into her eyes and she looks up and catches you, smile and look at something else.
4. Do wear cologne on the first date. Not overpowering as the ladies before me said, but have one cologne which is your signature. Armani code is mine. The idea behind a signature smell OP is that when she passes guys wearing the same one or shares a lift with them it will remind her of you. I had an awesome trick when I was casually dating a lot and sleeping around. I used to wear old school aftershaves like old spice because it reminded girls of their fathers hehe. It worked a treat because just my scent gave them an attraction to me because it was a smell they'd grown up with that their daddy used to wear. They loved it.
5. Politics, religion, sex, exes are all no-go areas in general. But like the paying thing I want a girlfriend with similar interests and I love debating politics and religion so I will talk about those things and gauge a girls ability to have a fiery debate. I have no time for overly sensitive girls who can't have a heated discussion about things without being freaked out or upset. I get a real thrill from debating things passionately if the girl I'm with can't give me that then what's the point in a second date?
If she mentions an ex even once on a first date, she doesn't get a second. I've no time for people hung up on their exes and no time to discover that later on.
6. If you can you're supposed to arrange transport, again like the paying thing it's a tool to impress women. But again I approach things differently I tell the girl where and when to meet and she has to make the effort to come and see me. If that's too difficult for her or makes her think less of me then she's obviously not interested enough and I won't waste my time with her.
Look independence and the ability to stand on her own two feet is very important to me, I don't want a girl that can't pay for herself, that can't travel to meet me on her own or thinks that disagreeing on subject like politics is too emotionally taxing and upsetting for her.
I like non-traditional women, ones who don't have these weird "customs" and expectations. I like open minded, strong willed women who like to live their lives independently and aren't easily led by tradition or media conceptions of how guys are supposed to act. So I date to fulfil those needs and I've 20 years experience doing this and dates/sex partner/girlfriend count well into the triple digits so I've honed my technique.
The shirts or t-shirts thing is another I really don't care for. I only wear shirts when teaching it's my work uniform. In every other respect I wear casual/formal, a skin tight t-shirt to show off my physique and a nice pair of jeans.
Again if a girl I'm dating wants one of those generic shirted drones who slicks back his hair into little spikes and wears blue stripy shirts then she can go find a generic guy. The guy who does all the "traditional" standard boring ass things.
Look if you're just starting up and getting into this whole thing, stop thinking and just do it. Don't beat yourself up for not doing something "right" remember the keepers are the ones that can look past these little things and don't care to be so strict about tradition. Girls who demand such things on the first date are usually chores and far too much work. Trust me I've dated loads and the vast majority of girls who want a guy in a shirt who pays are a waste of time but you're better off doing that and discovering what you like. Perhaps you want to be like every other shirted, "gentleman" drone and get a "typical" generic woman.
Just stop taking it so seriously. Even when things go wrong on a dates I enjoy myself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2012): I think - don't over think everything! I fell for my partner because he was just himself, always!
If you feel comfortable and are not worrying if you're having the right or wrong conversation then you will be focusing more on each other. My partner can always make me laugh about something and even if it's at his expense he'll laugh along. My point is don't be afraid to get things wrong and if you do just laugh it off!
If you're with the right, like-minded person then being natural will come easily and just enjoy every date without worrying if there will be another.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 May 2012):
I think the person that asks for the date should pay. Usually this is the guy. IF the girl asks, then she should be prepared to pay but I think the guy should at least OFFER (and mean it)
Indian food if you both like it is fine for a first date but give the young lady the option for something else as she may not like Indian food. If she says yes it may mean that she LIKES Indian food nothing more… it has no bearing on if she wants a second date or not… I mean how could she know yet?
DO NOT STARE at her but eye contact is good… focus on your date… not other people in the room… do not stare or be intense…
If you wear cologne or after shave please be subtle with it. Personally a man who smells fresh and clean is fine but a man with a signature scent is a wonderful thing as long as it’s not overpowering… of course if you are concerned that she has allergies or sensitivities by all means ask if it’s a problem.
I would avoid topics such as sex, old relationships, bad issues at work or school or with family. Normally also a good idea to stay away from politics and religion unless they are passions of yours and hers… here it is an election year so politics are really big in the news right now.
If you know her and have not met online or randomly (i.e. if a friend introduced you or you work together or attend classes together) then by all means offer to pick her up… otherwise meet her as it’s a security issue for many women. You could ask her if she would LIKE you to pick her up… that would be nice.
Shirts are nice… Jumpers (sweaters for us Americans) are nice if they are subtle… but then you would have a shirt under it too right… a collared button down shirt??
Hold her chair out for her
Help her on with her coat
Do not forget to THANK her for a lovely evening
DO not say you will call if you don’t plan to.
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A
female
reader, agneeman  +, writes (22 May 2012):
 lol! You are over thinking this waaay too much... That right there is your problem. Let me ask you a question. What letter does a womans name start with? Silly question right? Womens name start with every letter of the alphabet because each woman is (drum roll please...) DIFFERENT.Sorry dude. You can't study "women" because you dont want to date "women" or marry "women". You want to settle down with one woman, and she's the only one you need to study.Heres the thing trying to find the "combination" to one woman is hard enough... There is no way you'll find the "formula" to all of us... For example, I would LOVE it if a man brought up his faith on the first date, because faith is very important to me, and I am not wasting my time on a Godless man, the next girl would find that forward.I would like Indian food, the next girl would might not. I find it sexy and masculine when a man pays for all the dtes. I'd be really offended if some dude who didnt know me that well didnt foot the bill, but I would let a friend get away with it. How ever, when I was younger I loved paying because it was a way of proving my independance.Sorry buddy, there are no hard and fast rules to us girls, we are as varied as our names... So how do you find out? Well its very simple really, ask... So Jane, what do you think about Indian food? So, what do you do over the weekend? (her answer will give you a clue as to as to her view on religion... If the words "church" or "synogogue" dont come up, drop it..)So, Mary, I bet a lot of guys are knocking your door down... If she says "I'm not comfortable talking about this" all you say is, "I'm sorry, I didnt mean to make you uncomfortable, I''m just trying to get to know you...."There is no woman in the world who doesnt like to be asked about herself, and who woukdnt like for you to get to know her..Heres the thing... This might surprise you, but we are not machines, or pets... We dont have "One size fits all" characteristics. We are very different but all we want, just like you, is some one who will take the time to get to know us, and care about what matters to us most. we are really not that different from your buddies, except that we're prettier, slightly more sensitive and we dont find farting funny (well most of us anyway)As for me, I've never had a succesful relationship with some one who was not willing to be my friend first.Just remember, you're the persuer... If there are no second dates, maybe its because you're not taking the lead? Man up and take charge.... That will make you irresistable
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (22 May 2012):
1)Yes, the guy pays on a first date. If she is a well behaved girl, though, she'll offer to split the bill ( knowing that you are supposed to say : no way ! ) or to pay for desserts, or for after dinner drinks ( that, you can let her do it ).
2) Indian food- personally I'd have no problem, I love Indian food. But offer her an alternative or two " Do you like Indian food, or would you prefer X or Y ?".
3 ) Eye contact. Yes, never make extremely over amount of eye contact with anybody, not just first dates. You don't want to stare people down- unless it's a confrontation.
4 ) No cologne ? Says who ?
I think everybody loves a man who smells good. Just, don't drench yourself with it .
5) topics. yes, avoid all the topics you mentioned. keep conversation light and breezy, not too intense . All the stuff you mention is private and personal, some people don't have a problem discussing it with semi-strangers, but some do.
6 ) Transportation. Ask her. She may like being picked up at home, or getting a ride back- then again, she might want to have independent transportation, in case the date is not too succesful .
7 ) Shirt or jumper. Whatever you feel more comfortable and normal with. I'd say shirt, because chances are that the girl will have dressed up a bit for going out, then again if you normally wear sweaters, you don't want to look and act like a 10 y.o. boy all dressed up for his First Communion.
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (22 May 2012):
1)Yes, the guy pays on a first date. If she is a well behaved girl, though, she'll offer to split the bill ( knowing that you are supposed to say : no way ! ) or to pay for desserts, or for after dinner drinks ( that, you can let her do it ).
2) Indian food- personally I'd have no problem, I love Indian food. But offer her an alternative or two " Do you like Indian food, or would you prefer X or Y ?".
3 ) Eye contact. Yes, never make extremely over amount of eye contact with anybody, not just first dates. You don't want to stare people down- unless it's a confrontation.
4 ) No cologne ? Says who ?
I think everybody loves a man who smells good. Just, don't drench yourself with it .
5) topics. yes, avoid all the topics you mentioned. keep conversation light and breezy, not too intense . All the stuff you mention is private and personal, some people don't have a problem discussing it with semi-strangers, but some do.
6 ) Transportation. Ask her. She may like being picked up at home, or getting a ride back- then again, she might want to have independent transportation, in case the date is not too succesful .
7 ) Shirt or jumper. Whatever you feel more comfortable and normal with. I'd say shirt, because chances are that the girl will have dressed up a bit for going out, then again if you normally wear sweaters, you don't want to look and act like a 10 y.o. boy all dressed up for his First Communion.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (22 May 2012):
Here are my thoughts on what you put up:
#1.The guy always pays on first date.
While it's nice, paying the full sum can be pretty expensive and being a very self reliant woman it would make me uncomfortable if a guy did this for me. I always try to contribute 50%. Basic rule of the thumb: only pay if you can easily afford it 3 times over (and if you want to), but if you're in a tight spot, make it 50/50. Never feel less for asking that either. It's such a double standard that men have to pay the whole sum in a world where women claim to want equality.
#2. Indian food is a bad idea as first dinner dates, too garlicy spicey etc. She may well say yes but that means she already has an excuse for not dating the second time round.
I can only speak for myself, but I would not be bothered at all if a guy proposed to eat Indian food on a first date. I like eating dishes from different countries and cultures and it's the difference that makes it exciting. If a girl dumps you for a bad food choice and she didn't have the backbone to tell you upfront she doesn't like that kind of food, she isn't worth your time anyway.
#3. Never make excessively over amount of eye contact. This could freak her out?
Well the word excessive says it all, doesn't it? Excessive is never good. Just do what you're comfortable with and don't stare.
#4. Never wear collogne/aftershave on first date. Wouldn't need especially since having shower before meeting.
Not true. If you know what smells good on you, it can actually be a turn on. Just don't overdo it. Spray on a little and you're good. A faint smell is always better than an overpowering one. If you're not sure, consult female friends and family members.
#5. Can literally ANY topic be used in a conversation? Are certain subjects excluded from this eg politics? past boyfriends/exes? or sex?
For first dates it's best to steer clear from sensitive, private material. Remember, you're just getting to know each other. Politics, relationship history, your past, etc. is not relevant because you're strangers to each other. Opinions about that come in much later. Talk about hobbies, travels, ambitions, etc. Pick positive, safe subjects. If the relationship evolves, you can always make it more complicated.
#6. Drive first time or take public transport prior to meeting up?
Doesn't matter to me. I'm game either way.
#7. Shirts or jumpers?
Both are good. When picking jumpers, just watch the color combinations. Sometimes I see guys in these overly colorful, striped things and it just doesn't look good.
As for the settling deal, dude you're still young! You got your entire life to be settled and married and trust me, once you make that step and add kids into the mix, you're going to be stuck for quite a while. So take your time making sure you get the right person.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2012): pinktopaz answers are !!!!Identical!!!! to what I would have said as well; and, I also wish you well and someone you can have a long good relationship with soon.
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A
female
reader, Read-the-signs +, writes (22 May 2012):
All the factors you list are actually not that important. Wearing a shirt/jumper isn't going to be the thing that ruins it, and neither is turning up on a bus instead of a car or wearing/not wearing aftershave.The conversation thing is an issue. Definitely steer clear of very personal subjects.I think that you have to pick someone to date who you feel the right kind of connection with, and have that chemistry between you. Then things will just tick along naturally and all those small unimportant details wouldn't matter at all. When you find someone who you feel relaxed with and can be yourself, then it is likely to progress to a relationship.Good luck to you.
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female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth +, writes (22 May 2012):
'The guy always pays on first date.'Usually, yes. Unless the girl asked him out. 'Indian food is a bad idea as first dinner dates, too garlicy spicey etc. She may well say yes but that means she already has an excuse for not dating the second time round.'Depends on what you order. What passes off as Indian food in the West is usually Punjabi food. India has 28 states with different cuisines. If you want to go easy on the garlic, try Bengali cuisine (state of West Bengal). But I doubt it would be available in the US. It obviously isn't an issue here (I live in India). 'Never make excessively over amount of eye contact. This could freak her out?'But don't avoid eye contact either. That sends out signals of unreliability and lack of interest. Make eye contact but don't let it last too long.'Never wear collogne/aftershave on first date. Wouldn't need especially since having shower before meeting.'Do wear an aftershave. Just nothing too strong.'Can literally ANY topic be used in a conversation? Are certain subjects excluded from this eg politics? past boyfriends/exes? or sex?'Depends on the woman. If politics and religion is excluded from conversation, I wouldn't know what to talk about, really. But I don't expect all women are as politically inclined as I am. It helps to have an idea of which part of political spectrum she belongs to, in case you do intend to talk politics. Talking about travelling or books is always a safe option.'Drive first time or take public transport prior to meeting up?'Best to pick her up if you can. And even if the date doesn't go too well, offer to drop her back. Just don't abandon her. 'Shirts or jumpers?'Shirts.
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A
male
reader, jasonvpn +, writes (22 May 2012):
I'm a guy and have been meeting the odd female here and there but I never actually get a formal relationship out of any of them.So your goal is to get a formal relationship. So I have been thinking of what may be the problem. It is of my perception that the following is true for me or are just questions.You are wondering if any of these beliefs you hold are stopping these girls that you meet from becoming your formal girlfriends.The guy always pays on first date. Definitely a yes. Forget what anyone else may ever tell you. This is true. Always pay on the first date, even if you decide by the end of it that you dont like her. Being a gentleman will pay off. Lets not even dispute that. Indian food is a bad idea as first dinner dates, too garlicy spicey etc. She may well say yes but that means she already has an excuse for not dating the second time round.Indian food probably not an issue. But if you want to take the food out of the equation then just do something standard like pasta. Never make excessively over amount of eye contact. This could freak her out?Not sure about this one. Never wear cologne/aftershave on first date. Wouldn't need especially since having shower before meeting.Try a cologne scented deoderant. This way the smell isnt too strong, but its definitely there, and it lasts longer. A pricey example of this is the Armani Black Code deoderant. But I've found that a good old Old Spice deoderant will do the trick. Bottomline, as long as you dont smell bad, smell will not be a dealbreaker in forming a serious relationship. Can literally ANY topic be used in a conversation? Are certain subjects excluded from this eg politics? past boyfriends/exes? or sex?Of course not. Play this one by ear, but I usually stick to hobbies AND food. Make sure you have some good jokes you can throw in there as well. Write em up ahead of time if you have to. Drive first time or take public transport prior to meeting up?Should not make a difference.Shirts or jumpers?Look nice, and dress to fit the occaision. If you're going to a nice restaurant, wear something nice. If you're going to a rock concert, make sure you still look alright, and more importantly, that you're wearing your deoderant. These are just a few. Hope some of this was helpful. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (22 May 2012):
The guy always pays on first date.
-Yes, I think it's nice for the guy to pay for the first date, especially if he asked her out. However, it is nice if she offers to help pay half or at least the tip, but it shouldn't necessarily be expected that she do so.
Indian food is a bad idea as first dinner dates, too garlicy spicey etc. She may well say yes but that means she already has an excuse for not dating the second time round.
-I don't think it's a bad suggestion. She may very well like Indian food. If she doesn't, I don't think it will turn her off to a second date. BUT, if she doesn't like Indian food, then she should speak up and offer another suggestion. I like sushi, but not on a first date. Eating it is awkward in front of someone you don't really know. Ask her what kind of food she likes and then make suggestions. I think a lot of women don't like just being asked "where would you like to go?" I feel it puts too much pressure on me and I kind of like it when the guy chooses or at least throws some options out there.
Never make excessively over amount of eye contact. This could freak her out?
-I agree. Some eye contact is good, but don't overdo it. It can come off as "weird."
Never wear collogne/aftershave on first date. Wouldn't need especially since having shower before meeting.
-I disagree. I like when a guy wears a nice smelling cologne. As long as he didn't bathe in it.
Can literally ANY topic be used in a conversation? Are certain subjects excluded from this eg politics? past boyfriends/exes? or sex?
-Right, don't speak of any of that. Politics and religion can stir people up if they don't share the same view point. Ex boyfriends and sex is just where you don't want to go at all during the first few dates. Keep the conversation light. Talk less about yourself and ask about them (she should be doing the same, people always like to talk about themselves).
Drive first time or take public transport prior to meeting up?
You can ask her what she's comfortable with. If you already kind of know the girl then I don't think it's bad to offer to pick her up...but then again, if the date doesn't go too well, then you have your own cars to leave. If you don't know her that well, give her the option. I like when guys ask, because although I like that they might want to pick me up, I would rather have my own mode of transporation to get out of there if need be.
Shirts or jumpers?
-Wish I could help you with that one. I know what shirts are...but no idea what jumpers are.
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