A
female
age
36-40,
*.Babee
writes:I'm a 23 year old female and I am pregnant. Doesn't seem like a big deal but the guy that I'm pregnant by doesn't want me to have to baby because he says we should wait and because he's not ready. He has tried EVERYTHING to make me have a abortion: telling me that he lost his job, is failing out of college, and promised his mom(after they recently found out his dad has a 1year old child with another woman)he would finish school first before he got anyone pregnant. Over these past few months he has put a lot of pressure on me to get the abortion. My family is happy but he is not. How can I get him to accept this as a mistake and keep the baby without hating and totally disappearing out of our lives?
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female
reader, Tristezza +, writes (31 October 2008):
if you want to keep your baby, you keep that baby. Forget him and what he wants. I got pregnant at 15 and had my son in October 1995.I chose to give him to a family for many reason and it was hell on me. It almost killed me and the pain and grief doesn't go away . It changes but its never gone. I had an abortion a few years ago after having a traumatic miscarriage the year before. My daughter died in my womb but there were no signs of fetal death at all. I had to carry my dead baby for 3 days knowing she was dead before I could have the surgery to remove her. When I got pregnant months later I had health problems and a drug problem and I was too weak to go through pregnancy again. I regret having the abortion just as part of me regrets giving up my son 13 years ago. I guess my point is that if you have the desire to have this beautiful baby then you should do that. I gave you all my pregnancy history because I want to show you that this is something that only you can decide. Don't make such a sacrifice only to make some irresponsible selfish man happy-he's not worth that. Your heart is going to be the guiding voice you need for this-nobody else. This is your body, Your baby and Your decision. So if you have pride, joy, regrets, anger, or loss due to your decision, at least you'll know that you made it. Don't ever do anything you don't want to do to make a man happy-especially something huge and painful like having an abortion. He has no idea of the magnitude of what he's asking you to do. Men are dumb and self-centered like that. LOTS OF LUCK!!!!!!! *XOXOXO*
A
male
reader, Jay86  +, writes (20 September 2008):
I see a lot of comments on here from women who are obviously feminist who do not know what they are talking about. I see the women always say " he got you pregnant,because he didnt wear a condom" now this is both at fault, not only the man. The women can also decide not to have sex with a person that doesnt wear a condom.. it is not the mans fault, it is both at fault.
There are many guys like me who rather only do oral, and my girlfriend loves sex WITHOUT a condom, I tell her not without a condom and she doesnt like it as much. Yes I understand the the women has to carry the kid for 9 months and what not, and its her body.. but it is also the mans sperm.. so it is not only the women that should get the decision, they should both decide, and if a decision can not be done If the women wants to keep the baby and the man wants to leave, then they should both do what they want, go differnt ways. The man can not force the women to abort the child nor the women can not force the man to stay for the child.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (19 March 2008):
 If he wants to disappear , baby or no baby , he will be gone.
What if you give up the baby and he finds another reason to be gone?
What then?
Life is full of uncertainties but your baby is very certain.
Better you be happy and others unhappy ,
than you unhappy and others happy!
If you are unhappy , that is your problem not mine.
Why should you sell your baby for a cheap skate who cannot
even be responsible for a baby , let alone an adult like you?
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A
female
reader, lilmisse2424 +, writes (19 March 2008):
 I wouldn't let him force you to have an abortion when you want to have the baby. If he wasn't ready, he should have used a condom when he was having sex with you, but since he didn't, he should accept that he is going to have a child with you. Besides, if you get the abortion, it is you, not him, that will be in pain. The fact that he wants an abortion because he is not ready shows a great deal of immaturity. If he is not willing to help you with the child, he is just a waste of your time. It also seems like your family is willing to welcome the baby, so have them support you and help you raise the child.This is your choice. Whatever you decide, it is your life. If you abort the baby, you may regret having a child and you will also be destroying the life of a baby as well, but the choice is yours. Good luck!!!!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (18 March 2008):
 It is absolutely clear that you want to keep the baby. You're not asking whether you should have an abortion; your question is how to convince him not to want one. Well, if you want to have the baby, there's nothing he can do, other than run away from his responsibility. That will make keeping the baby tought, but not wrong, in my opinion. I don't think a baby should die because his father is irresponsible.
I'm with Lazy Guy. You will have the abortion so he will have an easier life. Just for a reality check, so many men around the world have "easy lives" anyways, without abortions, because they decide to become unavailable. So there's no guarantee he is staying around if the baby is born. And there is no guarantee he is staying around if the baby is not born, either. He can simply think he got away with this one.
Do a little search in Dear Cupid, and you will find lots of girls who regret having abortions because their "boyfriends" talked them into it, and left.
Because he is afraid of the responsibility, you'd better not count on him for anything related to the child. Which, in my humble opinion again, is so good. This is not to say that I believe this is right, but, have you heard about women who want to have babies but go to sperm banks, or find themselves a "donor", because they want the baby but not the hassle of a man by their side? Why don't you see it this way? If he will stay, responsibilities and all, welcome; if he is to go away, to hell with him. You seem to be the strongest of the two.
You know, in Spanish there's a lovely song by Coti Sorokin. I don't expect you to be familiar with it, but the song is called "Nothing of this was a mistake". The song goes like "I have bad news for you: this didn't happen by chance. I wanted it to happen, and you, you let it happen, too. I learned the difference between playing games and taking chances. Who looks at you, and who surrenders to you. And no, nothing of this was a mistake". Was the baby a "mistake"?
There is indeed a mistake here, however. Sticking too much to him. If he wants out, let him. It's not like you are alone in this world, from what I see.
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A
male
reader, maxsteel86  +, writes (18 March 2008):
 now folks, we dont know for sure that sex was unprotected, there's nothing about that in the post so lets not judge the guy on that just yet huh?As for the abortion issue, the guy is like in college no? He hasn't even had a full taste of independence, I doubt he wants to be tied down to a kid right now. It was a mistake, no doubt one he regrets really badly. By continuing the pregnancy and wanting him to be a part of the baby's life, you're asking him to give up the best years of his life. Once they're gone, they wont be coming back. There's some things you can do when you're in your 20s that you cant do at any other time. You have to understand you're asking him to give up a lot and the only thing he gets in exchange is a child he never asked for.Sure this baby thing was partly his fault but everyone makes mistakes no? You obviously have a lotta support and stuff to keep the baby so you dont really need him to agree to the pregnancy but getting him to stick around is very unlikely
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2008): Keeping the baby is prefered. If you get an abortion, you may be the only one affected by it.He should have thought about this before having unprotected sex, it shows his immaturity, I would have never told my girl to get an abortion, no matter what.If your family will help, and you want to keep the child, then please keep the child. At this point, if he wants sex, I, if I were you, would tell him no, that this is what caused the perdicament of getting pregnant and thay you have to deal with it alone. I'd find another boyfriend.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (18 March 2008):
 YOU should have an abortion because HE is not ready. Right, he was ready for the sex wasn't he?
Your answer is pretty clear, you have no problem having this baby and have the support of your family. There is no easy answer that will make everything allright, keep the baby and you fear you could be a single mother and loose the boy you love.
But what is the reverse? Abort a baby that you could keep just to make his life easy? The fact that this has gone on a few months (is abortion even an option anymore) shows how you really feel. You want to carry this baby full-term and possibly raise it alone, just are afraid. Can't blame you but at least your family is behind you.
Tell him simply that you are going to have this baby with or without him. Hard yes, but you got other concerns now then a spoiled kid who is afraid to grow up. The life inside you deserves a chance and a single mom with a supportive family ain't that bad a start.
With time, he may accept it, he could just be afraid, hoping that it will just go away BUT if you abort it is YOU that will have to life with it, he wouldn't be the first guy to later blame the girl for having the abortion. While on the other hand he may turn around, that wouldn't be a first either as sees his baby, right now it won't seem real to him, you might not even be showing yet, but when that baby is there, he might very well come around. One thing to abort a 'stomach ache' another to deny a living baby.
He has two choices really, accept his child and cope with the chances just as millions of others young couple have done or get out and let your raise the kid on your own.
Because asking you to abort this baby because he isn't ready is the most assholish thing to do I can think off. But then, he already made falls promises to his mom didn't he? He got you pregnant.
If you have an abortion what would you have it for, to keep a guy who puts all the weight on a girls shoulder, lies to his mom, lies to you and really just needs to grow up. How long would you be happy with this guy? How will he support you while you deal with the after-effects of the abortion?
Though choice, but I think you already know the answer, are you capable of being a single mom if need be? If the answer is yes, then you cannot abort as you will regret it for the rest of your life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2008): This will be difficult for you to go through and I am glad you have the support of your family.
Unfortunately this is not planned and he is perhaps naturally not wanting to go down this track. I don't know how long your relationship is with him, but clearly it is not something he wanted to handle. He has the right to that opinion and is being honest with you. Which is a good thing.
I suppose he is saying that he does not want this child and wants you to consider that. If you choose to keep the baby this decision needs to be yours and well thought through. That fact that you will have a child with him does not necessarily mean he will stay and play happy families. So prepare for bringing up the child alone which may happen. He can still be involved in your childs life and be a father, but he has told you already this was not his plan. Whilst it has now taken on it's own momentum and people with say that he will get used to the idea, he may not, which is something you need to prepare for.
I just would not like you to feel that he will get as excited or happy about the events as you may. You have to accept that he is not wanting to go down this path. You decide if you do and just have consideration that perhaps he may dissappear, that depends on his character. But he has told you he wants non of it and I hope you are hearing that. Yes he will have responsibilities, he may handle those, time will tell.
It is the type of thing people build up resentments about, if it is something which they really do not want to have happen. How he handles that will depend on your expectations of him.
All the best and take care.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2008): Dont let him pressurise you into having an abortion. especially if you want to keep the baby. Just because he's not ready to be a dad isnt a reason to have an abortion. and to be honest if he didnt want to get you pregnant in the first place, he shouldve used a condom. i think you should tell him how you feel. explain that you know how he feels about it, but he's not the one who has to have the abortion.
if you love him. tell him. tell him how you feel about him and that you dont want him to leave you just because you decided to keep the baby.
If he doesnt stick by you. Then he's a waste of space, and excuse my language but a complete tosser.
Its your life. if you go ahead with the abortion, you may regret it for the rest of your life. Especially if he then disappears from your life anyway.
i hope its some help. and Good Luck to you on whatever you decide x
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A
female
reader, ask paige +, writes (18 March 2008):
 hi
first of all i just want to remind you that this is a baby we are talking about not a dog that barks to much in the night that you want o get rid of, this is a baby! second of all you are the person that is keeping this baby alive feeding it nerturing it and hopefully protecting it this is your baby. dont ever let a man tell you what to do even more so when theres a life involved and if your boyfriend is that annoyed he shouldnt have got you pregnant in the first place its called protection people! you do what YOU want to do not anyone else if you want this baby and want to give it a good life and be a mum dont let someone tell you you cant do this!
all my luck remeber its a baby abortion is such a big thing you dont want to do it to kepp someone "happy" then regret it one day if you and him didnt work out anyway
all my love paige xx
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