A
male
age
36-40,
*ugger boy
writes:Help, i got married last year and i love my wife to bits. The problum is when we go out with her friends one of them flirts with me all night. At first i didnt mind but now i really want to have sex with her. I dont know if its because i know i cant (being married) or wether i do fancy her. Do you think i should have sex with her and see what happens?
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female
reader, ChristineAvril +, writes (4 March 2010):
 My husband has this expression, "a stiff cock has no conscience".
It seems you have just proved it!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2010): Something for you to think about....
When I first got married, I had a 'friend' that offered herself to my husband. Truth was she was jealous, and if he had said yes she would of been right over to tell me all about it.
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A
female
reader, BagLady  +, writes (4 March 2010):
I think you already know the answer to this question...if not then it's No
1)Permanently damage you marriage (if you are having these thoughts so early-you aren't someone she should have married-you don't see the importance of the relationship you are in. all it takes is a flirty chick and you are actually seriously asking yourself if you should do it...bad sign...you should have red flags going off right now)
2) Damage the friendship of 2 other people (she may not be a true friend though)
80/20 rule...http://travismagazine.wordpress.com/2009/02/10/why-we-cheat-the-8020-rule/
gave the link since it's easier than re-writing it.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (4 March 2010):
Go back home to your wife and put more effort into the marriage.
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A
female
reader, Weramazing +, writes (4 March 2010):
 The only thing you should be considering is whether you should have got married or not as for the other woman don't even think such crap! How would you like for your wife to have sex with one of your friends?......
You need to wake up to reality you were the one who got married And made a commitment to your wife if you genuinely feel (after thinking things through very well) that you are not ready to be commited to her then tell her don't waste anymore of her time. A decent man who loves and respects his wife would tell this woman who is flirting that she is disrespecting both you and your wife and would tell his wife how this friend was behaving.
Grow up.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2010):
You need to get a divorce, you are way to immature to be married. "should i have sex with her and see what happens?" oh dear god. Re-read what you just wrote, if you think so little of your wife to consider an affair in the first few months of marriage, i have little hope for you when things get really difficult.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (4 March 2010):
 Can you handle divorce? Can you handle the fury of a woman scorned?
Do you want to give up everything for a one night stand ?
Before you want to do anything , count the cost first!
Words said cannot be taken back and deeds done cannot be undone or erase.
You don't have rewinds in your life.
Think and ponder deeply.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2010): If you're asking this question, you clearly have no business being married. Grow the hell up.
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A
male
reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (4 March 2010):
Don't be stupid dude. No you shouldn't have sex with her and see what happens. I swear people like you shouldn't be allowed to get married. It doesn't take a genuis to know what's gonna happen. You should take a long look at yourself in the mirror and refocus your attention on your wife. Geeze
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A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (4 March 2010):
 I sure wouldn't want to be your wife. Do you really love her? Respect her? If so, you won't have sex with this other woman.
What do you think will happen? Whether you sleep with this woman once or many times, the result is the same...you will hurt your wife. Do you think that your wife deserves that?
You haven't been married for very long and you're already tempted. I'm not saying that just because you're married you cannot look at other women but there is a big difference between looking and doing something about it. You're young, perhaps you were not ready to committ?
And this other woman...she's a friend of your wife's...what sort of a friend would be flirting with their friend's husband. It is possible that she's flirting with you because you're safe and she knows that nothing can come of it...don't fall for that trap.
What you should think about is the future. Is what you have with your wife worth losing just because you're physically attracted to another woman? Let's say you do have sex with her...then what? You go back to your wife hoping she won't find out? Do you think you can live with the fact that you betrayed her trust? And if you do it once, you'll probably do it again.
If you really loved her and wanted to ensure that your marriage works out you would be fighting this temptation very strongly. You wouldn't be considering sleeping with this other woman. Don't say that it's too hard and that you can't stop thinking about it. You can, but only if you want to.
Make a conscious decision, think of the consequences, not just the immediate 'rewards.'
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