A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:please help me, i have jst broken up with my boyfriend and in lots of pain any advice?
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male
reader, Learner.uk +, writes (12 January 2011):
 Hi, Im a Guy and split up with my girlfriend..however I know what you are going through, My girl friend left me the Sunday before Christmas and told me that it was because she had feelings for her flat mate. The flat mate is a short fat guy that has always been in love with her for well over a year before I came along however at the time she was not interested in him and now she has decided that she is, when I was told it was heart breaking but I remained calm at the time and just said ok what ever all the best got my stuff out of her room and left.
She had returned home to see her folks at Christmas for a week which she was going to do anyway. The best thing to do even though I didn't want to was not contact her at all, don't phone don't text even If you feel strongly to do so and make sure you don't do anything when drunk! It has been about 3 weeks now and I went out for a Friends Birthday when I saw them together, I felt really angry and peed off inside but the best thing I did was to ignore her and him and have a laugh with my mates and flirt with my other girlfriends/other girls, god I was so happy with myself, should have seen her face when she saw that I was not bothered. I have never done this before in my life and I have been really messed up in the past!
Over all I learned:
1) DO NOT RUN AFTER HIM! FACE that you are SINGLE and he is NOT COMING BACK! (even if you really don't mean that you need to GET IT INTO YOUR HEAD and will HELP in the long run)
2) DON'T PHONE or TEXT (NO DRUNK PHONE CALLS) leave HIM to it, if you are that important he will come back - get on with YOUR LIFE!
3) SPEND TIME WITH FRIENDS DON'T SIT IN! Do stuff to keep you going get out and show your not bothered, trust me he will be crazy even if he does not look it, inside he will think.
4) Be POLITE TO Him IF YOU SEE HIM OUT you DON'T NEED TO HAVE A LONG CHAT, Just say hi.
5) LOOK AFTER YOUR SELF FEEL GOOD, MAKE SURE YOU EAT AND DO SOME WORKING OUT! BE SMART IN YOUR LOOKS SO IF YOU DO BUMP INTO HIM AGAIN THAT WILL MAKE HIM THINK.
6) HE MIGHT NOT COME BACK BUT DON'T KILL YOUR SELF OVER IT I HAVE BEEN THERE AND IT REALLY SUCKS AFTER TRYING THIS I FEEL SO GOOD, WHEN YOUR POSITIVE AND HAPPY PEOPLE PICK UP ON IT AND YOU DON'T PULL/MEET NEW GUY'S BY LOOKING A MESS AND LOOKING SORRY FOR YOUR SELF, BE UP-BEAT!
7) IF HE DOES CALL at any point DON'T REPLY BACK STRAIGHT AWAY AS IT SHOWS YOU ARE DESPERATE! and your not! LEAVE IT A DAY THEN REPLY BUT DON'T SOUND INTERESTED JUST KEEP IT POLITE AND SAY SOMETHING LIKE HI IM WELL, LET HIM DO THE WORK, If he wants to talk and your mixed about how you feel just say your busy, however if you feel ok and have gathered your thoughts then have a talk, let him do the talking at first its his problem! Think about how you feel, what has happened etc and do you really want him back?
8) I have been a arse in the past and learned my lesson it really is not worth being in that much pain! I stayed single for 2yrs because of how I felt and you just need to be you, enjoy life and the rite person will come along eventually whether it is him or not!
Its been 3 weeks now yes I am hurting but the thing is i am not showing it, I am being me and feeling positive about my self and life and I know her relationship is not going to last but after what she has put me through over Christmas I am defo not going to take her back, Trust me she tried to make stuff up about me and the fact I acted like a Adult which I am and was mature about it all that is going to bother her the most
Hope this helps, Relax gather your thoughts and be positive and happy with your self!
All the Best!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2007): When anyone has just split up with their boyfriend/girlfriend as long as they actually have feelings for them then they have pain. It's normal to be upset at first over the fact that the relationship didn't work out but move on and eventually you'll get over him.
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A
female
reader, Carina  +, writes (10 March 2007):
 This is such a bad feeling. It physically hurts. Everything the others have said is true: time does heal, although it doesn't feel like it right now, I know. Asking your friends for help is a great idea. I'd just like to add that you need to feel these emotions. Don't try to be too brave. Let yourself be sad and consider yourself almost as 'ill' for a while. If you need a day in bed then have one. Pamper yourself and look after yourself. This is almost like a bereavement and you're feeling the grief at the death of a relationship. Try to make some plans for the future and think about what you want out of life. Focus on those things and keep yourself busy trying to achieve them. Remember that in the end this relationship wasn't meant to be and that there is bound to be something better in the future. Above all don't let it affect your self-esteem. Remind yourself what a wonderful person you are and that you deserve the best in life. It'll be hard for a time, but it WILL pass. All the best.
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A
female
reader, aunty t  +, writes (10 March 2007):
 This is horrible and i know exactly what the pain is like. I remember when i broke up with my first real love the pain was unbearable. I cried all the time and looked at his pictures all the time. I used to go to places i knew he would be just to see him though i never tried to speak to him. Then i realised i was being really stupid he had moved on and i had to do the same. I tore up his pictures and avoiding seeing him. I still had bad days but it did help. Time is a great healer and unfortunately there is no easy way of getting through this. But it will make you a stronger person. Later i fell in love with my husband and i never gave this guy a second thought. Keep strong
Aunty t
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2007): Hi there! You poor thing! I know exactly how you feel as I'm going through the same. Check out my other Qs. The main thing is not to dwell on him and the past. If you split up, you split up for a reason and let this be a good time for both of you and use it to your advantage. Its amazing how much you can learn about yourself when you come out of a relationship. Yes, you will be in pain, but somedays you'll wake up and the pain will be less and some days you wont have any pain at all. You will almost miss the pain for the same reason you miss him. Because you were with him for so long it became normal.
Move on and be good to yourself. Hold your head high, be brave and talk to your friends and family. You will be amazed at how much their companionship can help you get through this. Stay strong. You will get through this and you will be happier in the long run!
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