A
male
age
51-59,
*gilley4
writes:Hi, I have a friend on Facebook. I have known since 1981. I have had a crush on all this time. The 20 years that I didn't talk to her, she was still on my mind. She is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, or ever will. So I wrote to her saying, that I had a crush on her for that long. I told her I would be the most blessed man, if I could have dinner with her some day. But if not that's ok, then telling her that I know in my heart, that she is a great person. Two weeks later, she has not wrote back yet. Could it mean that she needs time to think. Could she have had her heart broken in the past. And just needs time to see if I'm for real? Please help:(
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2011): I would forget it. If she hasn't contacted you, it would not be wise to contact her again. Who knows what her thinking is here - but I think it is safe to say that if she wanted to meet up she would say so. Sometimes it is not a good idea to put your cards on the table up front, telling her you had this long crush may have not been the best idea.
A
male
reader, tgilley4 +, writes (8 September 2011):
tgilley4 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe lady I told you all about is divorced. And so am I
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (8 September 2011):
 Like the others have said, you haven't given us much to work on, but I'll tell you what. A few years back, I had some guy on Facebook message me that he knew me since the third grade, and although we were in different schools he still liked me, and he just wanted to say "hi" and wanted me to know how he felt.
I was honestly creeped out!! I mean I dont even know if this was a genuine mail or this guy was some weirdo. I honestly didnt know that this guy even existed! Even if what he said was true, it was just completely out of the blue, very strange and something which I didnt really believe. You cant really pop out of a box one fine day and say.."hey, remember me, I've always had a crush on you".
What I'm saying is, aside from the fact that this lady may be married/in a relationship/at a place in life where she doesnt want anything to do with her past, she may just think the mail is a hoax and wont even believe it. You cant do anything except just wait for her to respond.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2011): lots of reasons why she hasn't contacted you:
1. She's probably married and has a husband and family of her own now. The furthest thing from her mind is meeting a new guy.
and by the way, are YOU married? if so, you shouldn't be contacting her in this manner.
2. she's really busy with her life, so making a new friend is not on her list of priorities.
3. Hate to say it but maybe she doesn't remember you, or if she does, that she doesn't want to re-live her past by meeting up with people from the past.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (8 September 2011):
 You put it out there, and I'm sure that was a difficult thing to do. As Birdy said, there are all sorts of details that would help us answer you better. But the fact of the matter is that how you felt in 1981 may be quite alien to her in 2011. And yes, those of us who are of a similar age aren't necessarily as tied to social media as our children are, so it might well be weeks before she sees your post.
For goodness sake just leave this where it is. If she eventually responds, all well and fine. But please don't carry on. The ball is quite firmly in her court.
I completely get the harkening back to those days. I also completely get that some of our attachments from that time have thoroughly moved on. And I caution you that all of us have changed a great deal since 1981, hopefully for the better, but changed nonetheless.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (8 September 2011):
 Pretty hard to comment on. We don't know her marital status; or yours for that matter. We don't know your mutual relationship and it's history.
Notwithstanding, you wrote some sincere and heartfelt words on your part which were lovely.
Timeframe? She is 41-50. It's the end of the summer. She might be incommunicado because of her circumstances; not everyone responds to the net in the same way. She may be retired, living in FL and not answering. She may not even pick up weekly if she is busy.
And, possibly, she may not return your feelings, regardless of how you feel.
Suss out how often you have contacted her and how often she has contacted you. It should be fairly even IF she is interested.
Don't hound her if she is hesitant or absent. All you can do now is let her respond to you.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (8 September 2011):
 This whole incident sounds terribly one-sided. YOU wrote to her... and SHE hasn't uttered so much as a peep to you? I suggest you forget about her and get on with your life....
Good luck...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2011): there is no way to know why she hasn't responded. you can try writing to her again to find out. she may not feel the same and feels awkward or she did not receive the message. I have to say 20 years is a long time to feel that way without any relationship, do you have a friendship at all? otherwise this whole thing may be just a fantasy in your head.
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A
female
reader, MissLoca +, writes (8 September 2011):
Have you had any relationship with her in the past or was she always just a crush? It's possible that she needs time to thing or that she's maybe busy, or she doesn't want you. Although you don't have the answer it doesn't hurt to keep trying. Maybe try writing her a letter from the heart or just little messages like Have a good day or something. Things aren't ever started without a little time and effort
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