A
male
age
36-40,
*ocust
writes:Last time I post on here, I had visited an escort. I had visit an escort only once and never again. I decided to get back into dating, but I had no success. One day I joined a chatroom and I happen to meet a Polish woman who lives in Poland over a year ago. We chat on Facebook messenger often, sending each other photos and doing live video conversations. One day she came out and told me she loves me. We do have somewhat an age gap, she is 21 and I’m 31. I’m now planning to go visit her and see how we connect and if we connect well I’m considering of moving to Poland to be with her. First time in my life I ever had a girl tell me she loves me, she finds me very attractive, loves my tan skin tone. I feel different about myself and much confident. I’m officially done trying to date American women and now only looking at women outside of the USA.I have few questions for you guys. What do you think about this age gap between us? Would you guys move to another country if you found love there?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2018): Sir, I am wishing you well. Everyone gets lonely and we all want to find love.
You set-off a lot of alarms by how very naive you came across in your initial post. You've even gone as far as seeing a sex-worker. You have a very negative (I would say nasty) attitude towards American women. Yet you claim you haven't had any real experience with many of them. Claiming they demand six-pack abs and such. Your attitude sometimes projects a strong vibe people pickup on.
We have to be mindful of how we present ourselves to people; and have adequate people-skills to interact in a way people can be at-ease in our presence.
Some very nice people can be very scary and weird if they are socially-awkward. Any woman with a brain should be careful around men they hardly know. Women have a right to expect as much from men as men expect from them. Like it or not.
I hope the young lady you met is of legal-age, there is no way to verify that when you connected over the internet. You don't know how her family will feel about you being older than she is, and you've never spoken to her parents. The reality is, you really have no idea what awaits you on the other-side. You can't be in-love with someone you've never met; unless you are a very young and very naive person, or a very foolish one!
Feel free to ignore any advice you wish. There is a very humane and protective-spirit among the aunts and uncles here. People can pick and choose the answers you like best; but there is also wisdom in the responses that you refer as negative. Having a thick-skin and a healthy brain, you didn't hurt my feelings. I just hope all goes well for you.
Your insults will also be ignored as far as I'm concerned; because I offer my valuable time to help people. I don't just tell them what they want to hear. It doesn't bother me if they like it or not. If one doesn't, ten others might use the advice.
I hope you find what you're looking for.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 April 2018):
 I would start by having that visit. Don't STAY at her place when you visit but DO spend as much time IN person together (and I'm not talking SEX here, it can be seeing the sights, having coffee and a chat, shopping, museums etc.)
So when you book your ticket HAVE a hotel booked too and... a ticket that IS changeable in case she isn't as interested as you hoped and you don't want to stay there. Or make yourself an itinerary and see the country BY yourself if she doesn't pan out.
See how well you ACTUALLY get on in person.
Mutual attraction is important REGARDLESS of where you are from. There HAS to be some kind of chemistry going on, not just chats, flirting and fantasy over the Internet.
Quite a few aunts suggested it CAN be scamming. Not out of malice but because it DOES happen a lot.
An estimated one in every 10 American adults lost money in a phone/Internet scam in the past 12 months. On average, each scam victim lost $430, totaling about $9.5 billion overall. Imagine that! $9.5 billion!!! Scamming is BIG business! Not just for Nigeria/West Africa but, Asia, India, Pakistan and MANY of the former Eastern block countries (and yes, Poland IS one of those).
So BE realistic and USE common sense.
If MONEY is involved (as in SHE asks YOU for money for ANYTHING )- be it a ticket to SEE you, to pay her phone or Internet or Visa etc. THEN it's probably a scam.
Can she be real? And can she actually CARE for you?
Sure! That does happen too! But that doesn't mean you should NOT use common sense!
If the visit goes well, LEARN Polish. ASAP. Learn about her culture and country. TALK to the American Embassy there about opportunities for work. What you need to move there etc. DO YOUR HOMEWORK!
Don't try and rush it.
I have been to Poland twice - once 25 years ago (so before she was born) and again about 15 years ago) And while Poland had come a long way in those 10 years and I'm sure even further in the last 15, the culture is still WASTELY different than ANYTHING you are used to.
Poland does NOT have an abundance of jobs - that is why a HUGE amount of them work as practically "slave labor" in the UK. Romania has an even higher % than Poland doing this, but plenty of Polish people do that too, as there is nothing for them at home.
Be smart, be safe.
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A
male
reader, locust +, writes (5 April 2018):
locust is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI live in San Francisco Bay Area and problem is there is too many single men here. It makes dating hard here too much competition. I have tried Plenty Of Fish, OkCupid and apps like Badoo and Tinder. I have not gotten any dates from there or a any kind of response due to competition. Reason is women here my area know they have options. You don't look like Channing Tatum then nobody ain't gonna date you. I have tried also message women on dating sites from other states and not single reply back. When in college I tried to ask girls out and still nothing. I went dateless all through college. At that point I gave up. That is when someone told me try international dating and I did and seems I doing better.
Not only I met a Polish girl, I met woman from Belarus, Russia and Ukraine. I also met a lady from the Philippines and United Kingdom. I feel women from other countries are giving me a chance than local women do. I think US women have been driven by the Hollywood types. They expect everyone to be perfect tone with 6 pack abs. People expect perfection but its not realistic. Humans are not perfect. I cannot help the way I was created. I feel women from other countries don't have unrealistic expectations. Sure they might be some but not much like I see in the states.
As far seeing her, I'm just going to visit but like she told me visit for a while and see if you like Poland. I would be a big change for me. Yes I would need to learn the language which I know will be difficult. She told me Poland has quite of few English speaking people as well. She said especially in malls, restaurants and supermarkets. Again I will need to experience this and during my visit I will visit immigration office there and ask what I need to do to immigrate to Poland if I choose so. So I'm not doing this blind folded. As for work I was going to do IT since that is my background in work experience and most IT jobs in Poland requires English language. I seen many job postings in Krakow, Poland requires English. So that can help me out.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (3 April 2018):
 I hope she knows you were desperate enough to go to an escort for your first sexual experience. Your impatience and stubbornness is your main problem.If she isn't manipulating you, you'll probably show her your controlling side soon after moving there. You refuse to listen to others and she'll grow out of your relationship.Do you speak, read and write in Polish? Better learn now.Do you have a job? Could you get one there?Do you know the Polish laws? Customs? https://polandian.wordpress.com/2009/05/11/15-things-you-need-to-know-about-polish-weddings-the-survival-guide/Do you have lots of money to buy yourself a house, to live in alone, rather than living with her too soon? How about to pay the moving fees? Divorce fees?You're talking about marriage before you've even met! It's silly, OP. Why do you refuse to see that. She could even be a prostitute. You don't really know her.American women didn't want you because of YOUR behaviour. There aren't just American women in America. You blame America and American women, rather than accepting that the blame is largely yours. You will not change just because you move to another country.If you want to move to another country, do so, but you'll eventually have to realise that YOU are the reason you've been single for so long.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (3 April 2018):
 Great! Let us know how things go! Enjoy the chocolates while they last!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2018): The problem isn't moving to another country ALONE. The issue is hanging all your hopes on a barely legal adult you've never met, from a country you know nothing about, and declaring her the "love of your life" purely because she's not American. You don't need to date an American - we don't care; you just need to be realistic, not acting like you're delusional.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2018): Dude really.You need to Google catfishing.or not.But really we all wish you would.Say bye bye to all your money and having to be stranded on foren soil.Another thing international divorce is not fun.Better have lots of money.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (3 April 2018):
As someone from Europe - you are SO wrong. Most are NOT ready to marry at 20! Nobody is saying America is great either.
However, if you refuse to listen to SENSE, that's on you.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2018): Hi - American expat here! I moved to Finland for my husband.I think that you are doing the right thing by first seeing how you connect in person first. I don't get the feeling you are saying you will move to Poland tomorrow but being honest with yourself in saying it is something you would highly consider for your relationship. Because if your relationship continues to flourish - someone is going to have to make that sacrifice!Like what AuntyBimBim says, there is a lot that goes into moving to another country and every country has different requirements. It is also dependent on which type of visa or resident permit you apply for. So be sure to do your research on that.A couple other considerations though - it is nice that you have found love but as a woman myself, I have found that I didn't really feel solidified in my sense of self until I was about 25. That is not to say your relationship won't work, but to be aware that she is still young and growing into her adult self. She could grow out of you and the relationship. At the very least, you should have a back up plan and be prepared for the possibility of moving back to the US.Another thing, I just skimmed through some of your comments below and I think you have a bit of a glorified view of Europe. The romanticism of living abroad will wear off. It is a much slower paced life here, very grey and cloudy, not much to do, and social benefits are not always great. I don't want to get into the politics of it, but basically every where you live has its pros and cons. Expat life is NOT easy or fun. Language barriers will be an issue. Poland is an eastern european country and very conservative. They are not fond of immigration and you mentioned having 'tanned skin' in which case you may find yourself subject to some racism.I've been to Poland. Gdansk is very beautiful. But it is still a post-soviet country. Be realistic about what life would seem like long term, take the blinders off, and good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2018): Love if near or far is still love.
You have fallen in Love.
This is sweet!
Treat her well and good luck with the move. You deserve to be loved and so does she.
??
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (3 April 2018):
 Have you done your homework?
If you move to Poland are you required to have a certain amount of assetts, are there stringent visa requirements, Will you purchase an open return ticket in case you want to leave sooner or delay your departure. Have you checked with your country's consulzte to see what support they can offer if you get into difuculty.
What is the job margkdt like, will you be able to look for work in your chosen field immediately or will there be conditions on your visa restricting the work you can do.
What are the wziting periods before you can access free medical and do you have enough savings to cover emergencies in the interim.
Have you done some o line research to see if scams are prevalent in Poland (just as a precaution).
If you end up stayimg there what are the requirements for citizenship or residency.
If you have examined the move from top to bottom and have plan A and plan B sorted and a rough idea of plan C, then go meet her, have a holiday and then go home for a few months before you cut all ties with the States.
If the girl is genuine and you feel its true love, if you have crossed all the t's and dotted your l's I wish you, and her, well.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2018): I wish you the best, dear sir! You know better that us.
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A
male
reader, locust +, writes (2 April 2018):
locust is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe amount of negativity just show how Americans are and how narrow minded we are. We only see a negative world. No wonder why got Donald Trump in the White House. These posts just proves it. Every American think America is a great country to live in. I say they far wrong and reality is poor access to healthcare, no vacation, no paid family leave, high cost of living and all the GMO allowed in out foods, Americans think they still the best. I'm American and I find these post so laughable. I wonder so many of the negative posts are here because many of them will not be accepted by a mate from another country because their negative outlook on the rest of the world. If you guys think Poland is poor, you dead wrong. Their economy is doing good.I won't pay any attention to these negative posts. I will not pay any attention to some femnazi dictating what I should and how I should run love life. America is sinking further each day and I think I need to jump the ship soon before its goes underwater.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2018): There are scammers out there trying to get green cards; and I think you've been seriously played.
She will tell you whatever you want to hear, and she's pretty sure she's found herself a lonely desperate American sucker.
She's going to get money out of you, and reading your sad post tells me you're easy-prey for scammers.
She intends to move the the USA as a trophy-wife. If you move to Poland she will pretend you're some kind of a nutcase! She doesn't want to live in Poland, she wants to be a mail-order bride and be brought to the United States.
You are so carried-away, you're out of your mind!
You can't be serious or that naive? Are you???!!!
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A
male
reader, locust +, writes (2 April 2018):
locust is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnonymous 123Let see 31 year old man never been in a relationship. That tells me American women do no want me. It could not be any clear than that. I will move to another country of someone who is willing to accept me. I so done with American women, the most pickiest girls in the world. If you not rich you will be lonely. Just because I'm American does not mean I need to stay in America. I have nothing to lose at this point.Most Eastern European women are ready to marry at ages 20, its the American mentality that says you must wait. If I keep trying here in America I would still go dateless and loveless. I'm done here and willing to leave this country. Tired being pushed to the side because I don't fit Hollywood type. I'm done. I'm not gonna die trying to fit the American bullshit agenda. By the way she a real woman because we did live video chats. She also sent me a box of Polish chocolates just days ago. I never had a woman ever give me a gift. It seems like American women always have negative views when they see a man wanting to find love outside the US. I'm going to see her this summer. I bet if a guy read this post the reply will be much different and perhaps more positive rather than so negative.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (2 April 2018):
Locust, honey, you're lonely and vulnerable but that doesn't mean you do something that you'll regret forever. Right now you think you're on cloud nine and the world is at your feet because you've found the "one" and hence you've suddenly decided that American women are not for you anymore. All because some potential fraud praised you over the internet.
Sweetheart, open your eyes and see what's happening here. Love is not to be found in chatrooms. Love is not to found on the internet in Poland with you sitting all the way across in the US. It would be great if it was a Nicholas Sparks book but none of this is going to happen to you because reality does not play out this way.
You don't know the Polish woman from Eve... You don't even know if she's a woman in the first place or a teenage boy sitting there having a laugh or someone even worse waiting to rip you off. Even on the off chance that it's indeed a 21 year old girl, do you really think that a 21 year old sitting in a chatroom and talking to much older men has the kind of maturity to commit to a relationship? And most importantly, how do you know you're the only one she's talking to and saying that she "loves"?
She's (assuming it's a she!) immature and you're desperate. It's OK to want to have some fun online but dropping everything to run off to Poland when you know practically next to nothing about the woman or what you're getting into is an big resounding NO! I can't even believe you're THAT desperate to be honest!
Come on Loc, get out of your denial. You can't expect this to work out well even in your wildest dreams. Moving to another country for love is a huge decision and it should only be done when you're absolutely sure of the person and your relationship. You haven't even met this girl! Don't be silly! Snap out of this please
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A
male
reader, locust +, writes (2 April 2018):
locust is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYoucannotbeserious
Actually she is the one that want me to move there. She doesn't want to move to USA. She in Poland she has free healthcare, paid vacation, and other benefits that America don't have. She recently mail me a box of chocolates from Poland and they so delicious.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2018): Be careful. You are naive and living in a fairytale land.
Women like her PREY on men like you for many reasons.
Sorry to burst your bubble but she's found a sucker. She wants a Prince Charming and a one way ticket out of her sad life.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (2 April 2018):
She's more or less still a teenager. I'm her age and trust me on her head. She is not going to be the same person in 5 years, let alone when she's your age. You're done dating women, so you're going to date a foreign GIRL? Sure, "young woman" fits, but barely.
This isn't love, OP. I know you're desperate, but you need to understand that, not pretend that's not the reason.
You need therapy, OP, not a long distance girlfriend. She may ignore your desperate ways, but it won't last. Seriously, you've given up on ALL American women? That says more about you than it does about them.
"I can't date American women, so the 'love of my life' must be a 21 year old Polish girl I've never met." Do you really not see the issue with that?
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (2 April 2018):
 Sweetheart, catch on to yourself. You are old enough (and, we assume, mature enough) to know this is not love. I know you are keen to have someone to love and to love you back (some might say a bit desperate) but you two don't know each other. You haven't even met in person. Has she actually said she WANTS to meet in person?
Granted, there may be a connection and an attraction between you. However, I am a lot older than you (and a lot more cynical) so I can't help wondering why, at the age of only 21, she is chatting to men in other countries who are considerably older than her. Have you actually asked her how she would feel about you moving to Poland? I suspect she will be horrified and will push for her moving to the USA. Do you actually know anything about the standard of living and life style in Poland? Trust me, it is not like the USA. What would you do for work? Although the unemployment rate in Poland has steadily dropped over the last few years,I believe this is in no small part due to a lot of the Polish workforce moving to other European countries to earn money. If life was that great in Poland, they would not be moving in such great numbers to seek work elsewhere.
It is good that contact between you has boosted your ego and, hence, your self confidence. That will stand you in good stead for the future. However, tread carefully with this young lady as my gut instinct tells me all is not as it seems. Please take care of yourself and don't get used.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2018): The age difference and possible overseas relocation are irrelevant.The real issue is that you are a lonely, vulnerable, needy, insecure guy who is desperate for any sort of female affection while she is very likely a scammer who is playing you like a cheap fiddle by telling you exactly want you want to hear so she can take you for every cent you have before discarding you like a used tissue (just like the other schnooks she similarly is stringing/has strung along). I don't like being so harsh, but you have to realize that you are setting yourself up for her to shamelessly take advantage of you. I respectfully suggest you seek counseling to get to the root of your issues with women as well as to protect yourself from con artists like her in the meantime.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2018): Oh boy.When you get there don't be too disappointed that the love of your life just might be a balding 60 year old man.It happens.
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