A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:A few years ago i was treated for alcoholism and for that period off time i stopped drinking for a complete year then only having a few beers with friends on a friday night. Everything was fine until last october when with pressures of work and my relationship with my girlfriend not going well. I fell off the wagon completely and having been drinking heavily everyday since. I don't enjoy life at the moment. Nothing seems fun anymore. I feel very alone. I drink with friends but i drink secretly at work during lunch. My moods change very quickly. One moment i feel very happy and confident with myself and the next moment i get angry and my throughts become dark and very clouded. The drinking is putting huge pressure on my relationship with my girlfriend as i fight alot with her when i've been drinking. I love this woman so much and we're planned to marry this year but she doesn't know that in fact i've fallen off the wagon again as i'm hiding this from her. I really don't want to keep this secret from her but i feel i'm losing control and that if she finds out she will leave me as already we have been fighting so much. But i make the excuse that i'm stressed from my job. I really feel lost right now. I don't know how to motivate myself to become clean and sober again.
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female
reader, AskEve +, writes (18 March 2009):
 If you had an illness of any kind you go to the doctor right? Alcoholism is an illness too and the only way to get help for it is to find your nearest AA Centre. There you will get the help and support you need to stop. Everyone there is in the same boat you are, you'll feel at home and will be welcomed with open arms. It's the only way to beat this illness. You cannot do it alone, no matter how strong you feel you are and I think you know that.
Don't worry about telling your girlfriend. If she truly loves you then she'll support you 100% and she'll be proud that you've taken the steps to get better again. Every day at the moment will be a nightmare for you. You'll be worrying about this constantly, how to cope day to day and the fact you're hiding it from your girlfriend will only be causing you to worry more, which in turn causes fear which in turn leads you to take another drink. Guilt sets in, you feel bad about EVERYTHING and so the drinking continues.
FIND YOUR NEAREST AA as soon as possible. Don't put off tomorrow what you can do today! Keep us posted here with your progress and we'll help you as much as we can. YOU CAN DO THIS!
~Eve~
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2009): Sounds just like me... No one understands wat being a alcoholic is like... me and my girlfriend argue all the time and I put it dwn to the drink, I know exactly wat u mean by mood changes... I dont drink in the morning but would do if I didnt get fucked in the night, when I get right fucked its about 12ish I start getting the shakes and feeling sick. The other day I had a early one and the next day was sick in work and had the shakes real bad. I know what your going though and I know if I could have a drink before I was sick I WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN SICK. Its hard being a alcoholic because unless you are one you dont know how its feels.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2009): Hey, I have lived with alcoholics my whole life - my sister almost died in an accident due to her drinking - it is a devastating problem for anyone touched by it - and I am so sorry to hear you are suffering now.
I think you need to tell your girlfriend everything - the longer you keep it from her the longer you are permiting yourself to keep drinking - you tell her and 'own' the problem and you will be forced to deal with it - she will want to know what you're doing/not doing.
I know what it's like to loose motivation - it sounds like you are possibly depressed, which is of course going to make getting back on track much harder to face/start.
Take the first steps - get back to your Dr and/or therapist and tell them where you are at now...that will be one BIG step and you'll be surprised how relieved you might feel.
Good luck - get well.
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A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (4 March 2009):
 There is only one reason to tell her. You want to be a healthy partner and grow old together.
You can only change if you want to change. If you changed because of her, there is a possibility that you may fall off a wagon again in the future, because you were not in control.
There are many reasons why you "should" live a healthy life without alcohol, I am sure you know them already.
I just googled and found this one link (out of over 1 million hits!)
http://alcoholism.about.com/od/health/Health_Effects_of_Alcohol.htm
In this link, it already has links to:
= Alcohol Liver Disease
= Nutrition and Alcohol
= Brain Damage and Alcohol
= Nicotine and Alcohol
= Alcohol and Cancer Risk
= Sex and Alcohol
= AIDS and Substance Abuse
= Elderly and Alcohol
= Diabetes and Alcohol
= Withdrawal Symptoms
I had a colleague who told me that he was an alcoholic for 20 years, then he quit when he was 40. He suddenly realized that he did not have old/elderly relatives. They all died in their late 40s and early 50s. It was a rude awakening for him. He looks much healthier now, but he knows that his liver is not as healthy as it used to be.
Your therapist will help you analyse why you became an alcoholic. Once your issues have been identified, you and your g/f can support each other to address the issues.
If you continued to be an alcoholic into your marriage, you might be endangering your life as well as your wife's, and perhaps even you children when you have them. Not to mention potentially other people too, directly or indirectly.
I am sure that is not the path of life that you want to take, right?
Cat
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A
male
reader, philipgifts  +, writes (4 March 2009):
 My dad was a drinker for a long time around 20 yrs, until we moved about 40 minutes away from town.But he was also indenile about it.I say tell your girlfriend the situation I'm sure she will understand and will wonder why you didn't tell her sooner if it gets out of hand,its geting there but its still in your grasp.Say hay I need to talk to you about this issue I've had before,and its starting to resurface again.Then say I'm an alcaholic and I'm loosing my grip on it and I asking for your help to stop I'm drinking at work,home,bar-with-my-friends-and then at the bar just with me.Everything in my life is so difficult right now and I slipped back into my old bad habit.
Another reason to tell her is b/c you see her every day and you wont to spend your life with her.What are spouses for to help you in your trubles you balence each other out.Allow her to intervien and save you.Be onist and tell her you may wont to hide the boos and you'll try your best b/c you love her and you wont everything to work out.
You may also wont to take a day off of work.But make sure someone spends the day with you if you do go that rout,go to the beach,park,or some where els where you can think.With out the worries of your life.When it gets over board stressfull take a few deep breaths for a few minutes and think of everything that brings you joy.And hold on to thoughs thouughts so when things get tough and It feels like the worlds gana end thats still there.
Another thing that I do is pray,I dont know if your relgious in any way,but I'm a christain.It helps me to know when all things go away and there is no els to turn to that he is there with an open ears.He responds to prayers sometimes in the strangest ways.Or something you prayed for that you forget is answered,then you remember it.But you have to believe and hold on to it especually when its something like drinking and the issues of your life,my life or anyones really.And your girlfriend soon to be wife could be placed in the right place at the right time.She will understand believe that b/c she cares what happens to you,I mean she wonts to marry you.
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